


haaranovo hettire - (hidden burns)

by iye



Series: hettyc ka'ra - (burning stars) [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Poe Dameron, Blood and Violence, Enemies to Friends, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Memory Loss, Mental Instability, Multi, Past Character Death, Rescue, This is not fully centered around Finn/Poe fyi, This isn't as dark as it sounds... I don't think, Torture, Violence, Well... it might get kinda dark, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 66,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26040403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iye/pseuds/iye
Summary: Almost a year after Exegol and three years after Ord Mantell, Poe is forced to face something he thought he'd never have to look back at.✦✦✦
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Original Character(s), Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s), its complicated - Relationship
Series: hettyc ka'ra - (burning stars) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819918
Comments: 84
Kudos: 161





	1. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙄

***

Poe was sprawled in the dim reactor room of the _Tantive IV_. The ship had received so much damage during the Battle of Exegol, it had been a miracle that the entire ship hadn’t just been completely destroyed.

And even now, almost a year later, Poe was still trying to fix it. He didn’t know why really. Why he kept coming back to try fix the damn ship. It really was a helpless case. There was too much to fix. But it was Leia’s ship. Maybe that was why he kept coming back. It was a place he could be alone. Mull anything over.

Exegol kept replaying in his head. Over and over, like some broken holo.

He could be making a pot of caf or in the shower or talking with Finn, and out of nowhere, it would switch itself on. All those cries floating through the comms, all directed at him because _he_ was their general, _he_ was supposed to lead them, to keep them safe.

Leia had picked _him_ , Maker knows why. The first thought that had slipped through his mind was _why not Finn?_

It made more sense to promote Finn than him, surely. Finn was level, steady. Everyone couldn’t help but trust and like him, despite his origin. Unlike Poe, who rubbed most people up the wrong way and was brash and abrasive and, let’s be honest, sometimes insubordinate. Crait still stung.

Finn had something special, that earnestness, or maybe it was the gentle kindness. _He_ was more suited for General than Poe. So, it was the first thing he did.

_“I need you in command with me…”_

Because Poe couldn’t have done it alone. He’d known that even before Lando had said it. Maybe Leia hadn’t promoted Finn because she knew Poe would just do it himself. She had probably known.

So, now Poe sat next to the warm reactor core of the damaged, scarred ship, drinking an old, lukewarm cup of caf.

The Resistance was technically over. The New Republic was officially back in power, though there were talks of changing the name of the government to the _Second_ Republic, due to their failure to manage the First Order the first time around.

Speaking of the First/Final Order, they were still a work in progress.

They’d all been a bit stupid to assume that after Exegol, the work would be done. It wasn’t. Both Chewie and Lando had been quick to gently remind them. The Empire had caused trouble long after the second Death Star had been destroyed by the Rebels. And the First/Final _Maker, just pick one_ Order would do _exactly_ the same.

But most were done with the war. Most had gone home. Gone to be with their families or to start new ones. Not many were still on Ajan Kloss. Just a few stragglers. People who had no family to go back to, or people who felt like their purpose disappeared with the war.

They continued to try and manage the remains of the First Order, even though the Republic’s new Security Bureau had been established.

The Republic had offered anyone in the Resistance jobs and rolls in their government and military. It had been the least they could do after the Resistance had done their job for them.

But Poe knew the Republic. After all, it was where he had started.

Protocol, procedure, hell, even _uniforms_. He’d grown out of that. He didn’t want to go back to taking orders, and he wasn’t great at doing so anyway, so it was probably best for everyone that he kindly decline the offer of rejoining the Republic Navy.

Plus, they’d offered him rank of lieutenant. _Lieutenant_.

Sure, he knew he’d be able to rise through the ranks easily enough, but honestly...

He still scoffed whenever he thought back to it.

Karé had taken the offer. He still thought about it.

She’d been smiling gently when she told him, a couple weeks after Exegol. Smiling, but he could still see the grief glimmering behind her eyes as her wedding ring glinted at him from her hand as he’d squeezed it with promises to keep in touch.

Promises they both didn’t keep because Poe knew they both thought of Snap when they looked at each other. And it hurt. So Karé had slipped out of his life. For now, at least.

Jess had taken the offer too, but she’d still comm him every few weeks to complain about someone or something.

And Iolo... Iolo had never commed in after a Resistance mission he took one and a half years ago.

Poe had been the one to write the message to his family. He’d written so many since then. Sure, it was old fashioned to _write_ messages, but he’d learned it from Leia. Some things needed a personal touch.

The door in front of him swished open smoothly and Poe looked up from the unsteady surface of his brown caf to watch D-O roll in. He raised his eyebrows, almost amused at the determined beeline the small droid made for him.

“Hey, Coneface.”

“ _Dee-Oh_ ,” the droid almost snapped.

Poe smirked.

The droid had slowly grown a sharp personality during the past year. Nervous and skittish was now boisterous and self-assured. Maybe because of Artoo. He was quite good company when Beebs was off on Tatooine with Rey.

“So, what’s up Coney?”

“ _G- General Finn is wondering where you are._ ”

“Oh? And what did you tell him?” asked Poe as he stood and stretched out his stiff legs.

“ _That I would find you._ ”

“He wants me? Where is he?”

“ _Cave- Cave-mouth._ ”

Poe sighed. Finn wanted to train.

As they began to walk for the _Tantive_ ’s ramp, he realised D-O ‘s wheel was squeaking. Again.

“Hey Dee, when was the last time I oiled your wheel?”

“ _A month ago._ ”

“If it’s already squeaking after just one month, maybe we should get you a replacement wheel.”

“ _No- No thank you. No replacement,_ ” came the quivery reply as the droid zoomed ahead.

“If you say so, buddy.”

“ _I do say so._ ”

***

Poe landed heavily on his ass and glared up at Finn who was clearly trying to keep a smile off his face.

“You’re not listening, you keep doing it wrong.”

“Am not,” Poe huffed.

“You need to step back.”

“You never should’ve gone to Tatooine with Rey. You’re gone for _one_ month and your entire fighting style is off. It’s unfair,” Poe grumbled as he stood up again.

“It’s not off, it’s just a bit different. It didn’t change that much.”

“I used to be able to beat you! Now, I don’t know. You’re probably using your Force-y tricks to beat me. _Unfair_ ,” he repeated sullenly as they squared up again.

Finn was grinning now.

“You’re just out of practice. I _told_ you to practice while I was away.”

They tried the same move again and Poe stumbled back. Again.

“You need to step back!” came a yell from across the clearing. Rose.

Poe groaned, glaring up at the vines that streaked the trees’ branches.

“ _See_?” Finn snapped. “You keep trying to hold your ground against my attack. Don’t do that. You need to move in step with me.”

“I’m done for today. I’m tired,” Poe sighed. “I _am_ ,” he added defensively as Finn raised his eyebrows.

“Since when do you want to go back to doing desk work?”

“Since now,” he muttered, swiping his flask off the soft ground. “Don’t we have files to look through?”

He knew he was being grouchy. Sometimes he felt like he was being a grumpy old man.

There was a high pitched shrill from the direction of the _Tantive_ and they turned to watch BB-8 rumbling towards them. D-O was right behind him. Poe sighed again.

“I’ll fix it now buddy, I’m sorry. Dee, you come too, I’ll oil your wheel up again.”

“We do have a couple thousand more officer files to look through. I think Rose and Kaydel said they’ll join us,” said Finn, wiping his brow as they headed back to the ship.

“The more the merrier.”

There was a time where Poe would’ve said that with full sarcasm, but he’d actually grown to enjoy Kaydel’s company over the last couple years. Sometime after she helped him stage a mutiny. Perfect bonding activity, right?

“You want any caf? I’m going to go to the mess and get some.”

“You drink too much of that stuff Poe,” sighed Finn.

“You want some?” he repeated flatly, ignoring the statement.

Finn sighed. “Yeah. Thanks, Poe.”

It might’ve been the slightly dejected look on his face that made Poe lean in and give Finn a gentle kiss. Some sort of apology, because he knew he was being frustrating.

When he pulled away, there was a tiny smile on his boyfriend’s face.

“I’ll see you in a couple minutes.”

“Don’t forget my sugar!”

“I never forget your sugar!”

***

Poe was sitting on the floor in a corner of the General’s workroom as he fiddled with BB-8’s broken antenna. D-O was happily zooming around the room with his now un-squeaky wheel.

“Hey, have we got those files on the Azumel resettlements?”

“I have if you come over here and get them,” Rose responded dryly.

“No, I don’t want them right now. I was just wondering,” he replied distractedly as he detached the faulty antenna.

“Hey, Poe?”

“Yeah?”

“What did you put in my caf?”

He glanced over to see Finn holding his cup with a bemused expression. Rose and Kaydel were smirking, looking between them.

“Uh, just your usual. Three spoons of sugar.” He blinked. “What else would I put in?”

In response, Finn turned to Rose.

“Here, try this and tell me what you taste.”

Rose took the cup, grinning, and took a sip as Poe straightened up indignantly. She instantly made a face and Kaydel laughed.

“Poe, that’s not sugar.”

“I put sugar.”

“You put salt,” came the instant reply from Finn and Rose in unison.

“I- no, I couldn’t have.”

“Ok, you taste it then,” countered Finn as Rose and Kaydel cracked up again.

“No, I’m not gonna drink your caf. You know I hate how sweet you have it.”

“See, that’s the thing Poe. It’s not sweet. At all.”

“Shut up,” he muttered, turning back to BB-8 who chirped at him teasingly.

It would’ve been about four minutes later when Kaydel spoke again.

He never saw it coming.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we are back! My exams went off with 'multiple' hitches but they're over for now so that's good :) 
> 
> I'm back to writing though it's definitely slower than the speed that previously let me bust out a chapter every two days. But I think you guys will like it!  
> I was definitely (subconsciously) inspired by the mcu for this work, I think you might see how later on.
> 
> It's good to be back!  
> -Iye


	2. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙄𝙄

***

“Hey, Poe?”

Kaydel.

“Yeah?”

“Um, do you remember a few years ago, when you went on that mission with that commander?”

He puts his lukewarm cup of caf down. Quickly, disguising the twitch that jerked his arm.

Even now, almost three years later, it makes something go cold in his stomach.

“Yeah?” he says again, making sure to keep his voice level.

But Finn turned to look at him anyway. There was a frown on his face. Even Kaydel was looking slightly uncomfortable. But she continued.

“What exactly happened to her?”

“She died.”

It was the gentlest, mildest way he could’ve said it. _Died_.

“Did you, uh, _see_ her die?”

What sort of question was that? Why was Kaydel asking this?

She’d seen him after his return from Ord Mantell. And she wanted him to revisit it?

Some twisted anger was seeping into him. But he kept it down.

Kaydel was shifting nervously in her chair now. Rose leaned closer to her, to look at whatever she’d seen on her datapad. Even D-O had stopped to look at him.

“No,” he replied, voice now strained with the effort of keeping it steady. “I didn’t see her die. I was told she died.”

Kaydel nodded quickly. “Ok.”

She turned back to her datapad with the nonchalant reply and appeared to go back to whatever she had been doing before, ending the conversation.

_Attempting_ to end the conversation.

“Why?” he asked, more than a minute later, cutting through the unusually silent room.

“What?”

Kaydel looked startled. She’d obviously thought, or hoped, they’d been done with that subject.

“Why?” he repeated.

She squirmed in her chair again and glanced at Finn as if he could help her. The cold in Poe’s stomach was spreading, growing.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

He got up.

She switched the screen of her datapad off.

“Poe, it’s nothing, really.”

BB-8 beeped then. A cautious, slow beep. Asking what Poe couldn’t, asking what Kaydel had seen.

Finn and Rose were looking between them anxiously, clearly uncertain with what to do. He could tell that Finn was preparing to intervene, but even his curiosity was keeping him from stepping in.

Poe walked closer and took the datapad from her lap. For a second, she didn’t let go. But she did, and he switched it on.

And Avara stared back at him from the screen. An image. She was... she was in a First Order uniform.

“I- I wasn’t really sure. I thought she looked familiar but...”

Kaydel’s voice faded away into a roar coming from the back of his head. Someone pulled the datapad out of his grasp.

_What?_

Panic was trembling inside him, pushing it’s way to the surface. The cold had reached his fingers and he knew his nails were digging into the palms of his hands, but he couldn’t really feel it properly. They’d gone numb.

How? That wasn't-

And then Finn was in front of him, right in front of him, talking. Warm hands grasped the side of his face but Poe jerked away, the scalding touch sharply pulling him back to the room.

“No,” he muttered. “No, don’t, that’s not-”

“Poe, hey, look at me. Slow down.”

But Poe closed his eyes.

That wasn’t right, that wasn’t her. She was _dead_ , they had killed her, he knew- no, he _thought_... Was she alive? No, that's not possible.

Except it was.

He opened his eyes. His vision was blurry but Finn was there, now gently holding his arms. Telling him to breathe.

It was probably several minutes later when he got his thoughts back under control. He was now curled up, knees to his chest as he leaned against the wall. Finn was still there, warm against his side. Rose and Kaydel a few meters away, quietly talking amongst themselves. It was suffocating.

He squirmed under Finn’s arm.

“I need to go for a walk. I-”

“Hey, wait, are you-”

“I need air,” he said in a stronger tone, getting up stiffly. He avoided their eyes.

It was silent as the door slid shut behind him. His knees almost buckled so he grabbed the wall for a second.

Then he straightened up and wearily put one foot in front of the other, walking off the _Tantive_ and out of the cave, into the trees.

He sat down, shoulder digging into rough bark and watched tiny insects shifting around in the dirt.

It didn’t feel real. The tears in his eyes hadn’t slipped out.

She wasn’t dead? No, that couldn’t be her.

That was a First Order file, she would never join them. She would rather die than join them. It was just someone that looked like her.

He knew it was her. She had never been killed. They had just tortured her and tortured her. He started to shiver, even though the air was warm.

What did Finn call it? Reconditioning? Is that what they did to her? Did she even know who she was?

It would’ve been easier if she was dead.

Something bumped gently against his leg and he turned his head to meet BB-8’s lens.

They stared at each other for a second.

“I thought she was dead, Beebs,” he whispered hollowly. “I swear, I thought she was dead.”

The droid hummed softly.

“I left her behind.”

Beebs whistled, upset.

“That’s no excuse. I still left her.”

“Poe, you would never leave someone you loved,” mumbled a gentle voice from further behind.

Finn pushed his way past some green fronds to come closer.

“And yet, I did,” Poe said, voice breaking slightly.

“This wasn’t your fault. Nothing that happened to her was your fault.”

“I could’ve stopped it.”

“Stopped what?”

“Stopped them from torturing her.” Poe closed his eyes again. “I could’ve.”

Finn touched his hand, slowly pulling it up and drawing up the sleeve. It was like some playback from his memories.

Cara carefully raising his sleeve to look at his wrists.

Just like Finn was doing right then.

He’d noticed the scars before, even though they were faint. But Poe hadn’t told him how they happened.

“Poe, I think you did everything you could have done,” Finn whispered, running a thumb over the marred skin.

Rage flooded him, almost taking him by surprise, welling up like an unforgiving tide. He yanked his hand out of Finn’s.

“You weren’t there,” he snarled. “You have no idea what happened, you don’t know that it wasn’t my fault!” he yelled, voice rising sharply. “I was a coward! I could have helped her!”

But Finn just shook his head, that gentle, _understanding_ , look on his face.

“You could never intentionally hurt someone you love Poe. You’ll never convince me that what happened to Deccol was your fault.”

Poe flinched. _Deccol_.

“Avara.” He looked away. “Her name was Avara.”

Finn pulled him into another hug and Poe let him, as he felt emotion build in his chest again.

It was too much. He was exhausted.

His eyes remained dry. It seemed like his tears had all dried up.

“If there is one thing you are _not_ , it’s a coward. You are the bravest person I know, Poe.”

“Yeah.” It came out like a scoff. “How do you think I learned that lesson? I started being _brave_ a bit too late.”

Finn shifted slightly, clearly unable to come up with an answer.

Because there wasn’t one.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I know it's some people might think it's a cheesy cliché but yeah that's what I did :)  
> Be prepared for some other character POVs, I'm testing the waters.
> 
> Also, I know it's actually canon that Tantive IV was destroyed on Exegol but I love that ship so I say it's still there.
> 
> hope everyone is well! [and sorry the chapter is short]  
> \- Iye


	3. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐈

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ◈ Finn's POV ◈

◈◈◈

And then a full minute later, Poe comes right back to it, the way Finn knew he would. They all knew he would.

Finn could feel the question teeming from Poe. Wanting to know why Kaydel had asked what she did. Some mixture of guilt and anger was burning in Finn’s gut and he knew it wasn’t his. This pain was Poe’s.

He’d never felt this from him before, not even when they had found out Leia had died. This was different, something unresolved, something long ignored.

Poe’s panic as he stared at the datapad was blindingly raw. As fierce as the ocean they’d encountered on Kef Bir.

Finn caught a glimpse of what he was looking at as he stepped closer.

It was one of the Order’s officer files. A woman with short hair, not much longer than a buzz cut, probably just a few years older than Kaydel herself. Just an identity file of a sergeant. They’d seen thousands of similar files. But something was obviously different about this one, going by Poe’s reaction.

But Finn couldn’t dwell on the file longer, not when Poe was heaving for air like there wasn’t enough around him. The datapad clattered loudly to the floor and Finn stepped over it to reach for Poe’s face. But it seemed to make things worse, making him pull away as if he didn’t know it was Finn.

It was hard, trying to quell the emotions that he knew were Poe’s, as he also tried to calm Poe. Finn tried again, grabbing his arms, and this time Poe didn’t back away. He seemed to see Finn then, searching his eyes as if he could find some explanation in them.

“Poe, just breathe. Just focus on breathing.”

But all that happened was Poe’s legs going weak and giving way. Finn gripped him, tugging him towards his original spot on the floor and pulled him into his chest. He started to cry through his shaky, shallow breaths and it dragged tears to Finn’s eyes. He’d seen Poe have a panic attack before, but this was worse. He was so _cold_. Finn could feel Poe’s ice building in his own stomach. It stung, freezing his insides.

“Hey, you’re alright. You’re safe. Just breathe.”

But it felt empty. Finn didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what this was about.

Kaydel was talking to Rose, explaining something in a hushed tone. Maybe the story.

BB-8 was staring at the fallen datapad, completely still.

Finn tightened his arms around Poe.

And slowly, _slowly_ , his breathing evened.

And then Poe stood up and walked out, not meeting Finn’s eyes. He stared at the door for a second as it closed after Poe, before turning sharply to Kaydel.

“Ok, what happened?”

“He was assigned on a mission three years ago, with a Commander Deccol. When he got back, he was, um, not well. And alone.”

“Not well?”

He was half-starved and, well, grieving,” she said, looking away uncomfortably. “It took him almost two months to recover if I remember correctly. Or at least, _look_ like he’d recovered.”

“And _that_ was her? Commander Deccol?”

“I- I think so. Yeah. She looked familiar, it took me a second to recognise her.”

There was a small moan and beep from BB-8.

Finn swallowed as he glanced at the droid, stomach twisting slightly.

“He fell in love with her?”

In response the droid rolled closer and displayed a hologram.

In it, was Poe. A Poe, with slightly longer hair and less tiredness in his eyes. A younger Poe. With, whom Finn assumed, was Commander Deccol.

There was no sound in the hologram, as Poe grabbed her arm when she moved to stand up. She appeared to be laughing at him as he pulled her down and questioned her desperately. But even in the blue, flickering record, Finn could see the light gleam in Poe’s eyes.

And Finn almost, _almost_ , felt jealous. Before catching himself. It wasn’t right. This was Poe’s past. He had no right to judge or feel jealous.

He could see why Poe would’ve fallen for Deccol. She seemed... bright. The way she was laughing like that, obviously teasing Poe.

Of _course_ he fell for her.

And then he lost her.

Poe had never told Finn anything about that mission. Nothing about her. Not even a mention. And Poe had told him almost everything about himself, he was so open. This was something so deep for Poe. And they had all just stumbled into it, tearing open his memories and bringing them up without realising. For even Poe to want to hide something like this... whatever happened must have broken him.

“Oh, BeeBee,” mumbled Rose, “is that why you never let anyone clean up your memory banks?”

The hologram flickered off as BB-8 gave a short, sad whistle.

“I never actually realised they- I mean, they didn’t like each other at the start, from what General Organa told me,” said Kaydel, frowning slightly. “But I never knew the whole story.”

Finn remained silent for a second.

“We need to find Poe. Beebs, do you think you can figure out where he went?” he asked suddenly.

The droid perked up and shifted towards the door.

“Ok. Kaydel, Rose, you two find out everything about Deccol’s current whereabouts. Get in touch with the bureau, don’t tell them why but ask if they have anything more on her.”

Both Rose and Kaydel nodded as Finn darted out of the door, running after BB-8.

◈◈◈

He could feel Poe, even though he wasn’t close. The icy guilt was still there, growing.

They were about five minutes deep into the jungle when D-O spoke abruptly from behind them, making them both whirl around.

“ _I f- followed him. I did not know what to do so-_ ”

“So you came and got us. Thank you, Dee.”

Beebs rumbled on ahead, right on D-O’s wheel until the smaller droid stopped. Finn and BB-8 exchanged looks, and the round droid continued on. Something made Finn hold back.

The restless guilt flared as Poe and his droid had a low conversation, too soft for Finn to hear. So he crept forward hesitantly, straining his ears. Just enough to catch the last of Poe’s sentence.

“... I still left her.”

No. Finn shook his head to himself as he sighed. Poe was always one to feel guilty. But Finn knew he would never leave someone behind.

So he said so.

But Poe still wasn’t convinced. The red guilt still clouded him. Finn knew Poe would’ve done anything to save Deccol.

The scars slipped into his memory. The faint ones on Poe’s wrists.

Finn had asked about them, once, and that had really been the only time Poe had ever completely shut down in a conversation. So after that, Finn had steered clear. But now he knew.

Poe had done everything he could’ve done. There was no doubt about that in Finn’s mind.

But pure, fresh anger burst forward and Poe screamed. He was _so_ convinced that it was his fault. Finn could see his agony burning. It almost made him back away.

It was overwhelming.

But what really struck Finn, was when he said _Deccol_. The way Poe’s anger vanished at the sound of it, like a flame being carefully snuffed out.

Avara was her name. He felt something soft flicker from Poe as he said it. As if he’d been longing to say it.

Avara.

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I might do more chapters from Finn.  
> Reminder: he is Force-sensitive here (AND in the movies, feel free to fight me on that).
> 
> don't forget to drop a kudo if you're enjoying :) they are most appreciated of course


	4. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙄𝙄𝙄

***

He couldn’t fall asleep. How could he? Everything was churning in his stomach even though he hadn’t even eaten during dinner. Finn’s steady breathing was the only calming thing that Poe could focus on.

But he got up anyway, moving slowly as to not wake his boyfriend up, carefully scooting out from under his arm, and slipped out of their room after pulling on his pants.

The floor and air were cold, under his feet and on his bare skin as he carefully walked through the _Tantive_ 's pristine corridors to the briefing room that they’d all been in earlier.

A whir of machinery behind him made him turn.

“Hey, Beebs.”

He got a couple of soft beeps in reply.

“I just need to see that file again. You think you could pull it up?”

Dread at the thought of seeing the file again was filling him, but he _needed_ to. He had to learn.

It flickered onto the holotable positioned in the center of the room.

He clenched his fists.

_Sergeant Alta Jardon_ , it said.

_**Age:** 27 years_

_**Homeworld:** Coruscant_

_**Height:** 1.52 m_

_**Next of Kin:** None_

_**Physical Description:** brown eyes, brown skin, dark brown hair._

_**Officer Duties:** combat training, platoon management_

_**Loyal to the Order:** 4 years_

_**Reconditioning:** Type F [Classified]_

By the time he was done reading, he was shaking with anger.

It was wrong. It was all wrong.

They took her and turned her into some tool they could use. They took her name, her identity. Everything.

He just stood there stiffly, gripping the chair and he gazed into her eyes. Her hair was a lot shorter, not long enough to curl. And she had a scar above her eyebrow. She’d got that on Ord Mantell. He remembered. Her eyes were piercing, sharp, with a serious glint. That wasn’t new.

Other than the uniform and the hair, she didn’t look any different. It twisted something inside him because he knew it wasn’t fully her. It wasn’t really Avara.

_Alta Jardon_. The name made him angry. It was wrong.

The door opened and he whipped around to see Finn. He sighed, the tension releasing from his shoulders as he let Finn wrap his arms around his shoulders.

“Finn, I’m-”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

So Poe stayed silent, closing his eyes as the useless apology died in his mouth, and tucked his face closer into Finn’s shoulder.

“I asked Rose and Kaydel to look into this further. To find anything we can on her.”

Poe nodded, face still hidden.

“Is it ok with you if I contact Jannah? She might be able to help.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. His voice was croaky. “Thank you.”

He felt Finn shake his head.

But that’s when it hit him.

She could be dead. The thought of it made him stiffen. No. That was too much. Too cruel.

“Poe, what’s wrong?”

He had to swallow past the lump in his throat. “I- she might be dead. What if- she would’ve died as First Order. She didn’t-”

“Shh, Poe, slow down. Take a breath.”

So he inhaled shakily, but all the deep breath did was bring more tears to his eyes.

“She would have died as something she hated. She didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve any of it,” he choked out.

“I know, I know. If she’s still out there, we’re gonna find her.”

Poe nodded, struggling to pull himself together.

Finn pulled away to look him in the eye. “Like I said, Rose and Kaydel are searching for more information.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, looking at Finn. Hesitantly.

Finn frowned slightly. “What is it?”

“I- I’m just sorry I-”

“Hey, no. No apologising.”

“Finn,” he sighed, “just listen. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about her.”

Finn opened his mouth again, probably to say the same thing again, but Poe continued faster.

“I didn’t tell you about what happened because-”

“Because you felt guilty,” Finn said gently. “I know, Poe. You know I can feel it. I get it.”

Poe looked away, blinking rapidly.

Damn tears.

He felt like some emotional teenager, constantly trembling on the edge of a breakdown. He just felt unstable, unsteady.

Which made sense because his world had just flipped upside down. And now he was struggling to hold on.

“Hey, do you want to go back to bed?”

“No, I want to...” he trailed off, gesturing at the holotable behind him, still on and displaying her.

“Ok. Do you want to tell me about her?”

Poe looked at him, surprise pricking his skin. “I- You want to know about her.”

It sounded like a statement, the way he said it. But it was a question. Of _course_ Finn would want to know about her.

He hadn’t even- oh, wait.

“I- shit, sorry Finn, I wasn’t really thinking-” he broke off, blushing slightly as Finn raised his eyebrows.

There was a hint of amusement in his expression that put Poe at ease.

“This might be a bit, uh, awkward for you,” he continued hesitantly.

“Because you loved her?”

Poe blinked, frowning suddenly. “Yeah. Wait, how do you-”

BB-8 chirped from behind him making him break off and sigh.

“Beebs explained a bit,” Finn mumbled, looking at him sheepishly.

Poe rubbed a nervous thumb over his eyebrow. “Right. Yeah.” He looked away.

“She’s someone you love, Poe. Telling me about her is not going to be awkward.”

When Poe looked up, Finn was still looking mildly amused. It made him blush again.

“I- Yeah. I just-”

“Don’t feel like it right now,” Finn finished easily.

Poe sighed again, almost glowering at his boyfriend. “You always know what’s on my mind. Kriffing Force.”

Finn grinned.

And for the first time in hours, Poe felt an actual smile pulling at his lips.

***

Jannah arrived two days later, dropped off by Lando. She had been on her search to find out where she was from. And the fact that she had put _that_ on hold and come all the way, purely to help Poe... it was a lot.

It was good to see her. She seemed to bring a fresh breeze to their lonely cave on Ajan Kloss.

Poe was sitting on their bed, back against the wall, knees tucked up against his chest. He felt vulnerable in this topic of conversation. At least Finn was pressed against his side.

“She wouldn’t be there voluntarily,” he said quietly. “They must have done something.”

Finn and Jannah exchanged looks.

“The reconditioning. Her file says she was reconditioned,” Poe suggested hopefully.

“I saw,” Jannah said, nodding slowly. “‘Type F Reconditioning’. I don’t know what Type F would include.”

“It did say ‘classified’,” Rose said from the table across the room.

“I’ve just never heard of a _sergeant_ going through reconditioning. It was only stormtroopers. Never officers,” supplied Finn, still looking at Jannah.

“Same for me,” she said, nodding and turning to Poe. “That’s not normal.”

“Which means they _did_ do something to her,” muttered Kaydel, something akin to anger flickering over her face. “She _was_ different from the rest of them.”

BB-8 twitted furiously from next to the bed.

“A brainscrape is also possible,” Finn said, frowning.

Jannah shifted uncomfortably at the end of the bed. “It’s possible.”

“What’s a brainscrape?”

Poe almost didn’t want to know.

“It’s a full mental wipe,” Finn explained, after a hesitant pause. “And then a reprogram. Brainwashing,” he elaborated after Kaydel and Rose frowned confusedly.

Poe felt the blood drain from his face. He saw Jannah glance at him before shooting Finn a sharp look.

It seemed that Finn got the hint.

“Ok, the bureau, what did they say?” he asked quickly, looking expectantly at Rose and Kaydel, sort of changing the subject.

The two women glanced at each other.

“Well, they had nothing except for the information we already had. No sightings or reports of her since this file of hers was updated,” Kaydel said.

“And that was more than year ago,” Rose added.

There was an apologetic, almost pitying expression on her face as she looked at Poe.

He hated it. The both of them, Rose and Kaydel, they kept looking at him like he was seconds away from shattering like some fragile piece of glass.

And he probably was, but he didn’t need the reminder.

“So at least we know the Republic hasn’t already captured and executed her for treason,” Finn muttered, half to himself as Poe avoided Rose’s eyes to glare at the hem of the bedsheet he was desperately rolling between his fingers.

“Well, where was her last recorded location? Was she on a ship?” asked Jannah, twisting around to look at the two on the table.

“Yeah, hang on,” muttered Kaydel, frowning slightly at her datapad. “It had her on a ship’s manifest. Uh, right! Here, the _Fellfire_.”

It was a vaguely familiar name.

Finn and Jannah had obviously recognised it too, going by the way their eyebrows raised at each other.

“Isn’t that a star destroyer?” mumbled Rose, glancing at Finn.

“Yeah. And it’s also one of the ships unaccounted for,” he added, glancing at Poe. Something like satisfaction was gleaming in his eyes. “The Republic is still looking for it. Missing since Exegol. Gone into hiding.”

She could still be out there. She could actually be alive.

BB-8 whistled, his little indicator light flashing happily.

Poe’s chest felt tight.

It wasn’t panic, it was more... stunned disbelief. Sure, she was still a First Order official, but there was a massive chance she could actually be alive. There was a chance he _actually_ could get her back. He could really get Avara back. It didn’t seem real. Some sort of cruel dream?

He just stared at Finn, eyes wide, words stuck.

Finn was looking back at him, with half a smile on his face. “Yeah,” he murmured, nodding, squeezing Poe’s arm. “We’ll find her.”

There was that determined look in his eyes. The one that meant Finn had his mind made up.

Poe swallowed thickly and nodded rapidly, releasing a shaky breath.

“Yeah, we all will. We’re going to help you Poe. This isn’t a solo task for you.”

Rose’s words dragged his gaze to the rest of them.

He really could have burst into tears right there.

How did _he_ get them?

“Yeah, I think we’re done for now,” said Finn gently, eyes still studying Poe. “Break time.”

The others filed out of their room quietly. Rose gave his shoulder a light squeeze as she passed by him before the door slid shut.

Poe let out a groan that had been sitting in his throat as his head tilted forward into his knees.

Relief? It felt like relief.

Finn chuckled from next to him, a warm, familiar sound.

“Too much?”

“No, no. It was-” he broke off as he lifted his head to meet Finn’s _don’t bullshit me_ gaze. “Yeah, uh, maybe a bit too much,” he corrected, looking away as his face flushed. “Thank you, Finn.”

“Oh,” Finn huffed. “Stop with the thank you’s. They’re not needed. Not with me.”

Poe just sighed softly and leaned his forehead towards Finn as his eyes fluttered shut. Their noses brushed against each other as Finn ran a hand through Poe’s hair, foreheads touching.

It was a tiny, brief moment of peace.

Until the words, _Mandalorian gesture_ , burned through his mind.

Poe sucked in a breath as he pulled away sharply, skin prickling.

He caught a glimpse of Finn’s confused frown before he buried his face into a hand with a moan.

“Poe?”

“Wait, shit, I- sorry Finn, I don’t know-”

“Hey, there is a lot on your mind right now-”

“I just- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Poe, hey, Poe? Look at me.”

He cut off his babbling to do what Finn said.

His eyes were clear, gentle. As usual.

“It’s ok, Poe. Just take it easy. I know this is hard for you.”

Poe just nodded, trying to look past the bitter taste in his mouth.

The taste that was telling him _Finn didn’t deserve this_ , _Finn didn’t deserve to have someone like him, who was stuck in the past_ , _Finn deserved someone whole, not_ -

“Poe. I think you need to get some rest, ok?”

All he could do was nod.

He couldn’t get his racing mind to slow down enough for him to sleep that night.

Not even with Finn curled around him.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slower updates guys! But they're still coming, I'm not done with this story yet :)


	5. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐈𝐈

◈◈◈

Finn was feeling guilty. He had known that name.

Jardon.

The second he had read it, a couple of nights ago when he found Poe in the briefing room. It seemed to ring an old, rusted bell buried deep in his memories.

He hadn’t told Poe. Yet. He probably should. He will.

Her file had listed combat training in her duties. Maybe she had been an officer at one of the Order’s Academies. That might explain how he’d heard the name.

Movement in the corner of his eye made him glance up from the form he’d been distractedly trying to complete.

Kaydel was walking towards him looking troubled. Followed by Rose who had a similar expression on her face. So he hurriedly finished signing off the form on his datapad before turning to them.

“Something wrong?”

They exchanged looks.

“We found out... _something_ about Deccol.”

Finn perked up. “Oh?”

“It’s not really good news,” continued Kaydel. “And, um, I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell Poe. Right now, at least. It doesn't affect the search.”

“I think it’s a worse idea to _not_ tell him,” snapped Rose.

Finn shifted uneasily, glancing between the two of them. They were glaring at each other.

“We can tell him later, when he’s more... stable. And I don’t mean that as an insult,” Kaydel added quickly to Finn as Rose scoffed. “He’s just not in the best place right now. It won’t help.”

Rose scowled and shook her head. “Well, just remember _I_ didn’t think it was a good idea when this comes back and bites you in the ass.”

“Whoa, ok,” interrupted Finn quickly, seeing Kaydel about to deliver a retort that would most likely sting. “Why don’t you tell me what it is you found?”

“Well, Deccol is listed on two ship’s manifests. The _Fellfire_ and, um, the _Finalizer_.”

He stiffened. “The _Finalizer_ ,” he muttered. “She was on the _Finalizer_? Are you sure?”

Kaydel nodded, looking grim.

“She was there when-” he paused, “-right. Jakku. Shit.”

No wonder her name had sounded familiar to him.

“Yeah. She was there when you were, and more significantly, when Poe was, however brief.”

“You can’t keep this from him, it’s big,” Rose argued.

Finn swallowed, thinking hard.

There was no point upsetting Poe. Like Kaydel had said, this information wouldn't affect their search for Avara.

“Kaydel is right,” he said finally, as Rose groaned. “It’ll bother him even more. I- I’ll tell him later. Not now.”

“It’s not right to hide it from him,” she hissed.

“It’s better for him, Rose. He’s in a crappy place right now. This will make him feel worse.”

Finn’s skin seemed to prick as Rose fixed him with an unusually sharp look.

“Well, I won’t tell him. But this isn’t right.”

She turned and stalked off, leaving him squirming uncomfortably.

He looked at Kaydel for a second, suddenly unsure.

“She’s not wrong,” he mumbled.

“I just think it’ll make Poe feel even more guilty. And he’s had enough of that feeling to last him a lifetime.”

Finn nodded. “He has.”

“So you were stationed on the _Finalizer_. Did you know her?”

“I was only on that ship for a few months, finishing the last of my training. She doesn’t seem familiar. I guess there’s a chance I might’ve, I don't know, walked past her at some point. But I don’t know her.”

Something anxious was building in his stomach. He didn't like hiding things.

Kaydel nodded, not picking up on his uncertainty. “Ok, well I’ll see you at the mess for lunch.”

Finn just nodded and watched as she walked off.

It came to him. The sergeant who couldn't be beaten in hand-to-hand by any cadet or trooper. He remembered her.

Shit.

◈◈◈

“So, let me get this straight. You knew Poe's ex when you were a stormtrooper and you haven't yet told Poe?”

Finn frowned. “When you phrase it like that it sounds worse than it is. And I didn’t _know_ her,” he added indignantly. “We just... existed on the same ship for a while.”

Rey’s form flickered in the hologram as she raised her eyebrows.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” he continued firmly.

“It will be for him,” she countered.

“I- Yeah,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose for a second. “I know. I’ll tell him, Rey. It’s not like I’m _never_ going to tell him.”

“Well, it will be better if you tell him, rather than him finding it out himself. You know what he’s like.”

Finn just gave her a grumpy look.

She rolled her eyes. “What? Tired of the lecture?”

“How are things there?” he asked blankly, ignoring her jab.

“Not too bad,” she replied grinning slightly. “The usual. It’s quiet and sandy. Every now and then I board a traveller in the spare room. Extra credits. Oh,” she said, lighting up at she remembered something, “I got a droid! I’ve been missing BeeBee-Eight but I know he could never stay away from Poe for too long, so I bought an R6 unit.”

Rey’s thrilled glee was contagious, even through the shitty holo-signal.

She got excited over the smallest of things but seeing as she’d barely had a proper life on Jakku, it was to be expected.

“No droid will ever be as good as Beebs though, and you know it.”

Rey’s eyes twinkled. “Oh, poor Beebee will be jealous. R6 is pretty good. I haven’t had her long enough to pick up on any quirks though.”

Finn was opening his mouth to reply when the base-wide alarm for dinner blasted through the _Tantive_ ’s speakers.

Rey laughed as she heard it through the hologram. “You guys still use the alarms? There’s like _four_ of you still there.”

“Yeah but we haven’t actually figured out how to shut them off,” he replied as she shook her head amusedly. “Plus, there’s five of us right now. Jannah arrived yesterday to help with the... _situation_.”

“And no invite for me?”

He chuckled. “You’re always welcome to come over Rey, you know that. Plus, I have a weird feeling we’ll need you later,” he mumbled, going serious.

“What do you mean?”

“Avara’s memories.”

It was really all he needed to say to get the point across. Her face shifted, almost looking wary.

“Maybe. We’ll see. Anyway, I think you need to go have dinner.”

“I do. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yep, bye Finn. Take care, send my love to the others.”

He smiled and nodded as Rey moved to disconnect the call.

The second it was off, his face fell.

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hella short chapter so expect the next one in the next couple days!
> 
> (I really appreciate the comments you guys leave, they're like extra shots of serotonin in my day :)  
> \- Iye


	6. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙄𝙑

***

One seemingly harmless thing, in particular, confused him. It had been bugging him, constantly under his skin for the past few restless weeks.

That bit in her file that said, _Loyal to the Order: 4 years_.

That didn’t really make sense. She had been missing for just under three years. Not four. It made him uneasy. But that was the last problem to deal with.

They still hadn’t found the _Fellfire_. They had been combing through tips and files and reports from the Bureau for the past three weeks. Looking for any sign of the rogue ship. Nothing.

During Exegol, the star destroyer had been orbiting Lothal along with another, reports said. But as the Final Order fell to their attack above Exegol, there was an uprising on Lothal against the First Order. The _Fellfire_ managed to flee the planet as it’s counterpart ship was destroyed. That was it’s last sighting. A whole year ago.

It was concerning, seeing how easy it was for a ship that large and recognisable to disappear so easily. It had severed all connections and signals and made a jump to hyperspace. Gone.

And another thing was bothering him. It was eating away at him.

He had to tell her family. They had to know. They had that right. She would want them to know. And it was his duty to tell them.

They had to know that she had never actually died back then.

No, the First Order had just taken her and ripped her identity away.

And it was his fault. If he had gone back for her... if he hadn’t listened to that scout...

Speaking of Meelo Dromef, Poe had developed a useless hatred for the man who had dragged him out of that Black Sun stronghold. Useless, because the man was dead.

Poe had broken the holoprojector that had shown him Meelo’s file and the details of his death. Poe had swiped it off the table in a fury, and it had hit the wall with enough force to crack as the others stared in shock.

Maybe it was a good thing the scout was already dead. Poe would’ve hunted him down otherwise.

It was scary, terrifying really, the thought of returning to Mandalore to tell Avara’s family. It made him feel sick. There was just too much that had happened there. Too much history.

Poe had decided he would go when they located the _Fellfire_. He couldn’t help but wonder what their reactions would be. Three years after he gave them the incorrect news that Avara was dead, he was now going back to tell them the opposite. And not only that, but that she was also on the other side.

Maker, it _hurt_. Finding out she hadn’t died on Ord Mantell had sort of pushed him over the edge. He couldn’t think about anything other than what he had done. How he had just left her.

BB-8 had stuck by his side during the last three weeks. Not letting him out of sight. Poe wondered if Finn had told the droid to keep an eye on him, or if Beebs had just decided to do it by himself.

Either way, he was thankful.

It seemed that all the other droids had similar ideas too. D-O, Artoo, they all seemed to be following him around. Even Threepio tried. _Tried_.

Artoo had taken a sudden liking for Poe.

Probably stemmed from when he was in Poe’s X-wing during Exegol. That, and maybe because the old droid knew that Leia had picked Poe as her successor.

The cryptic and often rude droid had begun telling him stories from the Clone Wars. It had become a sort of routine for them. No one on their base had known that Artoo had been a part of that war.

And the stories were intriguing and _surprisingly_ hilarious.

But Poe was getting desperate despite the distractions. The quicker they found the star destroyer that was keeping Avara away from him, they quicker he’d stop feeling torn.

And then there was more guilt with wanting Avara back. Finn.

Finn had been dealing with this whole situation with so much grace and, well, virtue. But Poe had no idea what he was really thinking. He knew Finn was hiding what he was actually thinking, for Poe’s sake. But he remained there for Poe anyways.

***

And then it happened.

They had both jerked up in their beds to turn and blink blearily at Rose and Kaydel, who had just burst into their room. Eyes gleaming.

And Poe had straightened up further with Finn suddenly gripping his shoulder, knowing, realising what had just happened. BB-8 trilled excitedly from his corner of the room.

The four of them had just stared at each other for a second, rigid with apprehension.

“Where?”

It came out of his mouth automatically, without needing to think.

“A _Resurgent_ _class_ battlecruiser is suspected to be located in the Bracca system,” Rose read from the datapad she was holding.

“It could be the _Fellfire_ ,” mumbled Finn from behind Poe. “It probably _is_ the _Fellfire_.”

“What now?” Poe asked, feeling slightly light-headed with awe.

It was amazing. He had spent the majority of his hours awake thinking about what he’d do when they located the _Fellfire_. And now that they had, he had no idea what to do. Useless.

“We’ll make a plan. A mission,” Finn replied firmly.

Jannah appeared then, standing at the door with a rare, bright grin. “Already on it. I’ve requested confiscated First Order armour and uniforms from the Republic. If we’re going to infiltrate the ship, we need to be convincing.”

“Good thinking,” mumbled Finn. “Except I won't... I don't...”

He trailed off and Poe turned around to look at him. Finn had an almost nauseous expression on his face.

Poe frowned, suddenly leaning closer to him in concern.

“I know,” said Jannah gently.

Finn just nodded at her and blinked at Poe, telling him he’ll explain later.

“Anyway, it’s the middle of the night,” Jannah interrupted before Kaydel tried to start speaking again. “We should all get to sleep. Tomorrow we can start planning.”

Kaydel looked slightly disgruntled but they all slowly filed out of the room.

Leaving Finn and Poe in silence.

They stared at each other.

“What was that?” Poe asked softly, taking in Finn’s vaguely uncomfortable expression. “What were you going to say?”

“I just didn’t, uh, I didn’t want to wear-”

“Stormtrooper uniform,” sighed Poe, interrupting. “I should’ve picked up on that. You don’t have to Finn. I wouldn’t ask you to do that.”

Finn smiled faintly, avoiding Poe’s eyes as he nodded.

“C’mon, let’s get some sleep like Jannah said.”

“You really think you can sleep right now?” Finn asked almost teasingly.

Poe huffed as he shifted around, scooting back under their sheet. “I’m damn well gonna try.”

Poe knew Finn was awake more than half an hour after they shut the lights off. They were both wide awake.

Apprehension was boiling in his stomach, making him restless.

“Are you ok?”

Poe almost laughed. He should’ve seen the question coming.

“I think so. I feel like I’m in a better mood than I have been for a while. It just doesn’t... feel real.”

“Like a dream?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

He found Finn’s hand and pulled it under his chin.

“Hey, I never would’ve expected you to wear any of that trooper armour again. I know what it means for you. I’d never ask you to do that.”

“I know, Poe,” came the quiet murmur. “But you know I’d do it for you anyway.”

He squeezed Finn’s hand, something shy and nervously happy keeping him from verbally replying.

***

The First Order uniforms that Jannah sent for, arrived a week later. A _long_ week later.

Two sets of stormtrooper armour and two captains’ uniforms.

Meanwhile, the team had been making their plan. Jannah and Finn would take the captains’ uniforms, obviously. They could play the part much better. Rose and Poe would take the trooper armour.

They’d almost tried to tell Poe that Kaydel and Rose would be the stormtroopers. But they’d seen his face and hastily changed the plan.

They all knew it would be hard to gain entry to the star destroyer. The personnel of the ship would be extremely wary of any outsiders, seeing as the Order was already defeated.

But as long as they could get in, they could grab Avara and get out. Hopefully.

Poe had taken to getting into his X-wing more often he had used to. Flying still cleared his head. When Finn was busy, which was a lot, Poe hopped into his cockpit.

And every time he was up in the air, he thought about what he’d say to Din. And Cara and Paz and Penn. He’d have to go to Mandalore before they infiltrated the _Fellfire_.

Naturally, Finn had offered to go with him. But Poe wasn’t yet sure whether Finn should come or not.

On one hand, he knew he could rely on Finn for support, and he would likely need it especially on Mandalore.

But on the other hand, was it really a good idea to bring his boyfriend to the home of the previous person he was in love with? It probably wasn’t.

And wasn’t this something Poe should do alone? He didn’t deserve to have Finn’s support for this, if he was being honest with himself. It was his job, and his job alone to tell Avara’s family.

He would and should deal with whatever consequences came his way _himself_.

He was torn.

Finn had tried to talk him through it, but Poe had clammed up at the very thought of looking into Din’s visor again. He hadn’t been able to the last time, and he wasn’t sure if he had to courage to do it this time. But he couldn’t back out of it, he just had to push himself to go.

***

Three days later, he was clambering up into his cockpit, limbs heavy with anxiety. He still hadn’t decided whether to take Finn or not.

Poe glanced over his shoulder, watching the man was climbing into another X-wing. Finn was intent on following Poe until he made his mind up.

He slung his bag into the cockpit and settled into his seat, shoving the bag into the far corner with his feet and promptly buried his face into his hands.

“Poe?”

He looked up.

Kaydel was on his X-wing’s ladder, looking into the cockpit.

“Good luck. You’ll be ok,” she said, nodding reassuringly. “Send a message when you arrive, ok? Don’t forget.”

He just nodded and swallowed thickly.

“Anything else you need before you leave?”

“Can you tell me how to tell someone that their daughter isn’t actually dead like they thought, oh and not only that but she’s been in the First Order for more than three years and probably doesn’t remember her past?”

It burst out before he could squash it but luckily Kaydel didn’t look too bothered by it.

She just leaned in and pressed a kiss to his temple.

“We’ll see you soon, Poe. Fly safe. Don’t be too hard on yourself, ok?”

***

It was roughly seven hours to Mandalore from Ajan Kloss, with a brief stopover at the desert plant of Er’Kit to stretch their legs. All the while, Poe’s insides twisted and writhed.

Artoo and BB-8 had accompanied them, Beebs in Finn’s X-wing and Artoo in Poe’s. Poe had been teaching Finn to fly after Exegol, and so far he’d shaped up into an exceptional pilot. But he still wasn’t as good as Poe, and Poe just loved to teasingly hold this over Finn’s head.

They spent most of the trip in silence. Poe pretended to sleep for most of it, though he knew Finn was aware he was awake anyway.

Artoo and Beebs were a decent distraction. Their wildly contrasting personalities made for rather funny interactions between the two.

Artoo told them a tall tale depicting how he had once single-handedly rescued two trapped Jedi. The story included some monsters called gundarks, explosions and bounty hunters. 

And by the end of it, BB-8 was whistling disbelievingly while Artoo indignantly yelled at the younger droid. Poe was smiling as he and Finn both shut the droids up.

  
  


An hour later, they set the X-wings down into the sand.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Poe is back on Avara's planet (it's time for some drama I think).  
> I'm actually really enjoying writing this next bit that's set on Mandalore.
> 
> This was a slightly longer chapter to make up for the slightly longer wait time :) glad you people are enjoying it!  
> Don't forget to drop a kudo!  
> \- Iye
> 
> [The events Artoo talks about happen in the episode of 'R2 Come Home' of the Clone Wars (Season 2 Episode 21). It's one of my fav episodes from when I was little]


	7. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙑

***

It was nighttime when they landed.

Poe took his time getting out of his cockpit. It felt like his uneasiness was affecting his movement. Slowing him down, making him feel sluggish.

“Artoo, just stay here with Beebs for now. I’ll come get you two later.”

He got a soft beep in reply has he jumped down from his X-wing, the shock of the jump running up his knees. Finn was already there, the light of his X-wing surrounding him with a glow.

The wind was as harsh as Poe remembered, spitting up sand to lash against his skin.

He looked up, but there were only dark, grey clouds. No stars.

He raised his hand to shield his eyes from the sand as he lowered his head, hearing Artoo whistle.

Four Mandos were approaching, accompanied by the light from their jetpacks.

Poe shifted back, as dread suddenly welled up but felt a light, comforting touch on his back from Finn. A reminder that he was there.

“Are they hostile?” came a soft question.

Poe had told Finn a little about the Mandalorians.

“Maybe. Don’t hide your blaster but definitely don’t use it either.”

He couldn’t help but remember Penn the first time he came to Mandalore.

Weirdly enough, the first thing Poe found himself wanting to do was compliment the leading Mando on her choice of colours on her armour as she landed. Black and orange. He liked it.

But he wisely kept his mouth shut. After all, all four of them had their guns drawn.

“Identify yourselves.”

“I’m Poe Dameron,” he said, stepping forward. He could feel Finn’s eyes on him. “This is Finn. I’ve come to...”

The words stuck in his throat and the Mando tilted her head, waiting for the answer.

“We’re here to speak with someone called Cara,” Finn spoke up quickly, shooting a glance at Poe.

The worry in his eyes was obvious.

“She’s, uh, an old friend of mine I guess,” muttered Poe as he shuffled his feet, annoyed at himself.

After a long second, the blasters lowered.

“You’re Resistance.”

Poe nodded, relief fluttering at the recognition.

Relief that he didn’t have to explain more.

Two of the Mandos at the back glanced at each other.

“Follow me,” Black and Orange said, holstering her blaster and turning away. She flicked a hand at one of the others and he took to the air, flying ahead back towards Sundari.

They trekked after her, both of them ducking their heads against the wind. Sand had already made it's way into his boots, making every step uncomfortable.

Poe had left his grey scarf in the cockpit. _Her_ grey scarf.

It looked like the same doorway they’d entered through, all those years ago. The tall buildings of the city glinted in the faint artificial night lights.

Finn’s eyes widened as he stared around and Poe once again reminded himself to show Finn more of the galaxy one day. He still hadn’t seen enough.

The second they stepped in, the wind eased. Unlike his anxiety. It was coursing through him like a wild river. He could barely keep it down.

Blue caught his eye. Familiar blue.

Poe automatically straightened as Penn strode over.

“Poe.”

“Penn.”

They stared at each other for a vaguely tense moment before Poe saw Finn look at him out of the corner of his eye. Again. “Uh, this is Finn.”

Penn nodded at Finn before reaching up and removing his helmet.

He still looked the same. His light brown hair was longer and wavier, eyes still grey, the same tattoo still curled on his cheekbone. Still handsome.

Penn quickly nodded at the Mandalorians who had escorted them in and they headed away.

“Why are you here? Is something wrong?”

Straight to the point, of course. Poe would’ve preferred some small talk first.

“In a way. I need to talk with Cara. And Din.”

“Right. Come with me. Is it very urgent?”

Poe hesitated. “It can wait until morning.”

“Ok. I’ll show you to spare quarters for the night then.”

They walked through the quiet streets, Penn half a step in front of them with his helmet tucked under his arm.

“How is Paz?” Poe asked, attempting to diffuse the awkwardness.

Penn turned slightly at the question. “He’s well.” There was a pause. “What is _this_ about? Is this about Avara?”

“Yes.”

Penn nodded and his eyes sharpened curiously at the curt answer but he didn’t probe any more on that topic. 

Thankfully.

“Who is your friend?” he asked.

His tone was light, but Poe knew they could all feel the strain. 

“He’s general of the Resistance,” Poe said, beating Finn to an answer.

Finn shot him a grumpy look as Penn raised his eyebrows.

"A general?"

“Poe is General too,” Finn muttered as Penn studied him.

“Eh. We all knew you were better as our General anyway.”

“That’s not true-”

“Ask Rose or Kaydel.”

Finn looked away, clearly flustered.

“Oh, and thank you,” Poe said suddenly, turning to Penn. “For coming to Exegol.”

“It was the least we could do,” Penn replied, meeting Poe's gaze with the softest look Poe had ever seen on his face.

Poe just ducked his head briefly.

***

He wondered if Penn had done it on purpose, giving them quarters in the same building Poe had stayed in the last time. He’d realised it when they had stepped through the door. The layout of the rooms was exactly the same.

The first thing he did was check for a mirror.

He huffed a minute later, almost amused as he stared at his own reflection in the shiny surface on the wall of the refresher.

Penn had also given them only one apartment which had one bedroom and one bed. The Mandalorian had somehow picked up on Finn and Poe.

He felt robotic, rigid, as he got ready to sleep, his mind not focused on his movements. He was trying to figure out what he would say to Din and Cara.

_I don’t think Avara is dead,_ he pictured himself saying to Cara’s stunned face and Din’s immovable visor. _I think she’s on a First Order star destroyer._

No matter how he tried to phrase it, it didn’t feel right. But then there probably wasn’t a right way to say it anyway.

Finn didn’t say anything as they lay down to sleep. He just gave Poe a kiss on the forehead as they curled up.

Luckily, sleep took Poe quickly.

***

They followed the thin stream of Mandalorians the next morning, heading for the hall for breakfast. People stared at them curiously, clearly noticing that they were visitors, but didn’t say anything.

Finn seemed to be taking in every detail he could, from the various suits of armour to the dome. He was enjoying it despite the reason they were there.

For that, Poe was glad. Mandalore was a beautiful place with a rich culture. He was glad Finn could enjoy it even if he couldn’t.

They stopped outside the doors to the hall, Finn peeking into the grand room. Poe, on the other hand, was keeping an eye out for anyone he could recognise. Finding Penn would be the best option as he already knew they were there.

“Hey, are you two new recruits?”

They both turned to see a man heading towards them.

“What?”

“Recruits,” he said again. “For the Creed.”

“They’re visitors,” came a call before Poe could reply.

It was the black and orange armour from the previous night.

“They’re just here to see Cara.”

“Ah.”

The common curious look appeared on the man’s face before he walked off into the hall. The woman came closer.

“Should I fetch Cara for you?”

Poe swallowed nervously but nodded. “If you can. Thank you.”

She just gave them a curt nod and slipped away, heading through the large doors.

He knew Finn was studying him. His gaze was burning into the side of Poe’s face. But he didn’t meet Finn’s eyes.

Two minutes later, a familiar person came out. Short hair with a round face and a tiny, light tattoo on her cheek.

Poe almost shuddered as her eyes found him.

“You’re ok. You’re fine, Poe.”

Finn’s whisper sounded behind his hair and Poe gave him a tiny nod as he watched Cara come closer.

“Poe? What are you doing here?”

For a second, she hesitated, very visibly, before stepping closer and pulling him into a tight hug.

“How are you?” she murmured as they parted, voice gentle.

“I’m ok,” he mumbled after a moment of searching for words. “I- uh, this is Finn.”

Finn nodded politely, both him and Cara offering each other a soft smile.

“I’ve come because, well, I’ve got some news,” Poe said, forcing the sentence out.

She frowned slightly. “Good or bad?”

“I don’t know. Both, maybe.”

“Is it something to do with Mandalore? I guess you’re with the Republic now?” she asked slowly, glancing between him and Finn. “Do you need to talk with Din?”

“It’s about Avara.”

It came out in a rush, with a sharp breath. Somehow, he couldn’t stop himself from saying it. It just had to get out.

Cara just stared at him, blinking a few times. She’d gone still.

“What?”

“I need to talk with you and Din. It’s important.”

He couldn’t hold her gaze, choosing to stare to the side, at the early morning sunlight reflecting off of windows on a far building. It was beautiful.

“What is it?”

Her voice was tight, holding something in.

“I- we should wait for Din-”

“ _What_ is it?”

Poe felt Finn shift next to him.

“She’s not dead,” he whispered.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo fucking sorry that the chapters are taking so long to get updated!! So thanks for the patience, it really does mean a lot.


	8. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐈𝐈𝐈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, if you see this '◈◈◈' it means it's Finn's POV. (Also the chapter title.)

◈◈◈

The silver Mandalorian was intimidating. He was standing there in his armour, leaning against the table as if he were relaxed.

But Din was obviously was far from relaxed. His gloved hands were gripping the edge of the table.

Cara was standing next to another Mandalorian called Paz. Apparently, he was Penn’s father.

And Penn himself was pacing the room, eyes fixed on the thinly carpeted floor.

Poe was facing Din, somehow staring him straight in the visor. Finn could feel the fury radiating off the Mandalorian, but he couldn’t tell who exactly it was directed at. The room was thick with it.

The fear that had been flooding from Poe just minutes before had dissipated. It was just shame now.

Finn swallowed nervously as Din walked closer, stopping inches from Poe.

“She’s _where_?”

The man’s voice was low, soft.

“A star destroyer in the Bracca system.”

“And when did you come by this information?”

“About five days ago.”

“Why is she there?”

Poe opened his mouth, but no sound came out. So Finn stepped forward.

“We think they altered or erased her memories,” he said carefully.

The visor turned to him and he almost shrunk under the glare. Din was worse than Phasma, Finn’s old captain back when he was a stormtrooper.

“What do you mean?” asked Penn, stopping in his tracks. “She doesn’t remember us?”

“I don’t think so,” mumbled Poe quietly.

“I’ll kill them,” Penn snarled through gritted teeth. “We need to get her. _Din, gar liniba duumir aka_ ,” he said, moving towards Avara’s father. “ _Ni dinu val tali_.”

“Din,” Paz said in a warning tone from next to Cara. “Din, I know what you’re thinking. You can’t go yourself. The people need you.”

“So let _me_ go,” Penn said quickly, following his father’s words. “I’ll take Livy and-”

Poe spoke up, interrupting Penn. “Hey, _wait_. We’ve already started to plan and infiltration.”

“ _What_? _You_ think you can get her back?”

Penn scoffed as Poe flushed.

“I seem to remember you being the one who _lost_ her in the first place.”

“That’s _enough_!”

The yell came from Cara. Her eyes were burning as she glared at Penn. He deflated and stepped back, but the anger was still evident.

Finn was lucky. If Cara hadn’t spoken, he would’ve told Penn to shut up himself.

Poe was shaking. Finn clenched his fists.

“We should stage our own attack,” Penn stated quietly, turning to look at Din again.

The silver Mandalorian was still frozen, helmet turned to the wall.

“She’s one of _us_ , she’s _our_ family,” Penn continued.

“I need to set this right,” mumbled Poe. His eyes were red. “It’s my fault she’s there, right? So _I_ should be the one to bring her back.”

Finn had to bite his tongue to stop himself from correcting Poe. It _wasn’t_ his fault.

“Din?” Cara said tentatively. “Din, what should we do?”

But the man just turned around to face Poe again.

“She’s really not dead?”

There was something soft in his voice. Gentle hope. Just a man asking for his daughter.

It twisted something inside Finn, and he had to look away quickly, the emotion suddenly overwhelming.

“I don’t think so,” whispered Poe. “I think she’s still there.”

When Finn looked back, Din was nodding slowly.

“Penn.”

Penn straightened.

“You’ll go with Poe and...”

The silver helmet turned to Finn.

“I’m Finn.”

Din gave him a curt nod. “Penn, you’ll leave with Poe and Finn tonight. Join them on their mission.”

Penn pursed his lips, but he nodded. It was the best deal he would get.

◈◈◈

Penn ended up accompanying Finn to the two X-wings to get R2 and BB-8.

Poe had wanted to talk with Din alone, so Finn began to walk back the way they had entered the city and Penn had just silently followed him. That didn’t exactly please Finn. He was still miffed at the Mandalorian for the way he had sneered at Poe.

Both the droids whistled at seeing him, BB-8 happy and R2 grumpy that he’d been left there so long.

He finally spoke as they were walking back.

“Listen,” he said sharply, pulling Penn’s gaze up to focus on him. “None of this was Poe’s fault. You can’t blame him for what happened to Avara.”

Finn hadn’t expected it, but Penn actually looked ashamed for a moment.

“I know. I don’t really- I don’t blame him. I just... got angry.”

Finn nodded, still carefully watching Penn.

“So what’s your plan then? To get her out?”

“You mean the infiltration. Well, she’s on a battlecruiser called the _Fellfire_. We can’t be sure yet, but we got a report of a ship located in the Bracca system. It might be the _Fellfire_.”

Penn tilted his head thoughtfully, his eyes fixed on the sand as they walked.

“How did you guys realise she was there,” he asked quietly after a moment.

“We were looking through First Order personnel files. We help the Republic’s Security Bureau, so they share information with us.”

Penn raised his eyebrows. “Why don’t you just join them? I mean, there isn’t really a need for the Resistance anymore, right?”

“Yeah. But Poe hates procedure and rules and all that stuff. And the Republic is full of it.”

Penn huffed. “And what, you follow him?”

Finn smiled slightly. He’d come across this question before.

Truth be told, he knew his life started for real when he first laid eyes on the bloodied and bruised hotshot flyboy. When he first decided that Poe was going to be his ticket off of the _Finalizer_. When Poe's eyes had lit up as Finn told him that he was going to break him out.

Poe had changed everything.

“I feel like I’ve known him my whole life,” he ended up saying.

He would’ve said more, but Penn’s knowing look seemed to say that he understood.

“Were you close with Avara?” Finn asked a minute later, unsure if the question was a good idea.

“She... well, we grew up together,” he sighed. “She was- _is_ like a sister to me.”

Finn nodded sympathetically.

“Poe loved her too. A lot. I think he still does.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. She was like a magnet. People were always drawn to her. But does that bother you? That Poe loves her?”

Finn bit his lip for a second, properly mulling it over as if he hadn’t already.

“I don’t think so. I understand it. Or, I understand _him_.”

Penn nodded.

Finn didn’t want the conversation to end on such a deep note so he asked the first question that popped into his head.

“The colours of the armour, do they mean anything?”

Penn instinctively looked down at his dark blue helmet. There was a tiny, pretty star painted on it.

“The colours all have meanings, but most people go for the colours they like, despite the meaning. I mean, some of the younger ones change their colours every week which is stupid. Best to stick with one.”

“If you’re in the middle of a firefight or something, you don’t have to think about any colour changes when trying to recognise someone,” Finn said after a second.

Penn gave him an approving look.

“Exactly. You a soldier?”

The question was enough to put Finn on edge. He swallowed and avoided Penn’s eyes, mentally backing away.

“Uh, yeah. Sort of.”

He couldn’t let any of them know he used to be a stormtrooper. To say that it would put a damper on things was a massive understatement.

Finn felt it ten minutes later. A flare in something. Some emotion, some energy. Something strong. He slowed down, then stopped. Penn stopped too, turning to frown at him.

“What?”

“I just- nothing. It’s fine. I thought I heard something.”

The lie was close enough to the truth.

Less heard, more _felt_.

It didn’t happen again even though he stretched out his senses, searching for the source of the bright energy.

It was the Force. He knew it. Someone here had the Force.

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando'a Translations:  
> Din, gar liniba duumir aka. - Din, you need to allow a mission.  
> Ni dinu val tali. - I'll give them blood.
> 
> **  
> THE TRAILER FOR MANDALORIAN SEASON 2 GUYYYSSSSSS  
> i am loSING IT


	9. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙑𝙄

***

Poe was feeling rather weak at the knees.

But it was over now. Telling Din and Cara, it had eased some of the pressure that had been coiling around him for weeks.

He was now sitting outside the hall, fiddling with the hem of his white shirt as he waited for Finn. Lunch would be starting soon.

He had apologised to Din. He hadn’t three years ago, so it was due. He had to explain himself, explain the whole story to Avara’s father.

Din had just stood there in silence. Poe hadn’t even known if he had been listening until the man just nodded at the end and turned away without a word.

He would get her back. He would do anything. She had kept him safe, kept him alive. He owed it to her.

Poe tilted his head back, gazing up, studying the intricate structure of the dome. The sky beyond was grey with clouds, but bright.

His eyes slowly fluttered shut.

***

His shoulder was being nudged. Repeatedly. It was annoying. He just squirmed away slightly, and it stopped.

Then it started again, so he let his eyes open... to an unanticipated onslaught of shrieking. The sudden noise made his hand twitch to his holster. Which was empty.

_Empty_?

Children. He was surrounded by children. And they were laughing. Quite specifically at _him_.

He just sighed and held out his hand, looking mockingly grumpy as his blaster neatly plopped into his palm.

“Don’t you have better things to do than disturb a sleepy, old man,” he said, making his voice low and gravelly on purpose as he rubbed a knuckle into his eyes.

They started sniggering again.

“You’re not _that_ old!” came a boisterous call from the crowd around him.

“I turned a hundred and three years old, two months ago,” Poe replied, his expression completely serious as he found the boy who had called out.

The faces abruptly turned uncertain as they stared at him.

He snorted, breaking into a grin.

“You lunks, I’m thirty-two.”

“ _Hey_!”

“Don’t call us _lunks_!”

“No _fair_!”

“What’s a lunk?”

“A lunk is someone who is a bit _koo-koo_ ,” Poe replied to the innocent question.

He couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the indignant yells that resumed as he stood up and stretched.

And an image flickered into his mind.

A mop of blonde hair, blue eyes shining underneath.

“Hey,” he said suddenly, almost urgently. “Do any of you know Naura?”

The kids nodded eagerly.

“She’s in the older class,” said the same boy.

“How do _you_ know her?” came another question, quietly curious.

Poe smiled. “We’re old friends. If you see her, tell her that Poe would like to say hi.”

“Poe? Is that your name?”

“Yep.”

“That’s a silly name,” the boy bravely called up to him.

“ _Silly_?” Poe gasped, exaggerating of course. “I’m gonna _get_ _you_!” he declared in his gravelly old-man voice, proceeding to lumber forward at the boy.

The kids scattered, screeching.

Oh _, children,_ he found himself fondly thinking as he pretended to chase the screaming kids around.

It lasted a couple of minutes before he stopped and pretended to complain that his hip was hurting. He was just bending over slightly and rubbing at the bone, playing the part, when someone called to him, making him jerk upright and turn.

It was Finn and Penn with the two droids, both with amused looks on their faces. BB-8 squealed as the horde of kids darted over to him.

“Oh, hey guys.”

Finn was grinning at him and the kids that were now focused on BB-8. Unlike Beebs, Artoo had backed away very slightly at the sight of the children.

Penn, on the other hand, had a sort of sheepish, apologetic expression as they looked at each other.

Poe got it. The guy was sorry about what he had said earlier. He didn’t need to hear it. Poe was in a better mood now, and anyway, it wasn’t like he disagreed with what Penn had said.

He just nodded a greeting.

“Is it lunch now? I’m kinda hungry.”

“Yeah should be. I need to go pack though. I'll see you later,” Penn replied, raising his hand in an awkward wave before turning away.

Finn hurried closer. “Hey, Poe. Listen, I felt something,” he murmured urgently.

“Felt something?”

“Yeah. Someone here has the Force,” he hissed, voice low.

Poe smiled slightly.

He knew who it was.

Finn blinked and straightened up. “You already know?”

“Yeah. It’s Avara’s brother. He might be at lunch, I’ll introduce you.”

“Huh.” Finn looked away with a frown. “He’s strong,” he added suddenly, turning back to pierce Poe with an intense gaze.

“I know.”

Poe was barely able to keep a grin off his face as Finn watched him suspiciously.

Oh, it was going to be so funny when Finn realises it’s a baby.

The dining hall still looked the same. High ceiling, large windows, long tables. Lanterns and chandeliers adorned the room. 

The last time he’d been here, a beat had been thrumming in his chest.

They hadn’t had breakfast, so they were ravenous during lunch. The food, as he had suspected, was still as spicy as he remembered. So he kept a sneaky eye on Finn as he took his first few mouthfuls.

Seconds later Finn’s eyes were watery as he desperately scanned the room for any liquid. Poe took his own sweet time to laugh at the mild panic on Finn’s face.

“You couldn’t have warned me?” he grumbled after chugging a mug of ale that a man had kindly set in front of him.

“Three years ago, they all laughed at me,” Poe replied, smug. “I figured it was _my_ turn to laugh today.”

Finn just scowled, returning to gingerly picking at his bowl of stew.

“So how did it go? Your private talk with Din,” he added after Poe looked at him questioningly.

“Oh. It was ok,” he said, matter-of-factly, shrugging a shoulder. “He didn’t really say anything.”

Finn nodded. Poe could see his dark brown eyes focused carefully on him out of the corner of his eye.

“And you’re ok?”

“Yeah. I do feel a bit better,” he mumbled as he stared at his food.

Finn leaned his shoulder into Poe’s, and they smiled softly at each other.

That was when he caught a glimpse of bright orange heading towards them, walking along the table. He stretched his head up to get a better look.

And a massive smile spread over his face.

“Rusan! Long time no see, huh?”

He stood up to hug the man as he laughed.

“How are you?”

“I’m well,” he replied, squeezing a sliver of shoulder that wasn’t covered in metal. “You?”

“Pretty good. Who is this?” he asked, sneakily glancing at Finn sitting behind Poe.

It might have been Poe's imagination, but he was pretty sure that Rusan looked Finn up and down for a long second.

“This is Finn,” Poe introduced as Finn stood up to shake Rusan’s hand. “Rusan and I met on Corellia,” he added quickly to Finn. “He’s one of the Mandos we brought here during our mission. Hey, is Riko here?”

“Nah, Riko is off-planet right now. Pity, he would’ve liked to see you. Naura is here though,” Rusan said with a smile. “She’ll find you later, I’m sure.”

“She better be quick, we’re leaving tonight.”

“Oh. So soon?”

Poe nodded. “Yeah.”

“How come?”

“We’ve got a mission. Penn is coming with us,” he muttered, glancing back at Finn.

“A mission?” Rusan’s eyes glinted excitedly. “What mission?”

Poe hesitated. “It’s about Avara,” he just said quietly.

Rusan went serious. “I won’t ask then,” he said gently. “But if you need extra firepower, call us.”

“Thank you.”

“Well, I guess I’ll see you two around. Good luck, Poe.”

He squeezed Poe’s arm as he slipped away with a friendly nod to Finn.

“You know quite a few people here,” Finn murmured as they sat down. “I didn’t realise.”

“Yeah. I guess most people would know me as Avara’s old partner. She’s well known here. Her father is the leader after all.”

“Wait, what? Din is the _leader_ of these people? You didn’t think to mention that earlier?” Finn growled.

Poe chuckled. “He’s called _Mand’alor_. That’s his title. Leader of the Mandalorians.”

Finn frowned thoughtfully at his half-empty bowl.

“So is Avara like the... the princess or something?”

Poe laughed, head tilting back. Oh, _Maker_.

“I recommend you don’t use that title with her.”

Finn smiled slightly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

***

Something heavy landed on his back and latched on, gripping his shoulders as he staggered off balance. Finn who had been walking next to him had jumped as Poe almost collapsed onto his knees with the weight. Then Finn had laughed and Poe realised that it was just a pair of small arms that were wrapped around him.

“Naura!” he yelled and he whirled around, trying to see her.

She giggled as she dropped off of him and landed neatly on the ground.

“Hi Poe,” she said, grinning widely from under sandy brown hair.

“You’ve grown! How old are you now? Ten? Eleven?”

She really had grown. She was so much taller.

“I’m nearly eleven,” she answered shyly, shuffling her feet on the ground.

“Wow. So are you going to get your armour soon? Two years?”

“Uhuh,” she nodded, eyes gleaming. “Also, guess what?”

“What?”

“Penn is teaching me to fly.”

“Oh cool! When will you get your own jetpack?”

She rolled her eyes and Finn sniggered lightly.

“Not jetpack, he’s teaching me to fly the Fangs.”

“You’re learning to fly the Fangs? You’re gonna be a pilot like me!” he gasped, glancing at Finn, thrilled. “Oh sorry. Naura, this is Finn.”

Poe smirked as he realised that Finn seemed as shy as Naura as he smiled down at the girl.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Finn said softly.

“You too. Poe, are you staying for long? You could teach me some flying too, maybe?” she asked hopefully staring up at him with pleading eyes.

“As much as I’d love to fly a Fang, I can’t this time around. I’m leaving tonight,” he said apologetically.

Naura visibly deflated. “Ok. Next time?”

“Next time,” he promised.

She lit up and did this adorable little hop as someone yelled her name. She rushed forward, wrapped her arms around Poe’s torso for a second and darted off before he could respond, disappearing as fast as she’d come.

He chuckled, glancing at Finn who was still smiling.

“She’s sweet,” Finn said. “And I never realised you were good with kids.”

“Well,” Poe mumbled, blushing slightly, “I’ve always loved children. They’re cool, y’know? In their own way.”

Finn grinned. “Sure.”

“ _Jaro’ika_!”

It took Poe a second to realise he knew that word. Someone was calling _him_.

He turned, looking around confusedly.

It was Paz, obviously.

“What, you’ve already forgotten your nickname?”

Poe scoffed. “You only ever used it like _once_.”

“Twice, actually,” the older man replied with an audible smile in his voice. “Come, I’ll take you two to get some supplies.”

“Supplies?”

“Yes.”

Paz didn’t elaborate, he just turned and began walking. The sunlight gleamed of his blue armour.

Poe and Finn shared a curious look before following.

***

The second they entered the tunnel, Poe knew where they were going.

He leaned over to whisper into Finn’s ear.

“He’s taking us to the forge. To their Armourer.”

Even in the darkness, he could see Finn’s eyes widen.

“Armourer? _We’re_ not getting armour are we?”

“No, their armour is almost sacred to them. My guess is we’re getting weapons or something.”

“Yes, I figured you could use some charges and other gimmicks,” Paz said from in front of them, clearly having heard their whispers.

Finn and Poe exchanged flustered looks.

“Sir,” began Finn, “you don’t have to. We do have supplies provided by the Republic.”

“Call me Paz, please. Everyone here loves Avara. She was like a second daughter. _Is_ ,” he corrected, turning around to glance at them. The illuminated torch fixed on his helmet made them squint.

Poe nodded. “I know,” he said quietly.

“We want to help. Problem is, I am not the fighter I used to be. Neither is Din, or Cara. And the rest of the warriors that are Penn’s age are all teachers for the children.”

“The children are the most important part of Mandalore,” Poe added. “You can’t risk losing their teachers. I understand.”

“Thirteen of them came to us, asking to join your mission.”

“And we would’ve loved to have them, but our mission plan is more subtle than what you Mandos usually like to do.”

Paz chuckled. “Keep an eye on my son then.”

“We’ll do that.”

The roar of the forge was growing louder and louder.

And when they stepped through the small doorway, Poe heard Finn gasp.

“What in the _Maker_...”

Poe grinned at him. “I know.”

As he remembered, the room was still as big as before. There just seemed to be more light this time, it looked less gloomy. The columns that circled the room were now fixed with the same yellow lanterns as the tunnels they had just exited.

The last time he had been here was with Avara.

In the center was the forge, still burning with it’s hissing blue flames.

But apart from the three of them, the room was empty. No Armourer in sight.

Poe could still remember the imposing figure with the gold armour.

Paz unholstered his blaster and aimed it at a large metal plate that was suspended from the ceiling. And fired.

A yellow bolt hit the metal in a burst of sparks, but more importantly with a loud clang that echoed through the cavernous room.

Seconds later, what looked like a shadow walked into the room from the far door. A moment later, Poe realised it was a Mando wearing black armour.

“Who is it?”

“Vizsla!” Paz yelled back.

There was a pause.

“The idiot or the old one?”

A disbelieving snort sounded from Paz’s helmet and Poe scoffed, exchanging an amused look with Finn.

“I’m not old!”

The black armoured Mando came closer, removing her helmet. “At least you’re not the idiot.”

“Wait,” Poe said, stepping forward as he recognised her. “You’re the armourer from Corellia. Inan, right?”

The young armourer studied Poe for a second before smiling. “And you’re the pilot who brought us here. Welcome back.”

“Thanks.”

“So, what’s up, old Vizsla?”

“No, wait, what did my son do to make you call him an idiot?”

“Oh, uh, nothing. Don’t worry about it,” she said quickly. “What did you need?”

“Supplies. For these two,” Paz said, gesturing to Poe and Finn as he sat down on a nearby bench. “Anything you can spare.”

Inan nodded and bustled off.

“She’s hiding something,” Paz muttered without prompting. He was staring at the doorway she had disappeared through.

“What do you think she’s hiding?” Finn asked curiously.

“Oh, I’ll see soon enough,” the man sighed. “Penn never tells me anything,” he complained.

“Ok, we have blasters, staffs, charges, vibro-knives, paralysing darts. What were you thinking?” Inan called as she appeared, dragging a crate.

“I was thinking charges... mostly. We don’t really need anything else,” Poe said awkwardly.

She blinked at him, pausing. “Not even blasters? But we have so many spares.”

“So do we,” Finn said quickly. “We really don’t need any more.”

He wasn’t wrong. Their armoury on Ajan Kloss was still pretty much packed with rifles.

“At least take a few knives.”

“Inan, you know how _auretiise_ are. They don’t use as much as us.”

She looked uncertain but shrugged at them. “Suit yourself. But _I_ think there’s rarely a situation where an extra knife won’t help.”

Poe had to bite his lip to stop a chuckle.

“Here, help yourself,” she said as she flipped the crate lid off.

“So what do you guys need this stuff for?” she asked a minute later, as they were shifting through the contents of the crate.

It was full of weapons, some of which Poe couldn’t even recognise. Every now and then Finn would make some sort of awed noise as he picked some weapon or object up, but he’d always put it back down.

Poe hauled out a heavy but small box that was neatly labelled with ‘charges’.

“They’ve got a mission,” Paz said before either of them could reply. “Penn is going too,” he added after a moment.

Poe glanced between Paz and Inan. The man clearly had his gaze fixed on Inan’s face, judging her reaction.

“Oh,” she said slowly, avoiding his visor to inspect her gloves. “What’s the mission for?”

Poe carefully plucked charges out for him and Finn.

“They’re rescuing Avara.”

Even Finn was watching the pair of Mandos now.

“Djarin?” Inan’s eyes widened and flicked to Poe and back to Paz as he nodded. “How long is the mission going to be?”

“We don’t know,” Paz replied breezily. “Could be short or long. Depends. You could ask Penn.”

She pursed her lips. “Why would I ask Penn?”

“You tell me.”

They glared at each other for a long, silent moment.

Poe cleared his throat. “So, um, we found the charges,” he said, delicately raising the box in the air.

The two Mandalorians turned to look at him and he found himself wishing he hadn’t interrupted. Evidently, Finn felt the same going by the way he squirmed next to Poe.

After three tense minutes, they were once again trailing after Paz in the maze of tunnels.

***

The rest of the day passed very quickly.

Cara had come by offering to walk them to an early dinner. Finn had gone with her, but Poe wasn’t hungry.

So he found himself walking in the opposite direction of the dining hall. Down one of the central streets he knew would lead to the edge of the dome. Towards the west entrance to the city.

And he sat down in the sand, wrapping his jacket more firmly around him as he watched Mandalore’s sun sink below the horizon.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando'a Translation:  
> auretiise - foreigners (also; outsiders, traitors)
> 
> That was a longer chapter, though I'm sorry, it was more of a filler. But the next chapter is half-way done, so that should be up soon :)


	10. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐈𝐕

◈◈◈

It was dark as they clambered into their X-wings. They would have left earlier if they hadn’t had to track down BB-8, who’d run off with the children.

Finn was still frustrated that he hadn’t met Avara’s brother. But there would be time for that later someday. Probably.

Din, Cara, and Paz were there, along with a few others Finn didn’t quite know. The Mandalorian in the orange armour from lunch was there.

Penn was already circling above, in his ship. Finn had never seen starfighter like a Fang before. It’s wings gracefully swivelled around the main body, making it almost hypnotising to watch. According to Poe, Fangs were pretty much unique to the Mandalorians.

Finn waited in his cockpit, pretending to do something on the dashboard as he kept a sharp eye on Poe who was saying goodbye.

Din was hovering towards the back for some reason.

BB-8 chirped from behind Finn.

“No Beebs, he’s not annoyed. Just don’t wander off again, ok?”

The droid hummed reproachfully.

“Beebs, transmit the coordinates for Er’Kit and Ajan Kloss to Penn.”

There was a quick beep from BB-8 as he did as Finn asked.

Poe was now climbing up the ladder to his X-wing. He had a package tucked under his arm, that was new.

“Ready to go, Finn?” Poe's voice crackled through the comm.

“Yep, let’s go.”

Finn flicked the final switches around him before tugging his throttle up, lifting off the sand, followed closely by Poe.

He knew he was getting better at flying. It had never been a strong suit of his, but he knew the basics and that was enough for him.

Poe shot past his viewport, racing up to join Penn in the upper levels of the atmosphere as Finn slowly followed.

He rolled his eyes as the two spun and ducked around each other for a few minutes, both clearly trying to show off before engaging their hyperdrives.

Again, on the way back, they stopped on Er’Kit to stretch their legs and eat. The package Poe had had under his arm had contained this Mandalorian sweet cake. The three of them ate in silence, the only noise being Penn at the end, as he pulled his blaster to shoot a rock that lay several meters away.

Finn and Poe watched as he hit the stone every time, pushing it further and further away with the force of the yellow bolts.

Poe then took his chance to slip into the cockpit of Penn’s Fang while the Mandalorian wasn’t paying attention. He just said he wanted to have a look.

But then the engine started, very audibly, and Penn whirled around and yelped as he realised what Poe was trying to do.

This was followed by several minutes of ridiculous squabbling while Finn repeatedly rubbed his forehead as he sat on the nose of his X-wing.

The remaining four hours of the flight consisted of snoozing and more storytelling from R2. Penn didn’t understand the binary that either of the droids spoke, so Finn patiently translated R2’s tale.

This time, probably due to their guest, R2’s story was about when he helped his Jedi masters protect a Mandalorian duchess as they travelled to Coruscant. Supposedly.

They really had no way of fact-checking these stories thanks to the Empire erasing all records of the Old Republic.

So Finn, Poe and BB-8 were all scoffing as the older droid finished. Until Penn spoke through their linked comms.

“This was Duchess Satine Kryze, right?” he asked.

R2 whirred smugly.

“If I'm remembering correctly, it was my grandfather who orchestrated that attack on the Duchess,” Penn continued.

There was a shocked pause.

“Wait, _what_?”

Poe’s stunned response floated through Finn’s speaker at the same time Beebs whistled the exact same thing.

Finn laughed.

“Yeah. My grandfather didn’t exactly get along with the Jedi,” Penn added. “He was the leader of a cell called Death Watch. And they didn’t like the Duchess.”

“How do you know all of this?” Finn asked in Poe’s silence.

“We learned a lot of Mandalorian history growing up. And my family was always in the middle of some conflict or the other.”

“That’s kinda cool,” came a grudging mutter from Poe, much to Finn’s amusement.

“What about your families?”

Something grew heavy in Finn’s stomach. He kept silent, watching the swirling blue lights of hyperspace as Poe answered instead.

“Nothing too special. My parents were part of the rebellion. Dad was a Pathfinder, Mom was an A-wing pilot.”

It made Finn smile slightly. Poe _never_ managed to keep the pride out of his voice when he spoke of his parents.

“What about you, Finn?”

“I didn’t really grow up with a family,” he said after a second.

“Oh. Sorry, didn’t mean to pry.”

“That’s all right.”

But Penn fell silent, clearly having picked up on the discomfort in Finn’s answer.

Finn was just glad Penn didn't ask more.

◈◈◈

Two hours later, they set down in the cramped landing clearing of their base. The large green leaves of the tress and shrubs were shining with droplets of water. 

Finn vaulted out of his cockpit, landing on the soft dirt as Rose jumped into him.

“You’re back so soon,” she said gleefully before pulling away to dart to Poe.

There was a thwack sound followed by a cry from Poe as Finn sniggered. 

“Ow! What?”

“I told you to send a message when you got there! Did you? No, you _didn’t_.”

“ _Ok_ , kriffin’ hell, Rose. I just forgot. Should’ve asked Finn to do it instead. He’s the responsible one.”

“Hey, that was quick!” came a shout from the direction of the cave. Jannah and Kaydel were making their way closer.

“And you brought someone,” Rose added, as Penn jumped off the side of his Fang.

“Hi,” he said, removing his helmet just as Kaydel and Jannah came into earshot. “I’m Penn. I’ve come to help with the mission.”

As they all introduced themselves, Finn watched Poe sneak over to his side.

“Wanna wager? Do we think Jannah will end up with a crush on our blue Mando?”

Finn giggled. “You and your bets. I don’t think she will.”

Poe hummed, eyes gleaming. “Fifty credits?”

“Deal.”

Poe grinned slightly as they shared a mischievous look.

◈◈◈

Unsurprisingly, Penn jumped straight into mission planning. After a long sleep of course. He hadn’t been able to sleep during their flight as he had no astromech droid.

“So your plan is to dress up as First Order personnel and just break in?” Penn shook his head disbelievingly as he walked the length of the room. “They’re gonna see straight through it.”

“They’re dumber and probably more desperate than you think,” Finn muttered as he grabbed some bread from the center of the table they were sitting around.

“Whether they are or not, your plan is dumb. I mean, the _Fellfire_ has been hiding for a year now. They’re not just going to let people board.”

“You’re right, but we don’t have time to do anything else,” countered Finn. “The _Fellfire_ could move any time.”

“That’s true I guess.”

“All we need is an entrance. A way to get in, and out.”

Penn nodded, glancing at Poe.

“And we have that,” Jannah said.

Penn nodded slowly, looking curious. “How?”

“Come sit,” Jannah said, waving at the empty chair. “We'll show you.”

Penn sat and leaned in as they began explaining.

◈◈◈

The next day they tried the First Order uniforms on. Finn and Jannah in the captains’ uniforms and Kaydel and Poe in the stormtrooper armour.

Finn watched as Poe couldn’t stop squirming. Penn just watched them with half-raised eyebrows.

The Mandalorian seemed to have relaxed on Ajan Kloss after two days. He was lounging on the armchair as the others grumbled through their uniforms.

“Satisfied?” he sarcastically asked Poe who seemed to be the most annoyed.

Poe glared at Penn, and Finn exchanged a tired sigh with Rose. Those two would never stop bickering, would they?

“I’ll never be satisfied-” Poe trailed off as he focused on adjusting his belt. “This uniform is _horrible_.” He looked at Finn, something like admiration on his face. “I can’t believe you-” he broke off again as Finn gave him a warning look. Penn still didn’t know.

“Can’t believe what?” Penn asked, sharp grey eyes glancing between them.

“Uh-”

“Can’t believe that Finn’s uniform fits him so well,” Jannah interjected smoothly.

In the background, Finn saw Kaydel and Rose glance at each other.

Luckily, it was true. Finn looked down at the dark grey uniform he was in. It fit perfectly.

He hated it.

“I can help alter the other uniforms for you guys,” Penn offered. “I’m used to helping the younger ones on Mandalore fit their armour.”

“That would be helpful,” Kaydel responded gratefully.

Penn, true to his word, had the uniforms altered by the time two days had passed. He clearly knew how to manage the white plastoid armour.

So the next fitting was a success.

Jannah couldn’t stop grinning at seeing Kaydel in stormtrooper armour though.

“You’re about the shortest stormtrooper I’ve seen,” she teased.

“You’re welcome to swap with me,” Kaydel growled back as the others laughed.

Then they all fell silent as they stood around, looking at each other in their new uniforms.

“We’re ready?” Penn asked as he slowly got up from his chair.

Finn swallowed and nodded, glancing at Poe.

Poe’s brows were furrowed as he gazed back at Penn. His eyes were clear. Ready.

“And we all know the plan?” Finn asked, looking at each of them.

Rose, Jannah, Poe, Kaydel, Penn. Even BB-8 was focusing on him. They were all ready.

“Penn, the word for ‘ready’ in Mando’a, what is it?”

The Mandalorian frowned at the question from Poe, but obliged. “ _Tsikala_.”

Poe smiled.

“Right. _Tsikala_.”

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a crazy week, which is why I was slow with the update.  
> I graduated!! It's kinda crazy to think about it. There were parties and beach trips and I'm exhausted but in a good way lol. Now I can get back to sitting on my computer and writing.
> 
> We're starting to get to the more exciting parts of this fic :)) be ready.  
> Love, Iye


	11. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙑𝙄𝙄

***

He felt like a bundle of spasming nerves. He could hardly believe it.

They were loading things into the freighter. The _Allanar N3_ freighter they were using to fly to the _Fellfire_. They were leaving _that_ night.

It didn’t feel real.

It seemed his restlessness was putting everyone else on edge. But he couldn’t stay away. So he sat on a food crate in the cargo hold of their freighter, jiggling his dangling legs as he watched them.

“Poe,” Finn sighed as he walked back into the room, “I thought I told you to take a walk. You’re no help here right now. You’re just watching us like a... a desperate hawk.”

“I just have to be here,” Poe grumbled as he heard Penn scoff at Finn’s description. “Give me something to do,” he begged.

BB-8 rumbled into the room with a suggestive chirp.

“No," Poe grunted dismissively. "I’ve looked over the engine banks twice already. No repairs needed.”

“How about you check on Dee-Oh and Artoo? They’ll be all alone when we leave.”

Poe hefted a heavy sigh. He jumped down from his perch and stalked down the ship’s ramp.

The two droids were in the reactor room of the _Tantive_. Apparently, they had taken _his_ safe haven as their own too.

He smiled as they turned to watch him walk closer.

“Hey guys. Finn sent me to babysit you, but I think he’s hoping you’ll babysit me instead,” he sighed as he sat down in his usual spot next to the warm reactor core.

“ _You will be leaving on your mission s- soon_.”

“That’s right. Will you two be ok here by yourselves?”

Artoo beeped, bumping his leg uncharacteristically gently.

“ _I am used- used to being alone_ ,” D-O said with his heavily modulated voice. “ _But this time I have R2-D2_.”

“Yeah, maybe Artoo can tell you some stories,” Poe suggested, picking up a discarded screwdriver to fiddle with. “Plus, we’ll be back soon. We’re not going to abandon you,” he said, looking at the tiny droid who scooted closer.

“ _BB-8 says you are nervous and s- sad. Why?_ ”

Poe raised his eyebrows. “Beebs better not be gossiping about me.”

Artoo whirred noisily and Poe grinned at the old droid.

“I know, I know.”

“ _Why are you sad?_ ”

Poe swallowed. “You really wanna know, huh?”

Both the droids remained silent, clearly waiting for his answer.

“This mission is to rescue my old partner, as I’m sure you already know. I thought she was dead. But she wasn’t.”

“ _She is alive, so you should be happy. Not sad._ ”

“No,” Poe said softly. “I’m sad because I should have known she wasn’t dead. And I'm sad because I know they hurt her too.”

Artoo hummed comfortingly as Poe clenched his jaw.

“ _You will get her back._ ”

The surety in D-O’s voice made Poe close his eyes and smile slightly.

“I hope so. I really hope so.”

***

Poe couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t sleep. He didn’t feel like eating. He couldn’t sit still enough for a game of Sabacc or Dejarik. All he could think about was finding her. Seeing her. What would he do?

He ended up in the cockpit of their small freighter, watching the random buttons and switches on the dashboard flicker at him in the swirling blue light of hyperspace. The journey was too long.

He felt sort of... numb. Like it still somehow hadn’t hit him yet.

And then he felt guilty. He’d known Avara for what, like a few weeks? He scoffed to himself. Penn had known her for years. _Years_. Poe had no right to be this unstable.

He stood up stiffly, stretching his legs. He needed to find Penn.

The Mandalorian was in of the small storage rooms. Poe had never seen him without armour before. He looked... smaller. Standing there with a weight on his shoulders even though his armour was off.

They stared at each other for a second before Poe looked down to fiddle with the hem of his shirt.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, um, I was just getting this space ready.”

There was a thin mattress on the floor. Penn must’ve pulled it off of a bunk. And the shelves were empty. Poe was pretty sure there had been tools there just hours ago.

“For what?” he asked, just as he realised. “Oh. For her.”

“If she really doesn’t remember- if she thinks she’s First Order, she’ll be our prisoner.”

Penn clenched his jaw and looked away, staring at a blank wall.

“Are you ok?”

It was almost a whisper.

And Penn wavered. For a second Poe thought he was actually going be honest. The way Penn's breath stuttered, and how his eyebrows shifted up.

But instead, he shut his eyes, took a breath, and spoke.

“Yeah. I’m ok.”

So Poe just nodded. He couldn’t really say much more on that topic, could he?

“Do we need anything else in here?” he asked, gesturing to the small room. The room that was going to be a cell.

Penn shook his head. “We can bring her meals and water. This room is close to the ‘fresher so it’ll be easier to manage.” He looked up at Poe then, eyes stormy. “It’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.”

It’ll be fine.

***

Three hours later, it was still the same. He still couldn’t sleep or eat. It was still hard to sit still or concentrate. Penn had holed himself up in his cabin. They hadn’t seen him for a while. Rose, Kaydel and Jannah were sprawled in the gallery.

Poe just trailed after Finn in silence. And eventually, Finn made it to bed. So Poe followed him under a blanket and listened to Finn’s breathing. It didn’t deepen like it usually would.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“It’s kind of hard to sleep with a ball of anxiety next to me.”

“Sorry.”

Poe felt Finn roll to face him at that. Warmth cupped his cheek.

“Stop apologising, Poe.”

He had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying it again.

“Can you- can you calm me?”

Finn’s pause made his hesitation evident.

“Poe, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He found Finn’s hand. “Please.”

The warmth on his cheek moved to the side of his head. And a forehead touched his own.

Something pleasant and gentle ran up Poe’s spine, releasing the tension.

The last thing he thought of, were the times he had crouched in the dirt with his parents as they tinkered with an old A-wing in a musty barn.

***

He was pulling the ship out of hyperspace, behind Bracca’s one moon, hidden from the planet itself.

This is where their mission would begin.

“Ok!” he yelled, hearing the others, making their way up to the cockpit. “We’re here!”

He got up and sat in the co-pilot’s chair as Finn took his seat. The others crowded around.

Kaydel, like him, was dressed in her stormtrooper armour, minus the helmet. Someone squeezed his shoulder as Finn leaned in and readied the comm.

They all held their breath.

“Hailing the _SFO Fellfire_. I repeat, hailing the _SFO Fellfire_.”

Finn paused and glanced back at Jannah who nodded encouragingly.

“ _SFO Fellfire_ , can you read me?”

Silence.

He tried again.

“I am Captain Janeson of the First Order. Transmitting my identification to you now.”

Finn nodded at Poe who quickly transmitted the forged identity file on the same frequency.

A second later there was a chime from the dashboard.

“It was received,” Finn hissed in a low voice.

They waited in tense silence. Poe started picking at the skin on the side of his fingernails.

Penn began tapping out a restless beat on the back of Finn’s chair and Rose and Kaydel started whispering amongst themselves.

“Are they going to reply or not?”

Penn’s sudden growl made them all twitch.

And just as Poe was opening his mouth to respond, the dashboard chimed again. He stiffened as a monotone voice spoke.

“ _How did you find this ship?_ ”

“We received these co-ordinates weeks ago. We thought it must have been another trap set to lure in more of those loyal to the First Order.”

There was a pause.

“ _Another trap?_ ”

“Months ago, we were almost captured by Republic and Resistance forces that were using a First Order distress call,” Finn continued from their prepared script. His eyes were narrowed with concentration. “But when we realised that this was not a trap, we set out to come here. We have been in hiding for more than a year.”

Another pause.

“ _Proceed to Hangar Two. Prepare to surrender your ship and yourselves to a thorough search._ ”

The cockpit exploded with hushed whispers and Finn had to hastily shush them before replying. Poe gripped the armrests of the chair as Rose shook his shoulder.

“Proceeding to Hangar Two.”

Finn flicked the comm off and turned to Poe with a grin as the contained whispers in the cockpit heightened to whoops.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooh I can't wait for you guys to read the next chapter I'm so excitedddd


	12. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙑𝙄𝙄𝙄

***

Avara. The second they found Avara, their mission would be easier.

The star destroyer had been orbiting Bracca in close proximity to an asteroid, masking its radio-disturbance. It was smart. But it had been found anyway.

The ramp hydraulics hissed, and Poe straightened his shoulders. The helmet he was wearing was ridiculously tight around his temples. There was a headache incoming, he knew.

Finn was standing directly in front of him, hands resting neatly behind his back. Jannah was next to him in the same uniform and stance, and Kaydel was behind her. Penn and Rose were skillfully hidden away in the ship.

Jannah turned as the ramp began lowering, and gave Poe a tiny, discrete nod.

Earlier, as Jannah and Finn had been coaching Poe and Kaydel on 'stormtrooper etiquette', as Poe liked to call it, they had mentioned how troopers never initiated contact with an officer. They only spoke when spoken to. There was a clear, enforced divide between the trooper and officer corps. It was pretty messed up.

The only comfort Poe had from now on was his standard-issue First Order rifle and pistol. He was neatly holding his rifle the way Jannah had shown him and Kaydel.

Jannah and Finn briskly started forward as their ramp touched the shiny black deck of the hangar. Poe and Kaydel stayed on their heels, walking in sync. Their boots clicked on the deck, almost echoing. The large hangar bay was almost silent except for the hum of machinery.

A small squad of troopers faced them. And in front, a commander. He gave Finn and Jannah a stiff nod.

“You are Captain Janeson I presume?” he said, voice as stiff as his face as he looked at Finn.

“Yes, sir.”

“And you are?” he asked, turning to Jannah.

“Captain Derlon, sir,” she replied.

Poe could hear the tension in the way Jannah and Finn were speaking.

“I am Commander Garn.” The man leaned sideways very slightly, to get a better view of Poe and Kaydel. “Troopers, identify yourselves.”

“FL-0702, sir,” Poe replied quickly.

“FN-1209, sir,” Kaydel followed, equally fast.

The Commander just grunted in acknowledgement.

“These two troopers have proved useful to us during the past year. They have served as our aides,” Jannah said conversationally.

There was another grunt, before the man cleared his throat to speak again. “Let me accompany you to the General. He wishes to see you. Meanwhile, your ship will be searched.”

“I expect no less. This would be General Polus, would it not?” Finn asked as they began walking.

The rest of the stormtroopers fell in behind Poe and Kaydel. He had to resist exchanging a glance with her.

He stared around the hangar, being as subtle as he could, once again in awe. He didn’t think he’d ever get over how majestically enormous star destroyers were.

Then his focus narrowed. Avara.

“General Polus died a year ago and was succeeded by General Malin.”

“Ah. The Order files we had managed to salvage are outdated.”

“Where have you been this whole year? You mentioned being in hiding?”

He sounded almost suspicious.

“Ord Mantell,” Jannah answered.

They had planned for this question.

“Yes. There are many in Ord Mantell City that remain loyal to the Order,” Finn continued.

Their conversation continued in its stiff, restrained fashion, but Poe began to tune it out as he blindly followed them. He watched every person they passed. Scanned every face.

He almost collided with Finn when they stopped moving, minutes later. He would’ve, if the trooper behind hadn’t grabbed his shoulder to stop him in time.

“Troopers, wait here,” Jannah ordered as they disappeared through a door that shut smoothly.

Poe turned around to look at the person who had stopped him. “Thanks.”

“That’s all right.” The trooper nodded at him. “Commander Garn isn’t one of the patient ones, so watch out. What are your names?”

“I’m FL-0702.”

“Yes, I heard that,” the trooper said in an easy-going voice. “I meant do you have another name?”

“ _I_ call him Slug,” Kaydel interrupted, making Poe purse his lips inside his helmet. “Because he’s kinda slow.”

This was met with a few amused scoffs from the troopers around them.

“And I’m Rudder,” she continued. “’Cause I have to steer him everywhere.”

“Oh alright!” Poe snapped as the troopers laughed again, louder this time.

Kaydel was frustratingly fast.

“I’m Skipper,” said the guy who had held Poe’s shoulder.

“Good to meet you, Skipper. Listen, do you know any-”

He would’ve finished the question with ‘Sergeant Jardon’ but the door beeped and they barely had a second to stand back at attention as Garn, Finn and Jannah came back out.

“I can see you to the officer quarters,” Garn said to Finn and Jannah, that slimy politeness still in his voice.

“Oh, that’s alright,” Jannah responded, almost echoing the false politeness. “I’m sure you must be busy, especially since we’re leaving this system now.”

“Hm. I expect I shall see you later. Are you sure you know your way?”

“Yes, definitely,” Finn replied as Garn once again gave them a curt nod.

“Trooper,” the commander said, barely glancing at Skipper, “see them to their quarters.”

And with that, the man turned and walked off, the rest of the stormtroopers following him.

They all stood there in silence for an awkward moment, Finn’s gaze darting over to Poe for a split second before he regained focus.

“Right,” he muttered. “Quarters are this way.”

Finn began to walk as Skipper extended an arm in the opposite direction of the way Garn had gone.

“Say, trooper,” Jannah started a minute later, clearly looking to Skipper. “Is there a Sergeant Jardon onboard this ship?”

“Yes sir.”

Poe’s heart almost burst right then and there.

“Where might I find her? She is an old acquaintance.”

Thank the Maker for Jannah.

“The Sergeant is usually done with third-meal at this time. So, she will be going to her quarters.”

Skipper’s tone was clipped and short, very different from the time Poe spoke with him barely a few minutes ago. Probably as he saw Finn and Jannah as his superiors.

Poe felt slightly light-headed. It was either the tight helmet or the fact that’d they could run into Avara at any moment now.

They turned a corner and stopped in front of a turbolift door. It opened a few second after Skipper pressed a button and they all filed in, easily filling the tiny space. The second the doors closed, Finn turned, looking directly at Poe.

And Poe lifted his gun and brought it down on the back of Skipper’s helmet as hard as he could.

Which apparently wasn’t hard enough. Skipper collapsed against the wall, instantly trying to reach for his dropped gun as the turbolift jolted downwards.

“Sorry, Skip,” Poe growled as he hit the guy again.

This time, Skipper remained quiet and still.

Poe scrabbled at his helmet, wrenching it off his head.

“Kriffin’ hell. That thing was squeezing my brain!”

“Poe! Put it back on,” Jannah hissed. “We’ll get in trouble if you’re seen with it off!”

“No, it doesn’t really matter anymore,” grumbled Finn. “This trooper is unconscious, it won’t be long ‘til someone finds him and raises the alarm. We’re already in the Officer Quarters, all we have to do is find her.”

Jannah pursed her lips. “Fine. You know the plan. Comm if you find her before we do.”

Both Poe and Finn nodded as the doors opened. Jannah and Kaydel quickly darted out, Kaydel shooting them a mock salute as the doors closed.

“Poe, you ok?”

Finn was watching him, concerned.

“Never better.”

Finn gave him a tiny, nervous smile. He was tapping his foot restlessly.

“Blasters on stun?”

“Yes, we don’t want to risk shooting our sergeant.”

“That’s true,” Poe muttered as he shifted the settings on his rifle. He felt Finn take the pistol off of his hip. “Hey, you don’t have your own gun?”

“No,” Finn said defensively. “You have two.”

Poe rolled his eyes.

The turbolift beeped again and the doors opened to an empty hallway lined with doors. Finn fired at a panel in the lift’s wall as Poe stepped out cautiously, gun ready.

“That should keep them from finding this trooper for a while.”

“Where now?” Poe whispered.

“Well, these are the captain quarters. Further down, it’ll turn into the lieutenant quarters, then the sergeants.”

“Sounds good,” Poe mumbled as they set off at a steady jog.

It was a long hall. Endless. They kept making turns. The longer it got, the more Poe felt his chest tighten. The names next to the doors were still lieutenants.

Anything from Jannah?” he asked restlessly.

“You're the one with the comm, Poe.”

Poe just released the nervous breath, puffing his cheeks out.

“You’re sure we’re heading in the right direction, right?”

“Yes, Poe,” Finn replied patiently. “Sergeants should be right around-”

They both scrambled to an abrupt stop as they rounded the corner and his gun faltered.

The air in Poe’s lunged halted as a gaze locked on him. A familiar gaze.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was too impatient so I posted this earlier than I would've otherwise. This story is heating up you guyssss
> 
> Also, one thing I love about Episode IV is seeing Luke and Han in their stormtrooper disguises. I just couldn't help myself, so enjoy imagining Poe in the same ;)
> 
> \- Iye


	13. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙄𝙓

***

It was just blood pulsing through his chest, pounding. He couldn’t stop the sharp inhale he instinctively made.

Maybe it was his harsh gasp that made her frown as she stared at him.

“Trooper? Why is your helmet...”

She trailed off, eyes flicking down.

And she moved. Fast. Arm pulling up, a pistol in her hand, raising it... not at him. At Finn.

It jerked Poe out of his stupor, and he shrieked, propelling himself sideways, blocking Finn from her, panic tearing at his insides because he knew he wasn’t fast enough, and now Finn would be hurt because of him-

Evidently, Finn was faster.

Before her blaster rose high enough, a bright blue ring seared past Poe, and flung her backwards.

Poe grabbed the wall, gasping, staring at her unconscious form.

“Hey, _hey_ , Poe!”

He tore his gaze away from her to look at Finn.

“We need to go, _now_. Comm Kaydel.”

“Right, right. Yeah,” he mumbled, fumbling at his belt for his comm.

Now was _not_ the time to lose focus.

He watched as Finn knelt down and carefully scooped her up.

“Kaydel, come in.”

His voice was shaky.

There was a muffled burst of static before she replied.

“ _Poe? You find her?_ ”

“Yes,” Poe said, trying to sound steadier. “Head back to the ship.”

Avara’s- would he even call her Avara? He couldn’t... right? She didn’t know that name. She had looked straight at him. No waver, no hesitation or recognition. She had only seen him as a stormtrooper who had had his helmet off.

Her head was lolling off of Finn’s arm as they began to jog. Poe couldn’t stop shooting glances at her.

As if she was going to open her eyes, look at him, smile at him, and call him Poe.

Because _she_ _knew_ _him_. And she didn’t even know it.

It felt like they got back to the turbolifts quicker than they’d come. A lift appeared and opened its doors quickly enough, and jolted upwards after they stepped in.

He was clenching his gun so hard it was quivering.

“Poe. Look at me.”

It was hard to look at Finn without looking at Avar- _her_. But he did.

Finn’s eyes were gentle. Understanding. Another reminder that Finn could most likely feel everything that was racing through Poe. For some reason, the realisation calmed him slightly.

“All we gotta do is get back to the ship. Ok? Just focus.”

Poe just turned back to the door as he nodded, unwilling to use his voice.

The lift chimed.

“This should be Jannah and Kaydel,” Finn muttered behind him.

The doors opened. It _was_ Jannah and Kaydel.

And some other random Lieutenant, who’s eyes widened as she took in a helmetless stormtrooper and Finn holding Avara.

Kaydel promptly lifted her rifle and thwacked it on the side of the officer’s skull, and then the two quickly stepped over the crumpled body to join the rest of them in the lift.

“Hey, Finn,” Jannah said, nudging past Poe who was still stubbornly focusing on the door in front of him. “Carry her on your shoulder, it’ll be easier.

Poe still didn’t turn around even as he heard them hoist Avara higher, most likely over one of Finn’s broad shoulders.

“I’ve got Finn’s six. Poe, you and Kaydel need to clear us a path forward. Finn and I will direct you.”

When Poe turned around to glance at Jannah, he met her piercing dark eyes.

He nodded again. “I got it.”

It passed by in a blur. They stepped out of the lift into empty hallways and began running. Everyone now and then Finn or Jannah would grunt a ‘left’ or ‘right’ or a ‘that way’ and Poe and Kaydel would follow blindly.

It must have been about a minute away from the hangar. Poe wasn’t too sure. The alarms started wailing.

But they didn’t see anyone running their way. In fact, six troopers ran straight past them, making Poe scoot back so they didn’t see him without a helmet.

He wished he had it on now.

No wonder Mandalorians got so used to wearing helmets. It was so easy to hide the face, to hide emotions.

“What the hell is going on?” Finn huffed as they saw yet another group of troopers sprint past, accompanied by the alarm.

“I don’t know,” Kaydel yelled back, “but it’s convenient for us!”

“Penn,” Poe said suddenly, out loud. “Penn’s done something. I’m sure of it.”

It could have been Poe’s imagination, but his revelation seemed to make them move even faster.

Paz _had_ warned him.

And sure enough, when they burst into Hangar Two, it was chaos. It seemed like an entire half of the hangar bay was on fire. The half that their ship _wasn’t_ in.

They just bolted straight for the freighter ramp, only to find a panicked Rose and BB-8 in the gallery.

“Poe, start the engines!” Finn screeched.

He didn’t need to be told. He was already running for the cockpit.

“Get Penn!” he shouted over his shoulder.

His hands flew over the large dashboard, pulling the engines online in less than a minute and quickly lifting the ship of the hangar floor.

“Go!”

He didn’t know who that yell was from, but it was enough to push him to accelerate out of the hangar at an alarming speed. Then he pulled the lever to send them into hyperspace and leaned back in his chair.

And didn’t move. He just stared at the blue and white that swirled in the viewport.

He could hear someone behind him, coming up the stairs to the cockpit.

“Poe?”

It was Kaydel. Not who he had been expecting.

“Poe, aren’t you going to come down?”

Silence.

She squeezed his shoulder, instinctively making his muscles go limp. “Come on, Poe. I’m with you.”

So he stood up and wearily followed her down. His hands were trembling, so he gripped the handrails down the steep stairs.

She had been laid on the floor in the gallery.

Finn was looking furious but he was silent. Penn was staring down at Avara as if she was some strange creature. Rose and Jannah were shifting uncomfortably.

They all looked up at him as he walked in. Even Penn. All of them, looking to him, asking what to do.

But he took a moment to look at her.

She still looked the same. Her hair was short, like the image on her file. Not yet long enough to curl.

And there was a new scar on her face, one he knew definitely hadn’t been there three years ago. It was faint, but clearly there. It extended from the tip of her eyebrow and ran straight down, ending right under her cheekbone. It was too straight to be anything but a knife wound.

And he couldn’t be sure, but it looked like her skin was slightly paler. Not enough sun on a star destroyer, was there?

But seeing her familiar face above a First Order uniform was jarring. It twisted something nervous inside Poe.

He stepped forward and bent down next to her, and gently lifted her head and shoulders, pulling her upwards to lean against his chest, before reaching under her knees. He grunted with the effort of standing up with her in his arms, and headed off to the storage cupboard that Penn had put a mattress in.

Only BB-8’s whir followed him away from the gallery.

He set her down on the thin mattress, but ended up tightening his arms around her, suddenly overcome by a need to not let her go. He tucked her closer into his chest, letting his forehead rest on the top of her head, and forced himself to keep his breaths steady and slow.

She was here. She was safe now.

BB-8’s soft hum made him look up.

“I don’t know. Soon, I guess.”

His gaze ended up falling on an object on the shelf in front of him. Cuffs.

He loosened his grip and let her carefully slump backwards onto the mattress before reaching for the cuffs as Beebs whistled lowly.

“I know buddy. But we don’t know what she’ll do when she wakes up,” he answered quietly.

The droid chirped at him as Poe locked the binders around her wrists.

“I guess you could,” Poe said. “Just don’t tell her anything. Comm me when she’s up, ok?”

BB-8 beeped as Poe hastily backed away, stepping out of the room that suddenly felt too crowded.

He quickly walked back to the cockpit, leaving Beebs in the room with her, ignoring the sounds of arguing coming from the gallery. It sounded like Finn and Penn, but Poe really couldn’t care less.

He just curled up on his pilot’s chair and leaned sideways, letting his temple rest against the cold wall next to him. He was too tense to sleep, but too tired to do anything other than just sit there.

No one interrupted him.

Less than an hour later, BB-8 commed.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is quite long (relative to my usual) and I've written quite a few chapters ahead, so I'll update sooner than usual too. Maybe tomorrow :)
> 
> It makes my heart sing to be able to write "Avara" and Poe together again. I missed her :')


	14. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓

***

Poe hated the thought of seeing her. Because he knew, that when he walked into that room where she was, she wouldn’t know him.

He got up really slowly. His legs had fallen asleep under his weight, so it took a minute for him to get moving. He walked past the gallery. Only Penn was there. It looked like the guy was sleeping, slumped over the table, face tucked into an arm. So Poe continued quietly after grabbing a flask from the table.

He hovered outside her room for a few uncertain seconds. Then forced himself to unlock and open it.

She looked up. She was sitting in the far corner of the room, away from the mattress. Her posture was relaxed, legs crossed under her, hands folded neatly in her lap.

But her eyes were dark with loathing.

It almost made him flinch. But he clenched his jaw and stepped fully into the room, glancing at down at BB-8 for a second. Then he looked back up at her.

“Do you know why you’re here?”

He was surprised his voice was so steady.

She just continued to glare at him.

“Are you hungry or thirsty?”

It was possible that something like surprise kindled in her eyes for a second as Poe asked. But she still didn’t move a muscle.

So he twisted the cap of the flask off and scooted forward to set it down next to her. Then he stepped back. And she still didn’t move.

He sighed, realising why. Stepping forward and picking the flask back up, he took a visible gulp of the water and once again thumped it back down at her side.

She took it then, with both hands, and his attention was brought sharply to her cuffed wrists. Guilt churned in his stomach and he looked away.

When she was done, he picked it up again.

“Do you know why you’re here?” he repeated.

This time, he knew he had sounded slightly strained.

BB-8 jerked his small head between them in the tense moment that followed Poe’s question.

Still no reply.

So he nodded, pursing his lips.

“Cool. Good talk. See you in a few hours,” he muttered as offhandedly as he could manage, as he and Beebs stepped out and locked the door.

The droid whistled unhappily, and Poe nodded again, leaning against the door for a moment.

“Yeah,” he muttered after taking a breath. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

***

Finn found him in the cockpit a few minutes later.

“Hey. You set course for somewhere other than Ajan Kloss, right?”

Poe nodded tiredly. “Yeah, you know it’s procedure. We’ll stop at Yavin Four first.”

Finn gave him a small smile and ran his fingers through Poe’s hair.

“Nice. There’s barely a chance they’ll follow us, and an even tinier chance they’ll follow us to Yavin.”

Poe nodded. “That’s the idea.”

“Hey, I was thinking we should name this ship.”

Finn had a strange look on his face. As if he already knew what they should call the ship.

Poe raised his eyebrows. “Name _this_ ship?”

“All important ships have names. The _Falcon_ , the _Tantive_.”

“Ok. What should we name it?”

Finn clearly had something in mind.

“The _Ember_.”

The smile that had been starting to creep onto Poe’s face faded. Finn was watching him carefully.

“How do you know?”

“Beebs was telling me a bit about your old mission. The Naboo part.”

“Oh.”

Poe didn’t know what else to say. But, the _Ember_? It seemed... right.

“It was just an idea,” Finn said quickly, beginning to backtrack, “we don’t-”

“No, I like it. We’ll call this ship the _Ember_ ,” Poe said suddenly.

He was continuing the mission he started three years ago after all. May as well do it on a ship called the _Ember_. Made sense.

It made him wonder where their old Ghtroc freighter went. Probably got destroyed by the Order on D’Qar.

Finn smiled and nodded. “You went and saw her, huh?”

“Gave her some water.”

“I can manage her if it stresses you out.”

“No,” Poe mumbled, lifting his head. “I need to look after her. My job.”

“Ok. You should get some sleep though,” Finn said softly. “You're exhausted.”

“I- yeah, I’ll just get her some food first.”

“She would’ve eaten about an hour ago. You can take her something in a few hours. Sleep first,” Finn said firmly.

Poe just deflated. “Ok.”

He didn’t expect it, but he fell asleep easily.

***

It was BB-8 that woke him. Five hours later, according to the droid.

And as Poe sat up, blinking blearily, he felt... _normal_. As in, there wasn’t a sucking, strained emotion pulling at his chest. He felt lighter. It was good.

Finn was on the bed next to him, fast asleep, so Poe left the room after quietly pulling his boots back on.

Penn was still in the gallery. This time, he was sitting on the floor, against a wall, with random tools and rags littered around him. He seemed to be adjusting that rifle. The one Avara had had on their mission three years ago, her father’s rifle.

He looked up and nodded at in greeting, seeing Poe stand at the doorway for a second.

Randomly, Poe sat down, right next to Penn.

“One of the first proper conversations I had with Avara was while she was cleaning this gun,” he said a few seconds later.

Penn smiled at that. “She was always cleaning it. She loved it. It’s Din’s actually. He gave it to me for this mission.”

“I thought so. So, I've been meaning to ask.”

Penn glanced up at Poe curiously. “Ask what?”

Poe grinned slightly. “What's the deal between you and Inan?”

Penn's ears turned red. “We're just friends.”

“Oh really?” Poe replied teasingly. “You sure about that? 'Cause your father thinks differently.”

“He always thinks the wrong thing though,” Penn huffed. “I mean when we were little, he thought Avara had a crush on _me_. For years. He's an idiot.”

Poe hesitated. “Wait, so is there really nothing going on between you and Inan?”

“We dated a while last year. Without my father realising, of course. But we really are just friends now.”

“Oh. Ok. Well, for your information, Jannah is single. _Anyway_ ,” Poe began, quickly changing the subject as Penn's cheeks pinkened, “the hangar on the _Fellfire_ , that was you then?” 

Now Poe had a slight headstart on that bet he made with Finn. And he was sure Finn had forgotten about it.

Perfect.

Penn smirked. “Your boyfriend wasn’t too happy about it.”

Poe huffed. “Well, it wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Hey, if I hadn’t set those fuel tanks on fire, you guys probably wouldn’t have made it back to the ship,” Penn shot back.

That made Poe chuckle. “I’m not saying it wasn’t a good diversion.”

“It _was_ pretty good, wasn’t it?”

Poe grinned.

“Oh, by the way,” the Mandalorian added, “you need to clean your blaster. It’s on the table,” he said, jerking his head towards it.

“Clean it?”

“Yeah, there’s D-lanite buildup along the barrel. I was checking everyone’s blasters.”

“Oh. Ok. _Weirdo_ ,” he added playfully, receiving a hard whack on his shoulder.

Poe hesitated for a minute before continuing. “I was actually just going to take her some food,” Poe said. “Do... do you want to talk with her or something?”

The fact that Poe didn't use her name was undeniably loud in the quiet room.

Penn didn’t look up from the gun. His hesitation was all Poe needed.

“That’s fine,” Poe said gently as he stood up. “I got it.”

“Hey, word of warning,” Penn said suddenly, making Poe turn, “but watch out. She’s probably already figured out a way to escape, or at the very least, cause trouble.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

It was obvious that she hadn’t been expecting him when he walked in. She straightened up quickly, from where she had been leaning against a wall. Still in the same corner of the room.

He raised his unoccupied hand to look as unthreatening as possible. Her eyes had the look of a cornered animal.

“It’s just food.”

Having learned from last time, he took a piece of the meat and vegetable and tossed them into his mouth before walking over.

He let his eyes flick up to hers as he leaned down to put the tray on the floor. She was staring at him, face still expressionless.

Those green specks. He’d forgotten.

He left the room without another word, chest feeling tight, and went back to the gallery to clean his blaster.

***

They emerged out of hyperspace about an hour later. Soon after, Poe headed back to the small storage room to collect the food tray that he hoped was empty.

BB-8 chirped at his heels as he moved to unlock the door.

“Ok, that’s good.”

The door slid open.

And a weight slammed into him, palms hitting him under his ribs as he slammed into the wall behind him.

BB-8 screeched as the wind was driven out of Poe with the impact, leaving him gasping. And before he could regain his senses, which was just a few seconds later, his small tool knife was pressing into the soft flesh of his neck.

He looked down as best he could and saw that she also had his blaster in her other hand, pointing at the empty corridor.

Shit.

Even with his reflexes, he was just too slow for her.

He froze, staring down at her. There was some satisfied glint in her eyes.

Their eye contact was broken by a familiar crackling noise and she cried out, jerking as BB-8 electrocuted her leg. Her movement pushed the knife further into his skin, making him tilt his head back.

“Beebs, stop, _stop_!”

The noise stopped as the droid wailed again.

There were heavy footsteps, and Penn burst around the corner closely followed by Finn and Jannah. They must’ve heard the Beebs. Their blasters were up, aiming right for her and panic flared in Poe.

“Hold your fire!” he yelled, lifting a hand to them. “Wait!”

Finn narrowed his eyes, adjusting his grip on his gun.

“Escape pod. Where is it?”

Her voice was quiet but it carried enough to be heard by the others. It was so familiar.

“ _Where_?” she growled, pressing the knife deeper.

He stiffened and leaned his head back even further.

“Drop the weapons or I’ll shoot,” Finn snarled, nudging past Penn to stand in front.

Penn glanced at Finn for a second. Kaydel and Rose appeared in the back looking pale.

“ _Don’t_ shoot,” Poe grunted, glaring sideways at Finn as best he could without moving his neck.

“You shoot and I’ll cut his throat as I go down,” Avara said sharply, as if Poe hadn’t spoken. “Where’s the pod?”

Finn.

Poe tried to reach out to him.

Finn, let her. Let her take me.

Come on, Finn. I know you can hear me. _Let_ her do it.

In Poe’s peripheral, Finn’s blaster faltered.

“Pod is back there,” Poe muttered, using his hand to point. “Engineering room.”

“Move,” she just said, pulling him to stand in front of her.

They started walked backwards, towards engineering, Finn and the others inching forward.

Poe gave Finn a small nod. The man looked furiously worried, but he knew there wasn’t anything her could do.

The door to engineering slid open and she continued tugging him. His own blaster was pressed firmly against the small of his back. There was beeping as she readied the pod and opened its door, and they stepped back into the pod. She dragged him, pushing him chest-first into the wall, and just as the pod’s door was sliding shut, she fired into the room, hitting something that exploded into sparks.

And the pod ejected, the ship spinning away in the viewport of the pod.

That had been smart. She’d taken out the _Ember’s_ ion drive. It wouldn’t be going anywhere ‘til it was fixed.

He turned around slowly, to see her fiddling with her cuffs. She looked up, once again pointing his gun at him.

“Get down.”

“What?”

She jerked her head at the floor, and he sat down and sighed heavily at himself. Great.

“Where are we? What planet is that?”

He stretched his head up to see the small green moon they were heading for and smiled.

“You’re out of your depth,” he said finally.

She scowled, blaster shifting closer to his head.

“What? You gonna shoot me?” he said, trying to be smug to hide the little trickle of fear that trailed down his spine. “You’re not getting off that planet without my help.”

“I don’t need your help. All I have to do is get a signal out and I’ll be picked up.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, no First Order craft is going to come to _this_ system.”

“Why not?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Firstly, that’s Yavin Four.”

Recognition sparked in her eyes but she didn’t back down.

“So?”

He stared at her, confused. “Have you not heard?”

“Heard what?” she growled through gritted teeth.

He frowned. “Exegol. Does Exegol ring a bell?”

Going by the way her expression didn’t change, she hadn’t heard.

“Kriff,” he muttered, awed. “You _actually_ don’t know.”

She was opening her mouth to reply when the pod shuddered violently. She swayed but kept her balance.

They were entering the atmosphere.

Poe moved to get up, but the muzzle of the blaster pressed into his shoulder, forcing him back down.

“I’m a pilot,” he snapped. “I can fly this thing so we _both_ don’t die.”

She pursed her lips but stepped back, letting him stand up.

The landing was rough as they scraped through tree branches and hit a clearing just big enough for the pod. He had managed to spot a gap in the trees and had neatly guided the pod through.

When the pod finally came to a grating stop, he wrenched the door open, still very aware of the gun pointed in his direction. But he had decided that the best course of action was to ignore it.

Yavin IV’s thick, humid air slammed into him. He grinned to himself, knowing that seeing him in good spirits would annoy her, and sucked in a large lungful of the hot air.

He was home. Not how he expected, but there were worse planets to be on.

He watched her as she looked around, but her face gave nothing away. Then she turned to him. Still with his blaster. She really wasn’t going to let go of it anytime soon.

“Give me the key to these,” she ordered, twisting her wrists to indicate her binders.

“I don’t have it,” he lied. “Up, on the ship.”

She studied him for a second. And he knew she saw right through it.

He silently cursed his inability to lie well enough.

“Sit down, against that tree.”

He rolled his eyes but plonked himself down, shifting around to get comfortable.

She then kneeled down on one knee, a good several meters away from him and placed the blaster on the ground. He received a sharp look then, clearly warning him off trying to take it, to which he rolled his eyes again. Then, she hooked the middle of her cuffs around her knee and began twisting her hands. Trying to pull free of the binders.

True, he hadn’t tightened them too much, but they weren’t loose enough for her wrists to slip through.

He stiffened as her face contorted, but she didn’t stop. He scrambled to his feet as he saw blood beginning to well up around the edges of the binders.

“Hey, _stop_ ,” he cried, starting forward. “Wait-”

She picked up the blaster faster than he could get to her, and aimed it at him again, freezing him in his tracks.

There was something hard in her eyes there, and Poe flinched, actually thinking that she was going to shoot him for a second.

“Whoa, wait,” Poe gasped, backing away, lifting his hands. “Wait. I’ve got the key here. Just- just don’t do that.”

He fished around in his pocket before tossing the small piece of metal to her. He watched, disturbed, as she fumbled with the key, and then shook her cuffs off with an unusual air of desperation.

Then she looked up at him as she carefully wiped her bloodied wrists on her dark jacket.

Poe forced himself to look away, to appear uninterested. But he was rigid with tension.

She hadn’t cared whether she hurt herself at all, she just wanted to get out of the binders. The binders that _he’d_ put on her.

He tried to focus on their surroundings, to distract himself.

As far as she knew, they were in the middle of nowhere. But, he knew how to get to whatever the closest village or town was.

There was a system in place, one that had been developed a long time ago, when settlers first came to the small moon. To stop people, and children especially, from getting lost in Yavin’s jungles, trees were marked in a certain pattern to lead locals back to a village or a settlement. And he had already spotted one such tree.

“Hey, put those on,” she called as the binders thudded onto the ground in front of him.

He looked down, then back up at her with a scoff. “Uh, _no_. Haven’t you already figured out that I’m hardly a threat to you?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Put them on,” she repeated stiffly.

“What are you gonna do? Shoot me?” he snapped. “Oh that’s right, you _already_ have my blaster and my knife.”

Her glower deepened and he instinctively flinched back again, glancing at the blaster before he could stop himself. But again, she didn’t fire.

“You might want to get rid of that jacket,” he said finally, turning away stiffly to walk in the direction of the marked tree. “It screams First Order, and trust me, that’s the last thing you want to scream on this moon.”

There was a long moment where the only sound were his own footsteps. Besides the monotone sound of insects of course.

“Where are you going?” she yelled, sounding distinctly further away.

But he knew she’d follow him. She couldn’t do anything else.

“Nearest settlement. That’s where we can find a ship to get off the planet.”

“We are not doing anything together,” she growled. But she sounded closer this time. Right behind him, in fact.

He smiled without turning around. “And yet you just jogged to catch up with me.”

Her silence was mutinous.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've seen a few other authors on here and tumblr say this:  
> but if you want to comment and don't know what to say, you don't need to say anything. Just leave an emoji and I'll get it! I see all my comments.  
> Apparently like 80% of readers want to comment, but don't know what to say so maybe this will help if that's the case for some of you! I know I definitely have some long term readers that haven't commented, and don't feel pressured to do it at all, but if you're one of those 80% maybe this will help :) ❤️️
> 
> love,  
> Iye
> 
> PS: I love hearing from people, so extra love to my regular commenter ;) I appreciate the hell out of you


	15. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐕

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a tiny chapter so I'm posting the next one right now.

◈◈◈

“Fire suppressant!” came a yell from Rose.

The room was filling up with smoke and Finn could just about make out where Rose was.

Fire suppressant... where? Corner of the room!

He was just moving for it when Jannah beat him there. She ripped the canister off the wall and expertly turned the spray onto the component that had burst into flames.

After Avara had shot it out. After she had taken Poe.

After Finn had _let_ her take Poe.

He looked to Penn. The Mandalorian was standing near a wall, staring at the spot the escape pod had ejected from.

Finn stalked over to him.

“Tell me she won’t hurt Poe,” he said in a low voice.

“She’s not cruel or merciless. She doesn’t kill without reason. She would never.”

Something sharp twisted into Finn’s gut. “But that was before the First Order, yeah? She doesn’t know him now. She thinks he’s her enemy. What did Avara do to enemies?”

Penn didn’t meet Finn’s eyes. He looked pale.

Finn backed away.

What had he done?

◈◈◈

“How long until the ion drive is fixed?”

“A while,” Rose replied, rubbing her forehead. She sighed shaking her head to herself. “BeeBee-Eight will be a huge help, but it’s possible we might need spare parts that we just don’t have.”

Finn just nodded stiffly.

On the other side of the room, Kaydel, Jannah and Penn were talking in low voices.

If anything happened to Poe, it was his fault. _He_ let Avara take Poe.

But he couldn’t focus on that. They had to get the ship started again

“Kaydel, get in contact with surface authorities on Yavin. Comm them and inform them of an escape pod containing a fugitive and a hostage. But do _not_ mention anything about the First Order.”

Kaydel nodded and rushed off.

“The rest of us, we need to get this ship moving again. Beebs, you gotta take point.”

The droid whistled and returned to scanning the damaged ion drive. His head was hanging lower than usual.

“I’m gonna go see if we have any spare parts or tools,” Finn mumbled, hastily leaving the room.

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a tiny chapter so I'm posting the next one right now.  
> this was just a lil intermission.


	16. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙄

***

It was getting dark. The shadows were getting long.

They had been walking for roughly an hour, led by Poe. But soon they wouldn’t be able to see themselves, let alone the marked trees. So he slowed down, keeping an eye out for a good enough resting place. Luckily for them, the ground underfoot was soft.

“Why are we slowing? Keep going.”

“It’s getting dark,” he said. “Haven’t you noticed?”

He could begin to hear the echoing woolamander calls that signalled the fast approaching dusk.

“We’ll stop here for the night,” he said decisively.

She didn’t look particularly happy about it, but she didn’t argue.

“How far until we reach this settlement?”

“I don’t know,” he replied as he began pushing mounds of dirt aside to make a small indent for him to sleep in.

“You _don’t_ know?” she asked furiously.

He jerked his head up to glare at her. “I only know the direction to walk in,” he said defensively. “Just be glad you have me,” he said finally, sitting down against a tree.

She scoffed. He could see the frustration on her face.

“Hey,” he said suddenly, catching sight of the First Order crest on her shoulder. “I thought I told you to ditch the jacket! The people here will shoot you just for wearing it!”

“What, it won’t get cold at night?”

He studied her for a second before picking up a fallen leaf to fiddle with.

“No. Not really. Plus, you don’t get cold easily.”

There was a pause.

“ _What_?”

“I said, you don’t get cold easily,” he mumbled almost feeling nervous. “So, it’s not like you really need the jacket.”

He glanced up quickly, catching a glimpse of some sort of uncertainty on her face. Then it disappeared as swiftly as he’d looked up.

She stalked over to a nearby tree to sit.

“What do I call you?”

He had two reasons to ask. 

The first, being that he actually did want to know what to call her. He couldn’t call her Avara. Or Deccol. She didn’t know those names. But he couldn’t call her by her… _current_ name either. Alta Jardon. No. That wasn't her.

The second reason was that she looked worried. Why, he didn’t know. But pulling her attention to him was a good distraction for her.

Her head jerked to him and he had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing at the startled but annoyed look on her face. There was just enough light for him to see her face.

“You don’t need to call me anything.”

He just tilted his head thoughtfully. A nickname then. Preferably one that annoyed her.

It took a minute. He grinned to himself.

Leia would always get slightly miffed if someone called her princess. _Especially_ in her General days. And not only Leia, but Avara too.

“I’ll call you Princess,” he said finally, not strong enough to keep back the grin.

“That makes no sense.”

He snorted with barely contained laughter. “It’s an inside joke.”

She didn’t bother replying.

“Your- are your wrists ok?” he asked a few minutes later, finding himself unable to stay quiet.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“What does it matter to you?”

“They were bleeding. It’s easy to get an infection in this climate.”

“With any luck I’ll be _off_ this planet in a short while,” she retorted.

“Where’s that jacket of yours?” he asked suddenly. He stood up. “Give it here.”

He ignored the blaster that was pointed at him as he strode over and grabbed the jacket from next to her. He found the hem and gripped it tightly, before forcing it apart.

There was something so _satisfying_ about ripping up a First Order uniform. He tore the black fabric into strips, all the while his blaster stayed aimed at him.

He was almost getting used to it.

Then he sat down next to her, being careful not to let the cloth touch the ground.

“Give me your wrist. You can hold the blaster with your other hand,” he snapped when she didn’t move.

“I can do it myself,” she growled, reaching for the cloth.

He used this movement to take her hand in his.

And she jerked away sharply with a hiss.

“Don’t touch me!”

But it wasn’t just anger. Something else was flickering in her eyes. Fear?

So he leaned back slightly, frowning with concern. What scared her? Surely not him?

He held out his hand again, slower this time. More cautious, as if approaching a wild animal.

“Let me wrap them up,” Poe said, trying not to sound too pleading.

“I can do it myself,” she repeated, but the venom was missing this time.

“It’s hard to wrap something with one hand.” He jerked his outstretched hand. “Come on.”

She hesitated before gingerly holding out her hand. He took it carefully.

Her fingers were cold. Even in this temperature. But then, hadn’t they always been?

The blood had dried into smears around her upper wrist. It seemed like the edges of the cuffs had dug in pretty deeply. And again, he felt guilty for putting them on her. He had no medical supplies to clean the cuts, all he could do was wrap them up with the makeshift bandages he’d made. He wound and tied the black material around her hands and wrists as gently as he could. 

He could tell she was uncomfortable at their closeness so he tried to be as fast as he could without making any movements that might startle her.

After all, there was a blaster pointed at him.

When he was done, he quickly shifted back to his tree. He didn’t bother looking at her as he lay down, resting his head on a carefully placed mound of dirt, covered with a large leaf. He’d done this before.

But he could feel her gaze burning into his back.

***

It was a familiar noise that woke him up. A low, reverberating sound that rumbled in his chest. He rolled over, stretching his stiff limbs and came face to face with a Whisper Bird. Its light brown plumage fluffed up as it studied him with beady yellow eyes.

Poe scooped up a small twig and flicked it at the bird. The feathers indignantly puffed up again and it took off with another deep hum.

He sat up with a large yawn, brushing soil of himself. Then his eyes sought out his old partner.

She was wide awake, in the exact same place and position, watching him curiously. She was even still holding his blaster, but it wasn’t pointed at him. That was a development.

He smirked slightly as he remembered the nickname he’d decided on, the previous night.

“G’morning Princess!” he called loudly, just to see her scowl.

She did, and he grinned.

“Let’s get moving,” she said shortly.

They walked a couple more hours.

Poe’s throat and mouth were dry. There was pretty much no saliva left. He just hoped a settlement or village was close.

A glance over his shoulder showed that she was feeling the same. Her skin gleamed with a sheen of sweat.

He was pretty sure he could squeeze sweat out of his hair if he tried hard enough. His shirt was sticking to him uncomfortably, but he resisted taking it off, for the Princess’ sake.

That willpower dissipated by the next hour.

He almost ripped his shirt trying to pull it off, the wet fabric frustratingly unyielding. These clothes were not made for this weather. He found the driest patch of his shirt and wiped his face with it.

The thing he was most thankful for, was the trees and their thick foliage. If it wasn’t for the dense greenery above them, it would be worse with the sun beating down.

He started counting the marked trees to keep himself occupied.

His hazy mind had just about gotten to two-hundred and fifty-nine when he stopped abruptly. Yes. There.

If he strained and listened, under the insect and animal noises, he could hear commotion. Human commotion.

He turned to look at the Princess triumphantly. “Village,” he said, jerking a thumb over his bare shoulder.

She just rolled her eyes slightly. But he knew she was relieved.

When they had slowly approached the settlement, Poe’s face fell as he had observed the place. 

It was Spectre Colony. Not the closest village to where he grew up, but it was one he would come to a lot with his father when he was young. The chance of him being recognised just based on _that_ , was pretty high. Everyone knew each other.

Then came the fact that he was a General of the Resistance _and_ a local of Yavin IV… his face and name would _definitely_ be known. He was as good as a celebrity.

He would have to keep hidden.

And the Princess was no longer wearing her First Order jacket, but it was obvious she was in a uniform. And to most of these people, who were all ex-Rebels, it would be obvious as to which one. She needed a change.

So they ended up sneaking into the back of a clothes shack. Where they found a large tub of fresh water on a table.

He rushed to it without a second thought, snatching the cup and scooping some out for himself. Forcing himself to take slow slips and not gulp it down, he watched as the Princess stood at the doorway, keeping a look out.

She was standing perfectly still, fingers tight around his blaster, frowning very slightly as she gazed outside.

Restless, he remembered. Restless and nervous is what she was feeling if she went still like that. 

He scooped another cupful of water and gulped it before scooping another.

“Here,” he said, holding it to her.

She took it after giving him a vaguely suspicious look.

“Go look for clothes. I’ll keep an eye out for trouble,” he muttered, taking a spot by the doorway.

“There’s nothing here that fits me,” she snapped after a minute of rough rummaging. The floor was covered in discarded clothes.

He glanced back at her from where he was leaning. 

“You can roll up the bottoms,” he scoffed.

“I’d rather not trip over my pants if I need to run,” she hissed.

“What about that,” he countered, pointing to the highest shelf where there was a pile of untouched clothes.

She glared up at it and he grinned after a second. She couldn’t reach it.

“ _I’ll_ get it for you,” he teased, moving towards her.

Her scowl grew larger.

“What’s going on in here?”

Both of them whipped around. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his blaster raised, pointing at the man who’d just walked in. Poe quickly held his palm out at her, warning her not to shoot.

“We- we’re just looking-”

“You’re thieving from my shop,” the man growled, glaring.

Then recognition flickered in his eyes and Poe winced internally.

“You, you’re Kes’ boy. Aren't you? Last I heard you were with the Resistance. A General.”

“I- yeah, I was- I mean I am.”

“Well, what are you...”

Then man trailed off, staring at Avara.

“I know an Imperial uniform when I see one.” The man looked between them. “It was you two in that pod that crashed down south, wasn’t it? They’re looking for you.” the shop owner said, eyes going hard. “A fugitive and a hostage.”

Avara was shifting uneasily, her grip adjusting on the blaster. Preparing to press the trigger.

“Don’t shoot,” Poe hissed at her before turning back to the owner. “Listen-” 

But the man’s hand was creeping to his hip. To his holster.

“No! Wait, just listen-” Poe tried to implore, stepping in the way.

But the next thing he felt was a brief, searing heat next to his elbow as a bolt whizzed past him. And burned a hole square into the man’s chest.

Poe took a step back, gasping as the man crumpled to the ground.

“No... why did you do that?” he whispered.

He turned on her sharply and she flinched back, raising the blaster to aim at him in instinct.

“Why would you _do_ that?” he moaned.

She faltered but the defiance remained, hardening her face.

“This blaster has no stun setting,” she muttered.

It wasn’t really anger that burned through him. Instead it was some sort of despair.

“You didn’t have to kill him,” he murmured, pressing a hand into his eyes for a second.

“He was going to shoot me,” she growled.

“Just find your clothes,” he spat, turning away, back to the doorway. He was trembling.

This wasn’t Avara. She wouldn’t have…

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep back sudden, unexpected tears.

Could _Avara_ really be brought back? He had seen no sign of her.

The Avara that would startle him for fun, the one that danced and watched the stars and made toys for her little brother?

Was she still there? What was he doing?

“I’m done.”

Her voice was quiet.

Poe glanced over his shoulder. She was still wearing her thin black shirt that she’d worn under her jacket, now with black cargo pants that she’d rolled up slightly at the waist.

He nodded as he grabbed a fresh shirt for himself, avoiding looking at her. He wished he had some credits to leave. But credits would do nothing now.

“Let’s go.”

He led the way to the landing clearings. There would be a shuttle they could take. Or steal, technically.

They walked amongst the trees to stay hidden. No alarm had been raised, which meant the... _murder_ hadn’t been discovered yet.

It was relatively quiet, but then that was normal for the afternoon on Yavin Four. It got so hot during the midday, people tended to only come out in the early morning or evening.

It seemed like the shuttles had the same idea. Not a single ship glinted in the midday sun.

So they went deeper into the jungle, and sat down to wait.

Poe wouldn’t look at her. He just picked up a dried leaf and methodically ripped it to shreds. Then he picked up another, and another.

He wondered what Finn was doing. Probably worrying. But Finn knew how to keep a straight head, even when he was anxious or scared. The man had mentioned a fugitive and a hostage. Finn must have alerted the ground administration.

Poe just closed his eyes and took a slow breath. His heart was still thrumming heavily.

***

“What’s Exegol?”

He looked up, meeting her eyes for what was probably the first time in an hour.

“You mentioned ‘Exegol’ in the pod,” she continued.

He hesitated before answering.

“Exegol is a planet. About a year ago, there was a battle. Above Exegol. The Final Order against the galaxy and the Resistance. The galaxy won.”

“Final Order?”

He scoffed. “Yeah. A new generation First Order fleet. But we destroyed it. Every single ship. And then this was followed by uprisings on other planets against the First Order.”

She was staring at him, frowning very slightly. Probably deciding whether to believe him or not.

“Why did you think the _Fellfire_ was hiding in the Bracca System?” he asked, trying to get her to come to the conclusion that he was telling the truth.

“We weren’t hiding,” she said instantly.

“Then what were you doing?”

“Monitoring the system.”

“Uhuh. Sure,” he said scornfully. “Tell me, where was your ship a year ago? Monitoring Lothal, perhaps?”

She didn’t reply but he saw her face shift. 

“There was an uprising there too. One of the star destroyers in that system was destroyed. But the _Fellfire_ managed to escape.”

“You could’ve made that up.”

“And I think you’ve already figured out that I don’t lie easily,” he responded, holding her gaze steadily.

She remained silent.

“Got any more questions?” he asked, almost tauntingly.

“Why did you take me?”

The question came instantly, as if she’d been wondering that for a while.

He faltered.

“I can’t answer that,” he said quietly.

***

The next two hours consisted of walking in circles, climbing trees and checking whether there were any shuttles. Finally, his fourth check revealed two freshly landed shuttles.

He snuck back to where she was. She had barely moved from where she had been sitting the whole. She had just sat there, eyes closed for the most part.

“Hey,” he called.

Her eyes opened.

He jerked his head. “Shuttles. Let’s go.”

She got up slowly. He guessed her legs were stiff.

She followed him back to the edge of the trees that bordered the landing clearing.

“The smaller one?” she asked as they peered through the greenery.

“Yeah. Would be better.”

“Let’s go then.”

She was about to step out to dart to the nearer ship and he lunged to grab her arm and haul her back.

“ _Wait_ ,” he hissed.

“Let go,” she snarled, trying to rip her arm out of his grip.

He let go before she could throw the fist that she had raised.

“Just _wait_ ,” he growled. “I don’t want us to run into some other person!”

Her glare was her only reply.

“Give me my blaster back,” he hissed. “I can’t risk another person getting shot because of you.”

Her glower wavered but she stubbornly didn’t move. “I’m keeping it.”

“Well don’t shoot anyone else then.” He couldn’t keep the acidity out of his tone.

He turned back to the clearing, desperately trying to smother the anger that had suddenly boiled up. Now was not the time.

He continued to watch the clearing. And a minute later, two people appeared, walking a crate down the ramp on the smaller shuttle, before continuing in the direction of the settlement.

“ _Now_ let’s go,” he muttered after they vanished from view, shooting her a pointed glance.

He slipped out into the clearing, taking a final glance around, before running for the open ramp of the nearby ship. He crept in slowly, the Princess right behind him. One of her hands was behind her back, clearly ready to pull out the blaster if needed.

The ship was completely empty, completely silent. But he couldn’t take any chances.

“Hello? Anyone in here?” he called loudly, tilting his head to listen.

“What are you _doing_?”

“I don’t want to fly off with someone in here,” he snapped back.

They both fell quiet, listening. But there was no other reply.

So, he turned into the cockpit.

“Can you fly it?”

“I can fly anything,” came his customary reply as he settled into the pilot’s chair, beginning to flick the switches and buttons. “Sit down,” he added. “I don’t like people hovering over my shoulder.”

Poe jerked the ship up roughly, lifting it over the tree line, and accelerated forward, into the sky. He glanced over his shoulder to see that she wasn’t in the room. Probably gone to explore the ship.

So, he took his chance and quickly moved to comm the _Ember_.

“This is Poe. I’m in a shuttle exiting Yavin’s atmosphere. _Ember_ , come in.”

He waited a few seconds.

“ _Poe! I’ve been worried, are you ok? Is Avara ok?_ ”

Poe just had to smile at hearing Finn’s voice. “Yes Finn, I’m alright, and so is she. How’s the ship? Ion drive?”

He heard a heavy sigh from Finn.

“ _Still not fixed. Sending you our co-ords._ ”

There was a beep on Poe’s dashboard. “Got them.”

“ _Poe, we got news that there was a murder in the colony the pod landed near._ ”

He swallowed. “Yeah. I know. I’ll explain.”

Finn was replying, his voice crackling smoothly through the comm.

And something slammed into the side of Poe’s head. He slumped sideways in the chair, gasping as pain radiated from the impact, blackening the edges of his vision. He could hear Finn yelling through the comm. Before she turned it off.

He lifted his head, gaze swimming as he tried to get off the chair. But his movements were unsteady and sluggish. He looked up at her as he slipped off the chair.

She was standing over him. Something was in her hand. His blaster.

“I’m reporting back to my post,” her voice came.

Panic flared in him.

“No... _Avara_ ,” he gasped, struggling to get the words out, struggling to sit up. But his head was too heavy.

But then she leaned down over him and lifted the blaster again.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh, cliffhanger.  
> I know I know, I'm moving real fast real suddenly. I just hope you guys take it well! Let me know what you think!
> 
> And, if you know why I named the place Spectre Colony, you are now my new best friend. You're welcome ;)  
> [also thinking of changing this to a mature rating cause of violence, but its not graphic, so maybe not :/ idk]


	17. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐕𝐈

◈◈◈

“Finn!” It was Kaydel. “There was a reply from the surface authority. The pod was tracked to the jungle, south of a colony. But when they searched it no one was there, obviously. They left the pod.”

Finn sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“All they can do is keep an eye out,” she added, shrugging.

“And the ion drive is going to take a while,” Finn said, pursing his lips. “A couple days, if not a few.”

“It’ll be alright, Finn. He’ll be alright. He knows that planet, and he knows her.”

“That’s the thing, Kaydel. He _doesn’t_ know her,” Finn groaned frustratedly. “He _thinks_ he does.”

“The authorities are asking for their identities too. So they can alert the residents too.”

“We can’t tell them who Avara is,” Finn said instantly. “They’ll hunt her down and not care whether they kill her or not. Tell them about Poe though. He’s a local. They’ll look out for him.”

Kaydel nodded a headed back for the cockpit, leaving him staring at his caf. It had gone cold.

◈◈◈

Finn was in the engineering room, hovering, seeing if he could help in any way. But he knew pretty much no mechanics at all. At least they had Rose and Jannah. And BB-8. They knew their way around machinery. And from the looks of it, Penn did too.

“Nope. We really do need another power cell,” Rose said matter-of-factly, sitting back. “We’re going nowhere until that repair ship comes out and gets us.”

It had been almost seventeen hours, maybe more, since Avara took Poe. And Finn was feeling useless.

“Kaydel, you sure you called for a repair ship?” Jannah yelled.

Kaydel walked in before Jannah could even finish speaking. “I did. But you know how they always are. Late. Also, there’s news from the surface.”

They all perked up, Finn included.

“It’s not good news,” she said quickly, clearly seeing their hopefulness. “Someone was found dead. Shot in the chest. A local. Authorities are thinking it’s _our_ fugitive.”

Finn dragged a hand down the side of his face. _Shit_.

“Any sight of Poe?”

“Nope. But they really want to know _her_ identity now. Since she’s a suspect for murder and all.”

“No. We can’t.”

“That’s what I told them,” Kaydel said. “They're getting pissed.”

“We _really_ need that repair ship,” Penn muttered. He was looking worried.

They all looked at him, then Finn. He knew they were all thinking the same thing.

“Would she do that?”

Rose was the first to speak, addressing Penn.

“Would she kill someone?”

“She’s not cold-blooded,” Penn said defensively. But she would kill. Especially if her safety was threatened. We’re Mandalorians.”

“And again, you know this from _before_ she was part of the First Order,” Finn said quietly.

He could feel the anxiousness coming of them all in waves, and backed away for the cockpit. All he could do was wait.

◈◈◈

Finn was leaning into the dashboard, almost excitedly. Poe’s voice had woken him up. And he was fine. He was ok. Poe was coming back to them.

Until he heard a muffled sounding thud and a cry.

“Poe?” he called, leaning even closer to the comm. “Poe!”

He strained his ears and heard a faint groan from the comm. It was Poe. No doubt about that.

Finn stiffened. _Avara_.

“Don’t hurt him!” he said desperately, knowing she could hear him. “You hurt him, I swear I’ll-”

A loud beep interrupted him. She had switched off their commlink.

There were footsteps behind Finn and he whirled around.

“I _had_ him! I was talking with him, he was coming back!”

The frustration and fear were burning into his eyes. Tears.

He just shook his head and shouldered past them, head low.

◈◈◈

“Finn. Just tell me what happened.”

Rose was rubbing his shoulder, but he wouldn’t lift his face. It stayed in his hands.

“I was just talking with him on the comm,” Finn began after a moment. His voice was scratchy, so he cleared his throat. “Then I heard him cry out. As if he’d been hit. He _had_ been hit. He was on his way back here.”

“And then what?”

“The comm cut out. It was her.”

“You think she took Poe back to the First Order?”

“She’s a First Order officer,” Finn snapped, jerking his head up to glare at Rose. “Of _course_ she did. She would have, _especially_ if she knew he was Resistance.”

“What do we do?”

Kaydel was standing at the door. Finn guessed that Penn and Jannah were there too, just out of sight.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I just don’t know.”

There was silence for a long moment.

“If she took him, she would’ve gone back to the star destroyer,” Penn said.

“But the Fellfire was going to leave the Bracca system,” Jannah replied slowly. “How will she find it?”

“How will _we_ find it, is a more important question,” Finn mumbled stiffly.

They all went quiet again.

“We need to get to Bracca as fast as we can,” Penn said from the doorway. “The ship might still be there.”

“We need that repair ship first,” Kaydel muttered angrily, walking off.

Finn lowered his face back into his hands.

“Kaydel, can you lengthen the reach of the comm? I don’t know how to do that. I wanna talk with Rey.”

“Uh, yeah. Of course. It’ll be done in a few minutes.”

She disappeared.

“Just leave me alone guys. I just want to think.”

There were gentle murmurs as they filed out of the room, Rose giving his shoulder one last squeeze.

It took him a while to figure it out, but eventually he managed to connect his personal holocomm to the ship’s mainframe. And less than a minute later, Rey’s face was flickering in the holograph in front of him.

“Finn? I was sleeping,” she grumbled. Then she must’ve taken in his face, and straightened up, suddenly alert. “What happened?”

“Sorry to wake you,” he mumbled, looking away. He didn’t really know how to begin.

“You guys found her, right? I got your message. I thought that meant everything was ok.”

“Yeah, we had her. Everything was fine... until yesterday.”

“What happened yesterday?”

“Avara took Poe hostage, busted the ion drive of our ship and escaped.” He paused, waiting for Rey’s reaction, but she was just listening quietly with a frown, so he continued. “They took the escape pod and landed on Yavin Four.”

“Is he ok?”

“They then got on a shuttle and were heading back, but from what I gathered, she hijacked it and they disappeared.”

Rey blinked. Twice. Then her eyes widened. “She took Poe? Back to her star destroyer?”

Finn just nodded, feeling a lump in his throat.

Rey probably went pale. Finn couldn’t actually tell because she was in a low-quality hologram, but she probably did.

She just fell silent and he nervously picked the skin around his fingernails.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he burst out.

“What shuttle did she hijack? The one she and Poe were on.”

“I don’t know, some random shuttle. They probably stole it.”

Then he jerked his head to look up at her, his eyes going wide. She was nodding slightly.

“Oh,” he breathed. “I see. If it is was a commercial goods shuttle...”

He let himself trail off because they were clearly already thinking along the same lines. He nodded.

“Ok. I’ll follow that up! Thank you, Rey!”

Her face lit up in one of her bright grins as the link disconnected.

Finn darted out of his room.

“Hey! When’s that repair ship coming?” he yelled to no one in particular. “I have an idea!”

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so, listen up;  
> I started writing chapters 19 and 20 and the way I've been writing them, they get kinda dark. I will be putting TWs beforehand (chapter notes) and if anyone wants more of a heads up feel free to DM me on Instagram [@we.won.mr.stark (yes I'm a marvel fan)] or even on tumblr. It's gonna be a similar vibe to those last couple chapters of part one. *check tags too*
> 
> Speaking of Part 1, I got it printed into a book and it just shipped yesterday ? And I'm so freaked out it's like 400 pages [wtf] and I love it so much :)  
> I'm looking forward to properly sitting down and annotating it after exams. Can't wait.
> 
> PS: I know my end of chapter notes are always so long hehe. Sorryyyyy


	18. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙄𝙄

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood, Torture (not graphic)

***

Poe came to, head throbbing.

It lurched painfully and it took him a second to realise that it was the ship that had caused the movement. 

He stiffened as it all rushed back to him. They had just landed. Where? Probably in a hangar of the _Fellfire_. He pressed the side of his face into the smooth floor, trying to steel himself. Avara had said she was reporting back to her post.

He’d been tortured before. What was one more time, right?

He heard the distant hiss of hydraulics. The entry ramp.

Then footsteps. Several sets.

The door slid open and he closed his eyes for a second. 

“There. Take him to detention.”

Hands hauled on his arms, dragging him up painfully, making his vision swirl. 

But he managed to fix Ava- the First Order Sergeant with a glare. 

“Nice work, _Princess_.”

She glared back but there was a spark of something uneasy in her eyes. 

It was like déjà vu. Once again alone, with cuffs, being marched down seemingly endless hallways with gleaming black floors by a stormtrooper. Felt like Jakku all over again.

Except this time, he knew for a fact that there was no Finn to break him out again.

_Finn_... Poe’s heart twisted as roughly as his ankle did when the trooper shoved him up a set of stairs. Finn would be distraught.

At least he had Rose and Jannah.

And at least Poe knew that they would search for him for as long as it took.

***

And, unsurprisingly, he was back on one of those torture chair things. 

The cell was identical to the one he was in on the _Finalizer_ when Kylo Ren interrogated him, complete with an interrogator droid. Thankfully, this time the droid was powered off.

The last time, the droid had almost killed him.

He just stared at the black ceiling, waiting for the inevitable. Either the droid would be switched on or some sadistic officer would walk in. Or both. 

It seemed to be the officer. What felt like an hour later, Poe was wrenched off his table by two troopers and walked through even more hallways, and into an office. 

He recognised the door. This was the general’s office.

He and Kaydel had stood out here less than two days ago disguised as stormtroopers. It seemed so long ago.

Poe recognised the man sitting at the long desk from the First Order files they had used in preparation to rescue Avara. 

Admiral Malin. 

Or, _General_ , technically. The previous general, General Polus, had apparently died a year ago, Poe remembered from the random conversation between Finn and that Commander Garn.

Convenient for Malin.

“Ah, welcome. I would call you Commander Dameron… but I’m told you’re actually _General_ Dameron now. Congratulations. Leia Organa’s protégé.”

Poe just kept his face expressionless. 

“I wanted to meet you, face to face, General to General.”

“General? You gave yourself a promotion?” Poe asked smoothly, raising an eyebrow. 

“Aha. No, I was promoted.”

“By who? Snoke? Probably not, because he’s dead. Kylo Ren? Nope, he’s dead too. And so is Hux from what I heard last. The First Order is gone. Pull your head out of your ass and just surrender.”

Malin’s eyes narrowed. 

“I _was_ going to treat you like a fellow General, even though you are just some rebel. But, Dameron, you seem to have changed my mind.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry I won’t be a grateful recipient of your manners,” he snarled. “Do your worst.”

“That is the plan. Take him to an empty cell,” Malin responded with a dismissive flick of his hand. 

And he was once again hauled out. 

***

It was a different cell now. Just empty, as Malin had requested. No table or droid. Poe sat on the hard floor, wondering what the Princess was doing.

He couldn’t help but feel betrayed. Even though you need trust to be betrayed in the first place. So he hated that he had automatically just trusted her. 

He’d lost sight of the fact that she was First Order, and that she didn’t know who he was. She didn’t remember. 

And it wasn’t her fault. 

He’d been blinded by the memories of his old partner.

He had been stupid to not realise she wouldn’t go back to the _Ember_ without a fight. And that had been his mistake. 

A _stupid_ mistake. 

***

Malin came in an hour later, flanked by two troopers. 

“Where is the rest of the Resistance?”

Poe just rolled his eyes. 

The First Order-Resistance war was over. There wasn’t even an official ‘Resistance’ anymore. And Poe knew that Malin knew this.

Malin pulled something from his belt. A thin, delicate-looking hilt. 

He pressed a button and a long tendril extended from the end. It sparked and hissed as it hit the ground, glowing gold with a low hum. 

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Malin said, admiring the weapon. “It’s old, used to belong to Zyggerian slavers. I enjoy collecting old weapons. They always have such a sophisticated beauty to them.”

He raised the hilt over his head and jerked it down sharply, the snap echoing through the room. Yellow arcs of electricity crackled along the length.

Poe clenched his jaw.

“ _I_ don’t torture,” Malin continued.

The man was talking as if he had some awe-inspired crowd sitting in front of him.

“I have others who do that dirty work for me. But I let them use my weapons. It keeps the weapons in good shape.” Malin looked up from the whip met Poe’s eyes. “And the others, well, they enjoy it too.”

Cue the sadistic officer that Poe had been expecting.

“But, if you co-operate, we won’t have to go there at all.”

“Thing is, there’s nothing for me to co-operate over,” Poe replied irritably. “There is no more Resistance because the war is _over_. I have nothing to tell you.”

Poe almost missed it, glaring at Malin, but the two troopers behind exchanged a glance as he spoke.

The Admiral considered him for a second. “You talked to Sergeant Jardon on Yavin Four, didn’t you? Why can’t you do the same now?”

Poe stiffened at the mention of Avara.

“Trooper, let Sergeant Jardon in.”

One of the stormtroopers opened the door to the cell and she stepped in.

“General. You sent for me?”

Her voice was tight.

Poe stared at her, but she seemed to be ignoring him. The bandages around her wrists were white now, and she was in a fresh uniform.

“Yes, Sergeant. You told me that Dameron here talked quite freely with you during your stint on Yavin Four. I was hoping you might, ah, _convince_ him to do the same now.”

“That was under different circumstances, General,” she said, her voice barely hiding the annoyance she was so clearly feeling. “Captain Mignin is more familiar with interrogation, sir. I suggest you ask her. I’m-”

The name burned into Poe.

“Mignin?” gasped Poe. Horror prickled his skin. “You said _Mignin_?”

No. Not her.

Neither Avara nor Malin looked at him, though Avara’s words did break off when he spoke.

“I’m needed with my platoon,” she said, ignoring him and continuing the sentence that Poe had obviously interrupted.

Mignin. Fera _Mignin_. All the way from Ord Mantell.

Poe should’ve guessed she would be here. 

He angled his face away from the two First Order officers, trying to keep his breathing steady.

Avara was here because of _her_ after all.

How had he not seen this in the files?

“You might want to stop wasting time with me, _Admiral_ ,” Poe snarled impulsively, interrupting whatever the man had been saying to Avara. “I usually escape from Star Destroyers pretty quickly.”

Malin turned to him. “That won’t be happening this time, Dameron.”

“You sure? The first time, it was a stormtrooper that helped me. The second time it was your very own General Hux. I wonder who it’ll be this time.”

Malin’s eyes hardened. “You’re right, Sergeant,” he said stiffly, speaking to Avara even though he was staring at Poe. “I believe Captain Mignin may help with this case after all.

The words almost made Poe shrink back.

They left the room, leaving Poe alone to struggle to come to terms with the fact that he’d once again have to see Fera Mignin in person.

***

It was Fera who walked in, an hour later. Fera, followed by Avara.

The sight of the Falleen almost pulled the air out of his lungs.

He clenched his jaw as she took one look at him and laughed, long and hard.

“Oh. _Poe Dameron_. How lovely it is to see you again.”

“You know him?”

“Oh, yes, we met a long time ago,” Fera replied, to Avara’s question. “I took his partner from him,” she continued, her grin growing wider as she fixed Poe with her dark eyes.

It took all his willpower to resist the urge to lunge at her. Pure fury seared through him and he had to look away from the gloating Fallen and stare at the wall instead. Which was pointless, because he could see their reflections on the shiny surface.

“Why am I here?” Avara snapped suddenly. “You don’t need my help.”

“Oh, I know. I just couldn’t resist,” Fera answered.

Poe looked back at them in time to see Avara shoot a distasteful look at Fera.

“That makes no sense,” she snapped, to which Fera grinned.

“Not to _you_. Poe gets it though. Don’t you, sweetheart?”

He just held her gaze as unwaveringly as he could with the anger rushing in him.

“Right,” Avara muttered dismissively. “I’m going.”

“No, I want an audience,” the Falleen said, pulling a hilt off her belt, which Poe recognised as the weapon Malin had shown him earlier.

“ _And_ I want an assistant.”

Poe shifted nervously on the floor as Fera and Avara glared at each other.

“You can get a _trooper_ to assist you,” she growled, turning away to the door. “I have other things I need to attend to.”

“No,” Fera snarled, her voice suddenly going harsh. “ _You_ will help me. The General authorised me to use whatever methods I want.”

“I am not a _method_ ,” hissed Avara, anger burning in her eyes.

“Hm. Yes, you are,” came the taunting reply.

Avara’s eyebrows shifted into a small, confused frown for a brief moment.

“Now make him stand up, _Jardon_. That’s an order. I am a _captain_ after all.”

It was the first time Avara met his eyes since the troopers had pulled him off the shuttle they stole.

She walked over to him slowly and reached for his arm, pulling on it.

“Get up,” she muttered stiffly.

Poe didn’t budge. He wasn’t going to let Fera manipulate him so easily. Whether it was using Avara or not.

“Get up,” she said, louder this time.

The Falleen chuckled, slowly sauntering closer.

“Let me teach you, Jardon. Take this,” she said, holding the electro-whip out.

Avara took it, something akin to repulsion flickering on her face.

“Oh, don’t be like that. I’ve seen you handle similar weapons with ease.”

Fera was given another disdainful look.

“Now show Poe what happens when he doesn’t listen.”

His breaths stilled as he stared up at Avara. Would she really hurt him?

She stared at the weapon Fera had handed to her.

“Torture isn’t my thing, Mignin,” Avara said shortly, after a long second. “I prefer my opponent to be in a similar state to me when I fight them. On _fair_ terms.”

Poe couldn’t stop a small, proud smile from slipping onto his face as Avara pushed the whip back at Fera. He let it grow wider as she turned and swiftly walked out, leaving Fera behind in her wake.

He couldn’t stop himself from laughing as the door closed. It bubbled out from him, coated in dark glee.

“You may have taken her memories away, but you couldn’t make her cruel,” he sneered, still smiling.

Fera’s response was to whip him straight across his face, quicker than he could raise his arms to protect himself. He shrieked as the electrified cord bit into his sensitive skin and hastily twisted away as more lashes began to rain down unforgivingly.

He blacked out a few minutes into the agony, the sharp, coppery taste of blood filling his mouth.

***

It hurt to move. Like someone was aiming a flamethrower at his back.

He only realised that the whip had broken through skin when he lifted his head and saw the splatters of blood on the floor. It must have ripped through his shirt.

It was hard to open his left eye as well. It had swollen up. His muscles were still twitching, remains from the whip's electric current.

So he couldn’t do much more than shift around on his side and watch the door with his good eye, waiting for someone to walk in.

It was just a trooper, hours later. They were holding a metal cup.

Poe frowned and squirmed, moving to push himself up. There was semi-dried blood on the floor. It was hard to grip it. His palm kept shifting under his weight, smearing the blood even more, and the thick cuffs around his wrists didn't help.

The stormtrooper set the cup down and stepped forward to grasp one of Poe’s arms, and dragged him up into a sitting position.

He almost pulled his arm away from the trooper, before realising he wouldn’t be able to get up without help. He had to bite his already broken lip to stop a cry from spilling out of him at the movement. He took a few harsh breaths once he was upright as he steadied himself.

It was hard. Poe couldn’t even let himself lean back against the wall behind him, so he hunched over slightly, staying upright with a palm on the floor.

The trooper seemed to hesitate then, before going back to pick the cup up.

“It’s just water,” they added shortly after Poe didn’t move. “The sergeant sent me.”

And with that, the trooper turned and disappeared.

The sergeant. Avara.

Poe almost felt like scoffing. Was she just repaying the favour of offering water?

He picked the cup up cautiously.

He sniffed it. Nothing.

Then he touched the tip of his tongue to the surface of the water. Normal.

So he took a small sip and waited, seeing if he’d feel different because of some drug. No difference.

Slowly, he finished the water.

So, it _had_ been from Avara then.

He stared at the cup, running a finger around the rim. Would food be next? He almost felt guilty for hoping it would be, even though he didn’t want anything from them. It was that pride.

But his stomach had already started to cramp. Pride could only go so far. He hadn’t eaten since he had been with Finn on their newly named ship.

He slowly eased himself back down, onto his side again.

Nothing had changed, had it?

Avara was still in Fera’s power, under her thumb. And now so was Poe. It was just like Ord Mantell.

Nothing had changed.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't really got anything to say after this one, so hope everyone is well :)
> 
> love, Iye


	19. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙄𝙄𝙄

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: slavery (unrelated from the characters), brief mention of torture

***

Poe’s eyes flickered at the sound of the door opening. He contemplated, for a second, whether it was worth trying to push himself up as the door closed behind Fera.

He decided it was. And once again forced himself up.

He was aware of how she watched him amusedly as he struggled to sit up, but not a single noise escaped from his throat, and for that he was grateful.

She walked closer and he stiffened instinctively, but she just bent down and pick up the metal cup from next to him. The one the trooper had brought him water in. She studied it for a long second before sitting down in the center of the room.

She had brought in a stool to sit on.

They just stared at each other in silence. Then she spoke.

“Well, I’m here. Go on.”

He frowned. What?

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have any questions?” she asked as if it was obvious.

Poe remained silent.

“Don’t you want to know what I did to her, after you snuck away three years ago?”

His insides seemed to go cold. He didn’t want to know. But he didn’t have the strength to open his mouth. He had a feeling she’d tell him anyway.

“You know, this whip the General gave me? Used to be used by slavers,” she said matter-of-factly, unhooking the weapon from her belt. “Though I’m sure he’s already told you, he’s kind of obsessed. These whips were designed just to deliver pain, but not to damage. Though I think I passed that limit last night. Sorry.”

His back was still burning.

“See, they didn’t want to damage their property. The healthier the slave, the more profits. But me,” she said, looking up from the whip hilt, “ _I_ don’t care about damage. As I’m sure you figured out. And your sparky partner learned that pretty quickly too. After you left of course.”

Poe felt frozen. His muscles were tight, breathing shallow. And he couldn’t tear his gaze away from her.

“So, I didn’t use a whip like _this_. I used a weapon called a firewhip. I didn’t use it _all_ the time, but they are a favourite of mine. Have you heard of those?”

His throat was tightening. _He didn’t want to know._

She continued talking.

_But he deserved to._

He _deserved_ to hear about the pain he had caused.

And so he listened.

***

He was still sitting up. Sitting sideways, just using his shoulder to lean against the wall. Fera had left what Poe judged to be an hour ago.

He could feel the heat radiating from his back and spreading through him, making his skin bead with sweat.

Or it was everything Fera had told him, creeping into him, churning in his stomach and his mind. Over and over.

_“A month in, and she was struggling to remember her name...”_

He squeezed his eyes shut but it did nothing.

_“She asked about you once. I told her you left...”_

There was that pain in his chest as it seized, as he tried to control the sob that had been pushing for the past hour.

_“She killed my brother. She deserved everything I gave her. And I gave her a lot. See, I don’t always know when to stop.”_

But his one-sided talk with Fera had just reinstated how important it was for him to get Avara off the star destroyer.

There was a low hissing noise and it took a moment for him to realise the door to his cell had opened.

It was a trooper. And going by the way the trooper was holding a tray, it was probably the same trooper as last time. Food. The trooper set the tray down right in front of Poe.

He wasn’t really in the mood to eat, but he lifted his head to look into the trooper’s visor, suddenly feeling unusually alert.

“From the Sergeant?” he asked hopefully.

The trooper either didn’t hear or ignored him, turning around to head for the door which closed behind them quickly.

It made Poe hesitate. So, _not_ the same trooper as before? Which meant it wasn’t likely that this was Avara’s doing?

He might’ve picked at his food, but since he had no idea who ordered he be given food, he decided against it. So he pushed the tray away, nudging it just out of reach, and closed his eyes.

Sleep didn’t come to him as quickly as he’d hoped.

His throat was dry, his back still felt like hot metal was being pressed into his skin and his mind was still racing.

But eventually, his eyelids grew heavy.

Something made him jerk. His back flared with a sharp sting and he hissed, taking tiny, controlled breaths as if it would help with the pain.

Then he looked around. Had something woken him?

The room was empty.

Frustration and anger welled up in him. Why couldn’t he just sleep? He was tired.

Shoving his face into his hands, he let himself groan as quietly as he could manage before rolling out his neck without agitating his back.

The room was stifling.

The door swished open and he looked up, mentally preparing himself for Fera.

It was Avara.

The relief was overwhelming.

She walked in slowly, eyes flicking around the room before focusing on him, and then the food tray.

“Hi, Princess.”

She gave him a scathing look but it wasn’t harsh. It made him smile.

“Who brought you that?” she asked, jerking her head at the food.

He’d been right. She hadn’t sent it.

“Some trooper.”

She nodded, once again staring at the food thoughtfully.

“Why didn’t you eat it?”

The brown eyes were fixed on him now.

“Not hungry.”

Avara nodded again. She seemed distracted. Stretching out a leather-clad foot, she pushed the tray even further away from him.

Poe frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Almost in answer, her gaze dropped, not meeting his eyes, but looking at his back.

He shifted uneasily.

“There’s no point telling Fera to stop,” he said quietly. “She’s not going to. And it'll just get you in trouble.”

Avara didn’t say anything but he could almost feel her thinking.

“First Order officers usually aren’t this concerned with prisoners,” he tried.

She glared at him, though again, it was half-hearted. Because she knew he was right.

“You should go. Fera wouldn’t be thrilled if she found out you dropped in.”

Something curious sparked in her eyes then, but again, she said nothing.

It was some desperate panic that set in as he watched her leave. He wanted her to stay. He felt safer with her near.

***

What was probably hours later, Fera returned.

As she walked in, she unhooked the hilt from her belt.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I've written six chapters ahead purely because final exams start tomorrow and I'm _extremely_ skilled at procrastinating. Anyway, next chapter will be up in like two days :) 
> 
> \- Iye
> 
> also, let me know how you guys feel about an Avara or Penn POV chapter. I'm thinking about it.


	20. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙄𝙑

***

Drifting. That’s what it was. He wasn’t sleeping, but he didn’t feel awake.

His breathing seemed to echo in his ears.

At least the floor was cool. It felt nice to let his cheek press against it.

Finn? Where was Finn? Wasn’t Finn coming?

He felt hollow. Numb-like.

His arm was tingling, sandwiched between his chest and the floor. And his wrists were hurting. Every breath he took seemed to send pain rocketing up and down his body.

Not just his back, but now his legs too. Even the nape of his neck was burning.

And he knew this was nothing compared to what she had done to Avara.

Fera had told him. Given him even more details. Details that had made him want to stand up and wrap his hands around Fera’s neck.

But, as usual, he couldn’t. Powerless.

He had just closed his eyes and hoped he would pass out. He did, eventually.

It felt like he was just waiting. That’s all it was now. Waiting for Fera to come back like he knew she would. Waiting for Avara. Maybe she’d come. And waiting for Finn.

The door opened, making his eyes open a little.

White boots. A trooper.

He let his eyes close again, as the footsteps came closer. He could hear the footsteps in the floor through the ear that was pressed into it.

Then there was a clinking sound. He opened his eyes again.

Shiny metal. A cup.

He was too slow to realise what was going to happen next.

Hands gripped his arm, rolling him backwards, onto his side, and some ugly noise slipped out of his mouth, leaving him trembling with pain.

The hands let go.

“Don’t- don’t-” he gasped, trying to formulate the words.

The trooper seemed to get the idea.

Footsteps retreated and the door swished again.

The shiny metal of the water cup glinted tauntingly at him.

But then the door opened again.

White boots. And black boots.

Fear stiffened him, but when he opened his eyes wider, it wasn’t Fera. So he let his eyes slip shut again. He was safe.

“Hey. You want water?”

He tilted his head slightly, turning it upwards.

Cool metal leaned against his bottom lip, and a thin trickle of water was poured into his mouth. He could feel some running down his chin because of the awkward position, but that was ok because it was cold. Soothing.

“I shouldn’t have brought you here,” came a low murmur after the cup had been put back down.

“Not your fault,” he muttered, opening his eyes again.

She was kneeling right over him, anger gleaming behind her eyes. Over her shoulder was a white stormtrooper helmet, watching silently.

Her eyebrows drew together at his statement.

“It’s my fault,” he breathed. “All of it. My fault.”

Something hard settled on her face and she stood up sharply.

Something must have passed between her and the trooper, because the white helmet nodded, and followed her away, again raising that need in Poe to call out to her and ask her to stay.

And again, he held it down and just closed his eyes.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [this be a tiny chapter so the next one will go up within a few hours ✨ til then, play spot the ~~difference~~ reference to part 1 in this chapter]


	21. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐕𝐈𝐈

◈◈◈

Finn had just dismissed it at first.

The repair ship had arrived, docked and sold them the needed parts to fix the ion drive.

He had been awake for a _long_ time now. So he had ignored the ache in his back as stress, or just exhaustion.

The second the ion drive was up and running, they were flying down to Yavin IV, to the colony Poe had just been in. Rose had tried to tell him to sleep, that they would manage it, but he wouldn’t hear it.

They landed, courtesy of Penn who was the next best pilot after Poe, and instantly set out to the local authorities, where they were met with hostility.

The officials there were furious.

The murder that had taken place, the one that Poe had known something about, had put the locals on edge. And the anger just grew as they realised that Finn was not about to hand them Avara’s identity. So in retaliation, they refused to give out details on the ship Poe and Avara had taken.

It took several hours, consisting of pleading, threats and promises before they were given the stolen shuttle’s manifest.

The stolen ship belonged to a corporation called _Core-Yavin INC._ , a company that transported food to Yavin IV. The problem was that the headquarters were located on Coruscant. Only from there would they have a chance to trace the shuttle.

And it would take days to travel there.

So they left for the Core immediately.

And it was around that time that the discomfort Finn was feeling became more prominent. It was as if the skin on his back was being pinched really intensely.

He assumed it was the old wound acting up. But it felt off. This wasn’t how it would normally feel.

He slipped into the ‘fresher for a shower, first in steaming hot water, before cranking it to ice cold. It gave him some relief, but the second he stepped out the pain returned.

So he yanked his shirt off and offered his back to the first person he saw in the gallery. Rose, Jannah and Penn were all sitting there.

“Rose, is there anything on my back? Like, I don’t know, an insect bite or something?”

“Whoa, what the hell?” Penn gasped very audibly as Rose moved closer. “Man, I’ve seen scars before... but that’s a _scar_ scar.”

“No there’s nothing there,” Rose replied after a second. “Why?”

“It’s hurting. Stinging.” He rolled his shoulders uncomfortably.

“What happened?” Penn asked, leaning forward very slightly.

Finn raised his eyebrows. “I take it you’re asking about the scar?”

“Obviously.”

“From a lightsaber. Kylo Ren, if you know who that is.”

Penn shrugged. “Someone in the First Order, I guess. If it’s a lightsaber, that would’ve meant you almost died.”

“Almost,” Finn agreed. “Lucky for me, there was a friend nearby.”

Penn just nodded, seemingly unsure of what else to say. But a second later he raised his voice again.

“I have a lightsaber.”

He said it quietly, but his eyes were gleaming.

Show-off.

“Here? With you?” Rose asked, fascinated.

Jannah and Finn exchanged amused looks.

Penn nodded, clearly trying not to puff out his chest.

“What, you a secret Jedi or something?”

The Mandalorian gave Finn an affronted look. “A _Jedi_ ,” he said scornfully. “No.”

Finn opened his mouth to reply but whatever he’d been about to say got broken off by a wince. He shifted as his back panged painfully.

“Maybe go sleep, Finn,” Jannah suggested gently. “You’ve been up for hours.”

“Yeah,” he muttered. “Might do.”

He made his way to his room. It felt empty without Poe there. He stared at the bed for a long second before clambering on.

He was asleep within minutes.

◈◈◈

He wanted to scream. Something was scoring into his back, repeatedly, over and over and _over_ and there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t move as he heard the strikes on his skin. The pain increased steadily.

The binders around his wrists were digging into his stomach as he lay on them and he was pulling his hands against them, fighting the pain on his back by hurting his wrists. Focusing on one pain rather than the other. It seemed to help. He wasn’t sure.

Finn jerked as he opened his eyes to a loud beeping. He lay there, immobilised on the mattress as he shook, the agony from his back slowly fading as he focused on the light grey blanked tangled around him.

BB-8 was the one beeping behind him. Waking him up on purpose.

Poe. They were torturing him.

He tightened his fists into the grey sheet, fear from the dream still twisting into his stomach.

“Beebs!” came a call from outside the room. “What are you doing?”

Rose. Her footsteps came closer as Finn quickly tried to compose himself. The droid whistled loudly as Finn sat up. His hands were still trembling.

“Nightmare?” Rose’s face appeared around the doorway, looking concerned. “Oh, Finn. What- are you ok?”

He apparently hadn’t composed himself well enough.

“I just had a dream,” he said quietly. But his breathing was unsteady.

She leaned on the edge of the bunk next to him, eyes worried.

“About Poe,” she said, already knowing.

He looked away as BB-8 whirred fretfully, rolling closer.

He wished he hadn’t then, as his eyes landed on Poe’s brown jacket. Their jacket.

“They’re torturing him.”

Rose just squeezed his arm.

They didn’t move for a long while.

◈◈◈

They were more than half-way to Coruscant. And Finn’s faith in their plan to track the stolen shuttle was dwindling. He didn’t know why. He commed Rey again. His back had ominously stopped hurting. It scared him.

“ _Any news?_ ”

Finn shook his head.

Rey sighed, looking anxious. “ _We’ll find him, Finn. And he’ll be ok._ ”

“They’re torturing him,” Finn repeated. The words felt dry as he said them.

Rey gave him a quizzical look and he elaborated. “I had a nightmare. I guess you’d call it a vision.”

He looked up at her to see a mildly surprised expression on her face.

“Yeah, I know,” he continued, knowing what she was thinking. “I didn’t know I was strong enough with the Force to have those either.”

“ _No, it makes sense. You’re close with Poe. Your bond is stronger. It’s not surprising you’d have a vision about him._ ”

If it were another situation, Finn might’ve smiled slightly at that. But here, it just made him heavier.

Rey fell silent, obviously seeing the effect her words had on him.

“ _Did you comm me to talk about the vision?_ ” she asked after an uncomfortable moment.

“I don’t know. I don’t think this is going to work.”

“ _What’s not going to work?_ ”

“This plan of ours. Tracking the shuttle through its company. It’s not going to work.”

Rey frowned. “ _I thought it was a good plan._ ”

“So did I. But... it’s off. It won’t be enough or... _I don’t know_!” he yelled, anger swelling too large for him, swiping at the nearest thing.

He sent his pillow flying across the room. _Pathetic_.

_You’ll never be good enough..._

“ _Finn, you- you’re..._ ”

But Rey trailed off. She didn’t know what to say. Why would she?

Finn dragged his hands over his face, avoiding her.

He wanted to cry. But that was weak.

 _Tears are weak_.

“ _Finn, you’re frustrated. You’re doing everything you can to find him. And he knows that._ ”

“Yeah? Well does he know I _can’t_ find him?”

“ _You need to have faith._ ”

He snorted and turned away again, eyes burning.

That’s when the cabin door slid open. Both him and Rey turned to look at Kaydel.

“Finn there’s- oh, hi Rey.” Kaydel looked back to Finn. “There’s a message. Someone has commed,” she said stiffly. There was an urgent gleam in her eyes.

He glanced at Rey who nodded quickly. “ _Go. I’ll talk to you later._ ”

His holocomm disconnected and he rushed after Kaydel who was heading to the gallery.

The walls were illuminated with a blue glow instead of the usual white lighting. A flickering hologram. The person in it was facing away, kneeling down as they fiddled with something. The hologram stopped flickering as they stood up and turned.

Finn’s breath caught in his throat and he stepped forward.

“Where are you?”

He couldn’t stop himself from asking, unable to hide the desperation in his voice.

“ _Myto sector. You need to come get him._ ”

“How do we know this isn’t a trap?” Penn asked harshly, stepping closer. His helmet was on.

“ _You don’t. Just my word. I want Dameron off this ship_ ,” she replied, looking back at Finn. Her gaze was as clear as it could get in a hologram.

“Are you the one who’s hurting him?”

Everyone’s eyes turned on him. He could feel it.

Avara’s eyebrows shifted. “ _No._ ”

“Why don’t _you_ just bring him?” Kaydel asked sharply. “You want him off your ship, right?”

“ _I’m not interested in being labelled a traitor by the First Order._ ”

Finn couldn’t help but exchange a look with Jannah. It wasn't _that_ bad, he thought sarcastically.

“Where are you comming us from? Won’t you be traced or caught?”

“ _The ship I took from Yavin Four. It had your ship’s communication details._ ”

Finn nodded, holding her gaze for a long moment. “Your word?”

“ _It’s not a trap_ ,” she repeated firmly.

He nodded again. “Ok.”

The comm flickered out. And Finn sat down heavily as the gallery lights brightened back to normal.

“She wasn’t lying,” Penn said quietly after a second.

He was leaning against the wall by the steep stairs that would lead to the cockpit.

“Set course for Myto sector.”

Penn nodded and turned swiftly.

“Beebs, go with him.”

The droid whistled, rushing after the Mandalorian, shooting his wires out to pull himself up the stairs.

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a struggle to write for some reason and I don't really know why but I got it done! Next one will be up soon, you guys know the drill.
> 
> [I've got four exams left, my last one being on the 6th and I am so Done with school. Sigh. Almost there.]


	22. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙑

***

There was no way to tell the time, thanks to being in an unchanging cell and constantly moving in between being awake and unconscious.

Truth be told, he preferred unconsciousness. It passed the time, dulled the pain.

He’d hardly moved since the last time the doors of his cell had opened. When Avara had helped him drink a cup of water. And he had no idea how long ago that had been.

Not even Fera had come. Maybe she was finished with him. Maybe now he could just starve in peace, without her coming in with that repulsive whip.

It hadn’t taken him long to realise he was sick. The way he was prone to shivering, even though his skin constantly felt ablaze.

An infection most like. Not good. If he didn’t get medical treatment soon... anyway it wasn’t like the First Order was used to treating its prisoners.

There were three outcomes his hazy brain had managed to concoct.

The first being that he’d die here, due to Fera.

The second being that he’d die due to the infection.

And the third being his rescue by Finn and the others.

And if he were rescued, would Avara come with them? Would she stay in her post and try to stop the rescue? What if she hurt Finn? What if Finn hurt her? Poe wouldn't leave without her, even if it meant kidnapping her again.

It was the main reason he preferred to be asleep. He wasn’t worried when he was asleep. Blissful ignorance.

The next time he opened his eyes, it was worry again.

He had been expecting Avara to walk into his cell any time now. For water. Or at least the stormtrooper that usually came on her behalf. And sure, he’d been unconscious for the majority of the time but even he could tell it had been a long while since she’d made an appearance.

Why hadn’t she come?

Mignin had seen the cup of water the trooper had brought at first. What if Mignin knew Avara was the one giving him water? What would she do?

He was scared.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a short chapter I almost considered omitting it, but then I figured I'd just post the next one sooner as I usually do. So, keep an eye out for the next one within 24 hours :)


	23. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈

◈◈◈

They had received a message.

Finn had been shaken awake by a firm hand on his shoulder before Penn pulled him up hastily.

An encrypted message, originating from the same place Avara’s holocomm had come from.

BB-8 had swiftly made his way into the center of the gallery that they were all in and yelled at them ‘til they ceased their talking before bossily demanding to be transmitted the message.

It was then they all seemed to realise that the little droid could decrypt it.

‘ _First ten minutes of Primeday. Hangar Two. Cell 314._ ’

Going by the fact they were thirteen hours away from Myto Sector, and next Primeday was just over fifteen hours away, they would most likely be there early.

“Why has she given us a time frame?” Penn asked tetchily as he paced the length of the short room. His blue armour was gleaming more than usual. He must have cleaned it.

“The hangars are ray shielded. We can only enter if they are lowered,” Jannah replied patiently. “I’m guessing she’ll lower them herself or get someone else to do it.”

“And what’s our plan?” he asked, the pacing not slowing.

All of them, except Penn who was glaring at the floor in front of him, glanced at Finn.

“Well, they aren’t going to fall for the same trick again. All we can do is burst in guns blazing.”

Penn looked up at this, eyes glowing.

“We’ll need a distraction while a couple of us get Poe.”

“Only a couple?” Rose asked.

“We’ll need a _good_ diversion,” Jannah said. “The more people causing the distraction, the less likely our real objective will come to light.”

“Penn, I guess you’ll distract?” Kaydel spoke up from where she was sitting close to Rose.

“Actually, I want to go and get Poe,” he responded, the pacing stopping as he turned to look questioningly at Finn. “With Finn,” he added.

BB-8 chirped.

“No, Beebs. You’re gonna stay on the ship, holding a commlink,” he said sternly, getting a low whir in reply.

Finn sighed. “Yeah, ok. Sounds good, Penn.” He looked at Jannah, Rose and Kaydel. “That leaves you three as the diversion.”

The glint in Rose’s eye made him smile.

“What are you thinking?”

“If we make a beeline for the ship’s reactor, you think they’ll panic?” she replied slyly.

Penn chuckled, almost to himself. “Nice.”

Finn raised his eyebrows. “You could. But it is heavily guarded.”

“I think we can manage that,” Jannah said smoothly as Rose and Kaydel leaned their heads together to talk.

◈◈◈

The time passed with hours of sleep and hours unable to sleep.

Rose and Kaydel lounged in the cockpit. Whenever Finn walked past the gallery, Penn was there, diligently fiddling with his vambraces and armour, accompanied by BB-8. Jannah sat nearby with nothing to do than watch them. Finn couldn’t blame her, Penn’s weaponry was incredible. But Finn himself couldn’t sit still.

He commed Rey again, updating her on the new turn of events. She was surprised, but satisfied. There was a vague shadow of a ‘told you so’ look on her face.

Before their holocomm ended, she told him that she would make her way to Ajan Kloss soon. He left his cabin after, spirits lifted with the thought of seeing Rey in person again.

There was more sleeping.

The closer they approached Primeday, the tighter his stomach seemed to coil. He was so close to Poe. Almost there.

◈◈◈

He leaned over Penn’s shoulder as he waited for them to exit hyperspace. They had waited for two hours in a nearby system and were now on their final stretch towards the _Fellfire_. They’d be there in minutes.

Finn was ready. He was armed and his head was clear. Penn was suited up in his armour, and probably armed as much as the rest of them combined.

He could hear Jannah, Rose and Kaydel bustling around on the lower deck, finalising their preparations.

Quickly, in his head, he traced their path from the hangar to the detention sector on the star destroyer. It was clear in his mind, but it was inevitable that there would be obstacles in their way.

“Better get down, we’ll be there in less than a minute.”

Finn thumped Penn’s Beskar-clad shoulder as he turned for the stairs.

They stood by the ramp, hands on their blasters as the jerk of the ship landing jolted through their knees. Seconds later, the ramps began to crack open as Penn appeared at Finn’s side.

“Which way for us?” he muttered.

“We go through the door directly in front, under hangar command. Then we’ll split up in the corridor beyond.”

Jannah gave him a curt nod at that.

No one was shooting at them, though there was a light smattering of troopers and officers in the hangar, looking at them curiously. So they slowly walked down, off the ramp.

The troopers must have gotten orders then, because the air filled with yells and blasters hurriedly turned in their direction, prompting them to run.

“Delayed reaction,” Penn growled from behind Finn.

He had been smart to land the Ember close to the stacks of crates and canisters, giving them cover. The troopers weren’t shooting as they weaved in between the stored fuel. However the second they exited the mass of goods and fuel, bolts burned into the wall next to them.

Finn slowed briefly to draw the fire away from the others, barely flinching as red flashed around him repeatedly. He quickly took out two troopers who were too slow, before glancing ahead to the others. And his eyes widened.

“The control panel!” he yelled.

One trooper was darting to the tiny panel, clearly aiming to close the blast doors that they were running for.

Both Penn and Jannah fired, hitting the trooper square in the chest. Jannah, Rose and Kaydel disappeared through the door, but Penn slid to a halt, turning to look for Finn.

In his moment of distraction, the stormtroopers had managed to creep closer and Finn had to duck violently as a flare seared past his head.

He raised his own blaster but before he could do anything, Penn seemed to just appear in front of him.

Finn hardly saw what happened next.

Black flashed, Penn yelled at him, red flashed, Finn ran, trusting the Mandalorian would be on his heels. He was. Penn destroyed the door panel as they ran through, causing the doors to slam shut behind them.

They slowed, panting. Well, Finn was panting. Penn didn’t appear to be.

“Don’t do that,” the Mandalorian hissed. “Where’s the others?”

The hallway was empty, apart from a trooper lying crumpled a bit further away.

“They would’ve gone already. Come on.”

Finn set the pace at quick jog, Penn right behind him.

“Why haven’t alarms gone off?”

“No idea.”

There weren’t many people in their way. But Finn remained tense. He hated these places. This used to be his whole life before Jakku. Coming back reminded him of his old life. Before he met Poe.

They took out the two troopers standing at the entry of detention with ease, slowing to look at the numbers on the doors. 201, 203, 205...

And that’s when the alarms started blaring. They exchanged a bemused look.

“Finally,” Penn muttered.

They sped up again. As they neared cell 300, there were two more troopers standing at an intersection.

Finn automatically took aim.

But before he could fire, one of the troopers spotted him and did something unexpected. He raised the butt of his rifle as the second trooper noticed Finn and Penn, and swung it hard into the other white helmet before raising his hands.

There was a second of silence, only punctured by the siren.

“Why did the alarms take so long?” Penn asked.

“The system was under scheduled maintenance.”

Finn nodded slowly, still keeping his blaster trained on the trooper.

“Sergeant Jardon posted me here,” he said.

“Where is he?”

“That way, Cell 314.”

He led the way to the door and slotted in an officer’s code cylinder.

Finn had stopped breathing.

The door swished open and he darted in.

Poe was lying on the far side of the room, stomach down. He didn’t open his eyes. Finn sucked in a sharp breath as he crouched down.

Poe’s shirt was soaked in blood and his face was pale, bruised, and shining with sweat.

Finn heard Penn mumble something under his breath behind him.

“Poe? Poe,” he said loudly, gingerly threading fingers through Poe’s hair. The only thing that gave Finn relief was the slow rise and fall of his back.

“Penn, help me-”

But he hadn’t needed to ask. The Mandalorian was already bending down next to Finn, helping roll Poe onto his side.

“Careful, go slow,” Finn muttered.

“Who did this to him?” came a low rumble from Penn’s helmet, directed at the trooper.

“A Captain Mignin,” the trooper said, passing forward a small key for Poe’s cuffs.

Finn had no idea who that was, but fury tightened his chest as he unclipped the heavy binders that left red, chaffed skin behind.

As they pulled Poe into a sitting position, Finn heard a small gasp and felt Poe’s arms shift. His eyes were flickering open. Unfocused, and saturated in fear. Finn gripped the sides of his face.

“Hey, Poe, hey. It’s me, it’s just me.”

It took a second, but he stopped squirming.

“ _Finn_.”

A tiny smile split Poe’s face and Finn couldn’t stop a grin from spreading on his own. He could feel Poe’s relief trickle through him.

“That’s right,” he whispered, nodding, searching Poe’s face. “Ok, we got to stand you up, yeah?”

The smile disappeared, but Poe nodded, blinking, looking more alert.

“Here, wait.”

Finn had almost forgotten about the stormtrooper behind them.

“I’ve got a painkiller that will work for a short time, until you get him to your ship,” he said, stepping forward and holding out a hypo-syringe.

Poe shifted slightly, looking nervous. Penn took the syringe and examined it.

“Listen, I know you really don’t trust me, but if that doesn’t work, you can go ahead and shoot me. But it’s a painkiller, I swear.”

“Give it to me,” Poe rasped. “I trust him.”

“You trust every stormtrooper that says they want to help you, don’t you,” muttered Finn. But he took the syringe from Penn as Poe gave him another smile.

Poe twitched as Finn injected him in the muscle of his shoulder. Then he froze, waiting for some reaction from Poe.

He sighed, some tension seeming to release. “That’s good. That helps.”

“Ok, let’s go,” Penn grunted as they hoisted Poe up between them.

Poe yelped as they stood up and moved for the door, followed by the trooper. Finn gave him a curt nod of thanks.

It was hard to hold Poe up without touching his back, but they managed to manoeuvre him out the door and down the deserted detention hallway. Halfway down, around door 172, Penn swapped places with the trooper, choosing instead to watch their backs. Finn did feel better this way.

Poe seemed to be gaining his feet. The further they moved, the less weight there seemed to be on Finn’s shoulder as Poe managed to stumble along.

“Painkiller working?”

“Uhuh. I can still feel it, but it’s-”

“Dulled?” the trooper interrupted.

“Yeah, thanks. Finn,” Poe said in a lower voice, “we need to get her too.”

“She doesn’t seem to want to come with us, Poe,” Finn replied.

“No, I agree with Poe,” Penn said from behind them, raising his voice to be heard over the blaring alarm. “We have to-”

But his words broke off as they stopped moving.

A figure had appeared in the hallway in front of them.

Finn felt Poe’s hand squeeze his shoulder as something panged in his chest. It took a second to realise it wasn’t his, it was Poe’s. Poe’s fear.

“Ah, shit,” muttered the trooper.

“I take it this person isn’t with us?” Penn said.

“Nope. That’s Mignin.”

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh, another cliffhanger :P  
> That was defo an interesting chapter to write, so I hope it was just as fun to read.   
> Next chapter up in the usual time :)


	24. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙑𝙄

***

“Another Mandalorian!” Fera drawled. “This is exciting.”

Poe instinctively pressed closer to Finn as Penn slowly stepped past them to stand in front.

His back seemed to give an extra painful throb, just at the sight of her.

“ _Another_?”

Penn’s voice was dark. As if he knew _exactly_ what she meant.

The thumps of footsteps indicated of a hoard of stormtroopers. They were coming from Fera’s direction

“Penn, we need to go,” Poe hissed. “Finn?”

But Finn’s eyes were glowing with anger as he stared at Fera over Penn’s shoulder.

“ _No_ , Finn. We need to go,” he whispered again.

“He’s right,” grunted Avara’s trooper from Poe’s other side. “Let’s move.”

They started inching backwards, to the intersecting hallway behind them. But Penn was standing stock still, still facing Fera.

“Penn. You want to get Avara, right?”

Poe’s whisper made no difference.

And the stormtroopers burst around the corner behind Fera.

“Let’s go!” screeched the trooper holding Poe.

“Penn!” Finn yelled as they backed away and turned around the corner.

“I’ll get him,” growled the trooper, ducking out from under Poe’s arm and running back for Penn.

Finn and Poe both wavered, waiting.

And _thank the Maker_ , Penn and the trooper barrelled around the corner second later, running towards them.

The four of them bolted as the stormtroopers’ footsteps followed, accompanied by the occasional red bolt that made them flinch. Until a shout made Poe stumble as he tried to slow down, wrenching his back painfully.

“What?” Finn gasped, the noise harsh in Poe’s ear. He was still under Poe’s arm.

But Poe was focusing on the hallway behind them. Someone was standing in between them and the stormtroopers.

Avara.

The trooper who had been with them, hurtled towards her with another audible “ _shit_.”

She appeared to be ordering the stormtroopers to stop, and they were hesitating. Until Fera pushed through them to the front.

Avara drew her pistol blindingly fast and Penn turned into a blue blur as he also rushed over.

Poe jerked, trying to follow, desperate not to let her out of his sight, but Finn hauled him away as a full-blown fight exploded in the hallway.

“No! Finn, stop!”

He was dragged around a corner and deposited on the floor, against a wall.

“Finn-”

“Stay here!”

“No!” he cried. “Finn, wait! Please!”

But Finn disappeared from view after a dropping a blaster for Poe, leaving him panicking.

He turned onto all fours and moved to push himself to his feet. But he was weak and shaking, and the pain from his back didn’t make it easier. Somehow he made it up, the thought of Finn or Avara or even Penn getting hurt, lending him the strength. He shuffled and crawled his way to the corner Finn had turned around, leaning heavily on the wall.

It was chaos.

Bodies armoured in white littered the corridor. Stray blaster shots were going off from a gun that was grasped in the hands of a fallen stormtrooper, hitting the walls and ceiling, showering sparks.

More stormtroopers were filing in from adjacent hallways. Penn was fighting with a weapon that reminded Poe of a lightsaber, but it was black. Both Avara and Finn were using the same type of weapon, most likely something from a fallen trooper. Fera was nowhere to be seen.

And no one was paying attention to him.

So he edged out from behind his cover and scooted closer, still leaning on the wall, a blaster clutched tightly in his hand.

He watched as Avara staggered from a blow and hit the floor, a black trooper standing over her with a weapon raised. But before Poe could scream or take aim himself, Penn slashed at the trooper and dragged Avara back to her feet.

They were backing away. Poe couldn’t pick out the trooper who had helped them, amongst all the others. And with a start, he realised that some of the troopers were fighting each other too.

He moved even closer.

“Down!” came a yell, Poe recognised as Penn.

He let himself slide down the wall and buried his face into the crook of his elbow.

It was an explosion. Poe felt the heat of it rush over him and it shoved him backwards. If he’d been standing, he would’ve fallen.

He looked back up quickly, picking out Finn, Penn and Avara through the grey haze that Penn’s charge had left. The Mandalorian pushed Avara behind him, towards Poe, but she stopped to let others go first.

“Let’s go!” she yelled, shepherding a few stumbling troopers his way. Then came Finn and lastly Penn with Avara, all sprinting to Poe.

He searched them as they came near. No injuries. Apart from one trooper who was limping.

“Jannah, head back to the ship,” Penn said, clearly on his comm, as Finn slipped back under Poe’s arm. “We’ve got some extra stragglers coming with us I think,” he finished, glancing at the three troopers standing by tensely.

“They’re with me,” Avara muttered, eyes fixed on the corridor beyond. She looked furious. Her face was flushed, and her eyes were burning. “We need to get moving.”

“Where were you this whole time,” Finn asked.

“I was on the other side of the ship trying not to have anything to do with this break-in,” she grumbled. “But Mignin was already suspicious of me.”

“She’ll be waiting for us,” Poe said as Finn and one of the troopers pulled him back up. He clenched his jaw against the pain.

Avara was holding the weapon she had been using, one that Poe recognised as a Z6 baton. Finn had dropped his, in favour of Poe.

“I hope she is,” Penn said, studying his blaster. “I’d like to have a word with her.”

They began to move in a group, sticking to Poe’s pace. Which wasn’t fast.

“Why is no one here?” hissed Penn, clearly bothered by the emptiness of the hallways.

“They’re probably more concerned about the reactor,” Finn replied tersely.

At the front of the group, Avara was walking alongside one of the troopers. Their heads were tilting towards each other, deep in a low conversation.

“Hey, Sergeant,” called Penn from behind Poe.

Avara turned.

“How much longer?”

“Almost there,” she responded. She seemed to do a double-take, staring at Penn for a second, before turning away.

A minute later she turned around again looking at Finn.

“Take him further, down that hall then turn right and-”

“And take the hangar’s side entry,” interrupted Finn. “Got it.”

He began to walk on in the direction she had pointed out, lugging Poe with him who twisted around painfully.

“Where are you going?”

But Avara had already turned away.

“ _Finn_ ,” Poe snapped.

“She’ll be taking the main corridor into the hangar.”

Poe glanced over his shoulder again.

“She’ll be ok, Poe. Penn’s with her, as well as those three troopers. We need to move fast. You are the priority here.”

Poe pursed his lips but said nothing.

Just as they approached the door to the hangar, the alarms shut off abruptly. The silence they left behind made him nervous. They stopped moving just before the door.

“Hey, Beebs?”

Finn had pulled out his commlink and they shifted towards a wall. Poe leaned against it, giving Finn a break from holding him.

There was a responding warble through the comm.

“Yes, I know they’re heading back.”

“Who?” whispered Poe.

“Jannah, Rose and Kaydel. Ok Beebs, we’re- oh I see them!”

The three of them were running towards Poe and Finn, all three looking pleased with themselves and thankfully unhurt.

“Poe!”

He gave them a quick smile in greeting as they slowed to a stop. His limbs were starting to feel heavy again. He just wanted to sink to the floor and close his eyes.

There was a shrill whistle from Beebs through Finn’s comm, and they looked at each other worriedly, smiles disappearing.

“Ok. Poe and I have- yes, he’s alright- we’ve split up from Penn. He’s with Avara and three other troopers.”

Sounds of a firefight overlapped BB-8’s replying beeps and Poe and Jannah shifted closer to the hangar door to peek in.

It looked like there had been stormtroopers waiting there with Fera. As they’d expected. He could see Penn’s dark blue helmet behind a crate.

“Ok, while they’re distracted,” Finn muttered, grabbing Poe again.

“What about them,” Poe said desperately, staring at the spot he thought Avara was hiding behind.

“They’re about to have some help. Rose, take Poe.”

And Jannah, Finn and Kaydel darted out as Rose grasped Poe’s arm, and the three of them sprinted towards the fight.

Poe groaned wordlessly as he watched.

Avara and her three troopers were shooting from behind a fuel canister. And Penn had disappeared. No, not disappeared. He was creeping his way around, aiming to outflank. Heading for Fera.

Rose tugged on his arm, distracting him from watching Penn.

“Come on.”

Cautiously they stepped out and started for the lowered ramp on the _Ember_ , making sure to slip behind any cover they could find. BB-8 was there on the ramp, waiting. Poe’s back continued to throb with every hurried step they took.

Fera’s troopers seemed to realise they no longer had the upper hand. They were outflanked by not only Penn, but now Finn, Jannah and Kaydel too. They were inching backwards, towards a wall.

And Fera herself had been engaged in a ruthless fight with Penn. Poe’s heart jumped and his breathing cut off as he stared.

Penn released a short puff of flames from his vambrace, sending Fera shrieking backwards before he stepped closer. His weapon, which Poe realised actually _was_ a lightsaber, swirled in front of him as he advanced on her.

Poe stumbled suddenly, alerting him to the ramp he was now standing on. BB-8 chirped gleefully but Poe gripped the hydraulics to steady himself and stared, now searching for Finn... _there_! He was standing with Kaydel.

He turned to the ship as if he felt Poe’s eyes on him. Which he probably did. The way was clear. They could make it to the ship. He seemed to realise this and turned to yell at Avara who had just stepped over a fallen trooper’s body.

“Poe, get in!” Rose was trying to pull him up the ramp.

But he shook his head stiffly and just tensed up as Finn, Kaydel and Avara started to head for the ship. One of her troopers was following closely behind.

Poe raised his blaster, searching for something or someone to aim at. He spotted a trooper pointing a gun at Jannah but before he could take aim, another red bolt hit the stormtrooper. Kaydel. So he turned back to look for Penn.

The Mandalorian was now facing the familiar gold electro-whip. The sight of it made Poe feel sick.

The yellow cable was sparking as it coiled around the lightsaber’s dark blade. Penn just extinguished the blade, making the coil drop to the ground. It retracted into the handle, growing shorter as Fera reached back to strike Penn again.

He raised a vambrace but before he could do anything, a blaster shot from a stormtrooper slammed into the temple of his helmet, sending him lurching sideways onto his side. The lightsaber clattered out of his hand.

Poe darted forward on instinct. The lightsaber was barely meters away. He lunged.

In the corner of his eye, Fera turned to him.

And several things happened in the span of a few seconds.

Poe’s hand closed around the lightsaber hilt and he looked up. Both Finn and Avara had slid to a stop behind Fera, staring at him with identical expressions of shock.

Both Poe and Fera reached back. Poe threw the lightsaber. Fera lashed the whip.

The gold cord struck his side as he ducked away, pulling a scream from him as it wound around his forearm and tightened. He saw white as he squeezed his eyes shut. All he could feel was the familiar excruciation as the electricity raged through him.

And then it was over. The pain stopped abruptly. He was left gasping and shaking. Someone grabbed his shirt. He opened his eyes as Penn pulled him upright, vision blurry.

The whip was still coiled around his arm, but the cord was a dull grey, no longer glowing. He shook it off desperately, revulsion filling him. When he looked up, he saw the cord connected to half of the hilt. It had been sliced in half.

Fera was lying on the ground, barely moving. Avara was standing over her, eyes as dark as the blade of the lightsaber she was holding. Finn had a similar expression on his face.

But before they could do anything more, there was a yell.

One of Avara’s troopers was pointing at a doorway and running towards them.

More forces were coming.

“Guys! Come on!”

Rose darted off the ramp as she yelled, heading for Poe. The _Ember_ ’s engines were already on, the increasing hum filling the hangar.

“What about her?” snarled Poe and Penn at the same time, staring at Fera who seemed half-conscious.

“Forget her,” Avara snapped. “Get on the ship.”

Penn obeyed, propping Poe up further with Rose’s help.

Poe was still trembling. It felt like the painkiller he’d been given had worn off completely due to the whip. He leaned heavily onto Penn. Rose was holding his other arm and pulled him into the ship as the Mandalorian let go.

“Finn-” he tried to protest, but Rose cut him off.

“Finn is coming,” she said harshly.

“Who’s in the cockpit?”

“Jannah. Sit here and don’t move.”

When did Jannah get to the ship?

Rose set him on the gallery bench and ran back to the ramp.

He slumped onto the table. His energy was drained.

All the others had to do was run into the ship. That wasn’t hard.

“Jannah! Go!”

He lifted his head at Rose’s cry, and engines’ whirring grew louder. Finn and Kaydel burst in, followed by a trooper and lastly Penn who was gripping Avara’s arm.

The ship lifted roughly, throwing them all off balance.

Avara took this chance to rip her arm out of Penn’s grip and shove him into a wall, snarling something at him. She was pale, breathing hard.

“What happened?” he whispered as Finn kneeled on the bench next to him.

“She was trying to drag one of her troopers to the ship. He was injured, I think. Penn pretty much just picked her up. There was not enough time,” he said quietly as they watched her.

With a pang, Poe realised only one of the three troopers who had helped them had made it.

Jannah jumped down the stairs with a thump, after Penn had gone up, and slipped over to the remaining trooper who was standing against a wall looking severely out of place. She said something to him, and he followed her away with Kaydel and Rose, shooting a glance at his sergeant. Avara didn’t see him.

“Hey,” Finn called carefully, making Avara turn around. “Can you grab that medkit from there?” he asked, pointing at a bulky red bag.

She just nodded stiffly, not meeting their eyes.

“C’mon Poe,” he said softly. “Let’s get you fixed up.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Poe is back with the gang ! Ain't that good?
> 
> [DID YOU GUYS HEAR THE NEWS THAT OSCAR HAS APPARENTLY BEEN CAST AS MARVEL'S MOON KNIGHT????? I AM OVER THE MOON PUN INTENDED WOOOO]


	25. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐈𝐗

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood

◈◈◈

Finn sat Poe on the bed and grabbed a flask on the table nearby.

Poe didn’t bother lifting a hand as Finn held it up for him, letting him drink, cupping his chin. There was some bread he’d brought from the gallery too which he ripped into pieces. Poe munched the food as Finn cut his shirt and carefully eased it off.

Avara had followed them into the room with the medkit and was opening it. Finn glanced at her for a second. She looked up at the same moment, and they stared at each other for a second, before she looked away.

She looked hollow, but she was helping him in the distraction he had offered her anyway.

“Just grab a bacta-wipe. His face and wrists need to be cleaned before he lies down.”

She did as Finn directed, silently ripping a wipe from its packet, and sitting in front of Poe.

Instantly, Finn felt a flare of some flustered feeling from Poe as Avara began carefully dabbing at the cut on his face. But he continued to eat the bread anyway.

Poe kept twitching as Finn pulled on the fabric, and he knew Poe was doing his best to not make any noise.

The shirt had almost glued onto his skin with the dried blood. Some of the cuts started oozing even more as the dark green fabric peeled away.

When the shirt had come away fully, he pulled it off Poe’s shoulders and arms.

He was still just sitting upright, eyes closed. He could’ve been asleep if he wasn’t still blindly grabbing pieces of food off of the plate. It made Finn smile slightly.

Avara pulled away from Poe then, having finished with his wrists, and dropped the dirty wipe into a near corner of the room.

“Lie down, Poe. There should be some a bacta-spray in there,” Finn murmured to her, pointing at the medkit she’d carried in.

Poe lay down on his stomach with a sigh. Finn just gazed at Poe’s back.

It was a mess of cuts and bruises. Not too many of the cuts were very deep, but there were lots of them curling into his skin. Too many.

The sight made him feel sick.

Poe’s scream as Mignin’s whip had caught his arm was still echoing in Finn’s head.

“Here, use another wipe and just mop up any extra blood. Be careful of the cuts.”

Avara nodded and scooted closer, leaning on the edge of the bunk near Poe’s hip.

Finn bent over Poe, brushing his unbruised cheek to check if he was still awake. Poe grunted in reply.

“This is going to sting,” he warned.

And carefully, he squeezed the bacta-spray. It came out in a fine mist, settling on the raw skin.

Poe started shifting under the spray, his breathing quickening and Finn pulled the spray away and gently stroked his hair.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“There might be something to help you sleep, would you like that?” Finn asked Poe.

“No, I- who’s flying the ship?”

Finn rolled eyes. “Penn. You’re in no state to fly, Poe. You need to sleep.”

Poe grunted noncommittally. “But I’m a better pilot.”

Finn glared at the ceiling for a brief second, but he couldn’t stop an exasperated grin.

“Where’s Beebs?” came a low mutter.

“Somewhere.”

Almost on cue, the small droid burst through the doorway so fast he crashed into the edge of the frame and wobbled violently into the room, before righting himself.

Poe lifted his arm and let it hang off the bed and BB-8 zoomed towards it, letting Poe scratch the top of his domed head.

Finn shook his head fondly.

“Here.”

He almost jumped at Avara’s quiet word. He’d almost forgotten she was there. She was holding something out to him. Two small bottles with pills. Sleeping pills in one, and medicine for fever in the other.

“This’ll work. Thanks. Poe, take these two.”

Poe turned his head and Finn placed the first pill against his lips. He swallowed it and grimaced, before taking the other. Luckily, they were tiny enough to be swallowed without water.

“It’s going to put you to sleep, yeah?”

He nodded and closed his eyes again.

They sat there for about a minute, waiting for him to fall asleep. When his breathing deepened, Finn went back to spraying and Avara continued to wipe.

The was a distant call and BB-8 darted off.

They worked in silence.

Finn was halfway through another coat of the bacta-spray when she spoke.

“You used to be in the First Order.”

He hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. FN-2187,” he replied, glancing up.

She raised her eyebrows. “A stormtrooper?”

He nodded again. “Poe and I sort of rescued each other, three years ago. He’d been brought in as a prisoner, and I was looking for a way out. I needed a pilot.”

“Why did you want to leave?”

Finn pursed his lips. “They ordered me to fire on unarmed civilians. Twice.” He shook his head. “I didn't. I’m Finn, by the way,” he added suddenly, realising he hadn’t introduced himself.

She tilted her head. “Finn. From FN?”

“Poe’s idea. He yelled it at me as we fled in a TIE. He’s crazy.”

She looked up sharply. “From the _Finalizer_. An escaped prisoner helped by a traitor stormtrooper. I remember that. It was the talk of the week. Until the whole Hosnian system thing of course,” she added softly.

Unease swirled in him. He’d forgotten how Kaydel and Rose had told him that Avara had been on the _Finalizer_ at the same time as him and Poe. And Poe still didn’t know.

But he nodded, putting his thoughts aside. “I was there for that. That whole strip of events. Hosnian, Takodana, then Starkiller and D'Qar’s evacuation to Crait.”

She studied him curiously. “You joined the Resistance.”

He didn’t know where the urge came from, but he almost replied with a ‘so did _you_.’

Instead, he just smiled and went back to spraying.

“So it’s true then.”

“What?”

“Dameron told me about a battle on a planet Exegol?”

“The First Order is gone,” Finn confirmed. “I was there for that too. As were everyone else on this ship, actually.”

She seemed to mull this information over in her head for the next minute.

“The man in blue,” she said suddenly, “Where did he get that armour?”

Something nervously excited swelled in Finn at the question.

“Why?” he asked, almost cautiously.

She just shook her head with a small frown. “Mignin had similar armour, though she didn’t use it much.” She looked down at her hands. They were smeared with blood. “I’m gonna go wash my hands,” she muttered, slipping out of the room, leaving Finn standing there, feeling a certain disturbed apprehension at her words.

◈◈◈

It was sometime around then, in the hours after tending to Poe, where Finn decided he trusted Avara. Or Jardon, technically.

He found himself mulling her over, almost discussing with himself as he moved around the ship for various reasons.

Despite being a First Order officer, she didn't treat her stormtroopers like they were expendable, unlike many other officers Finn had encountered before.

The way _three_ troopers had followed her lead and betrayed everything they knew to help her.

You didn’t get that loyalty easily. Not in the Order.

He’d seen the way she had run back and attempted to pull an injured trooper onto the ship. The First Order didn’t make officers like that.

Finn knew it firsthand. Once, during his own training as a stormtrooper cadet, he was admonished for helping another soldier in a drill.

All this being said without even mentioning that she helped them rescue Poe.

Yeah. He trusted her.

He walked past the gallery then, and spotted the trooper eating at the table. Finn still hadn’t talked with him.

The trooper seemed to stiffen self-consciously as he walked in.

The man had the standard-length, black, spiky hair with a pair of large, warm angular eyes and a pointed face.

“So what’s your name then?” Finn asked, settling down at the gallery table across from the trooper.

He had removed all his armour and was just wearing regular clothes, some that Jannah must have given him.

The trooper gave Finn a hesitant smile. “The others called me Skipper.”

“I’m Finn.”

Skipper nodded. “Jannah told me that you and her used to be stormtroopers,” he said awkwardly, after a second.

Finn had been about to nod when a loud “ _What_?” sounded from the cockpit.

There was a thump and Penn jumped off the stairs, landing spryly and fixed a startled glare on Finn who had whipped around.

“You’re a _stormtrooper_?”

“Is that a problem?” Finn asked shortly, hiding his discomfort.

“That you didn’t tell me?” Penn snapped back. “Yeah.”

Finn relaxed. “I wasn’t sure how you’d take it, that’s all.”

He scoffed and was about to walk off towards the cabins before doubling back. “You said Jannah was one too?”

“Yep.”

He nodded thoughtfully and walked off.

Finn narrowed his eyes at the spot the Mandalorian had disappeared from, before turning back to Skipper.

“So when did you meet Jardon?”

“Uh, more than a year ago. We got transferred to the _Fellfire_ at the same time.”

“And then became friends?”

Skipper shifted nervously. Finn knew why. The First Order dictated that there be no personal relationships between anyone.

“You’re no longer with them,” Finn said gently. “Relax. No one here is going to send you for reprogramming.”

Skipper flushed slightly. “Right. No, yeah, we became friends. Or well, she was my commanding officer. She looked out for me and the others.” His face shadowed at his last sentence.

“I’m sorry about your two friends.”

Skipper shrugged nonchalantly but the shadow stayed in his eyes. “I didn’t know them long. But yeah. I guess you could call them friends.”

Finn gave him a small smile. He understood.

“So after you left the Order, what did you do?”

“Well, I joined the Resistance. I didn’t want to, at first. I was trying to run. Y’know, to get as far away from the Order as I could, because I was so sure they’d hunt me down.”

Skipper had leaned in, eyes just slightly wider than usual.

“But they were occupied with other things at the time. I got tangled up with the Resistance, first with Poe and then Poe’s droid, BB-8. He’s the little orange and white droid.”

Skipper smiled slightly and nodded. “We’ve met.”

“And I ended up with the Resistance just like that.”

“And they trusted you?”

Finn gave him another tiny smile. “I mean, yes, mostly. The Resistance’s general trusted me, and everyone had faith in her.”

“Let’s be real, no one can’t _not_ trust him with that face,” came a sly input from the door.

Finn rolled his eyes as he turned around to grin at Kaydel.

BB-8 followed her in with an amused whistle and beep.

Kaydel laughed and Finn gaped at the droid.

“I’m sorry, Jess used to call me what? A human version of _you_?”

“Oh, _Maker_. I forgot about that,” Kaydel snorted, still giggling.

“How could _I_ be a human version of Beebs?”

Finn could hear Skipper chuckling behind him.

“Well back then we didn’t know you well. All we knew was that you pretty much imprinted on Poe and that he clearly adored you back. Thus, human BeeBee.”

He gave her a grumpy look and she smirked again.

“Oh don’t worry, you’ve developed a lot since then.”

He rolled his eyes at Skipper this time, and the ex-trooper scoffed lightly. He was looking much less tense now than when Finn had first sat down.

“Oh, I actually came in to tell you that our Sergeant is moping around in the cargo-hold,” Kaydel said in a slightly quieter tone.

Finn exchanged a look with Skipper as they both moved to get up.

“I’ll go,” Finn said quickly, to a vaguely relieved looking Skipper who sat back down.

He heard Kaydel continue talking to the new ex-trooper as he left the room.

Sure enough when he poked his head into the large room, he heard quiet footsteps and saw the top of Avara’s head moving back and forth as she paced behind a row of crates.

She looked up as he stepped in.

“Hey,” he said. “You ok?”

She just nodded stonily as if trying to ignore him, but her pacing slowed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she muttered.

He raised his eyebrows.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, her voice going hard as she started to get annoyed.

“Will whatever you’re so obviously worried about affect any of us?”

Avara stopped moving. “Depends.”

“On?”

She shot him another mutinous glare, staying silent.

He could feel her anxiety. He focused on it trying to see if he could distinguish it more.

Fear. She was scared too. And guilt had tinged the mix when he brought up the question of how this might affect anyone else.

“Mignin,” he said suddenly. “Is it her?”

The surprise she was too slow to hide confirmed it.

“You think she’ll come after us?”

But Avara just stared at him suspiciously.

“How did you know?”

“I-” But he broke off and shook his head slightly. “I’ll explain later. Do you think-”

But she had taken a step backwards. “You’re a Force-user.”

She had gone completely still, but Finn could feel panic rising in the air between them.

“It’s ok, I’m not that strong with it. I can barely move a feather if I tried.”

“But you can read minds.”

“No actually. I just feel emotions. Nothing more.”

The panic lessened, but she remained physically tense.

She was scared of the Force? But why would she- _oh_.

“You’ve had a run-in with Kylo Ren, haven’t you?”

She clenched her jaw.

“I get it. He almost killed me two years ago. He was the one who was interrogating Poe before I rescued him.” Finn shook his head. “I wouldn’t abuse my abilities like that. Nor would any of my friends,” he added suddenly, thinking of Rey.

Apparently, he was reassuring enough. She relaxed slowly and gave him a tiny nod.

“Have you eaten anything?”

“No.”

He jerked his head, behind him and led her to the gallery where Kaydel and Skipper still were.

“Why do you think Mignin would come after us?”

Avara swallowed her mouthful before speaking. “She’s always disliked me, I don’t know why. I know she’d find it satisfying to find me and wreck things,” she said, sounding bitter. “And then she obviously has some history with Poe. So, double satisfaction for her.”

Finn exchanged a thoughtful look with Kaydel.

“The second we get to base, send a message to our contacts in the Republic and alert them of the _Fellfire_ ’s location,” he said to her.

But she frowned. “The star destroyer would have jumped away from Myto by now,” Kaydel replied.

“Fuel was running low,” Avara said. “I don’t know how low, but if it was low enough, they wouldn’t have jumped anywhere.”

“Let’s hope that’s the case.”

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG YOU GUYS  
> OUR FAV MANDO IS BACK ON DISNEY PLUS. I WANT TO CRY I JUST WATCHED THE EPISODE PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT IT


	26. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐗

◈◈◈

The rest of the journey to Ajan Kloss passed uneventfully.

Penn, Jannah and Rose woke up, and those who were awake slept through the last four hours of the flight, including Finn.

It was the tell-tale jerks of the ship landing that roused him. When he opened his eyes and glanced sideways towards Poe on the bunk across, he found Poe wide awake.

“Were you watching me sleep?” he asked playfully as he sat up and swung his legs off the bunk.

“Best view I’ve had in a few days,” came the groggy reply, making Finn smile.

“You been awake for long?”

“Maybe ten minutes?”

“You think you can get up?”

“Let’s try.”

Finn helped him roll back onto his side. Poe’s face screwed up, but again he made no noise as Finn slowly pulled him into a sitting position. They paused there, Poe panting slightly.

He was still pale, and when Finn pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, it was still abnormally hot.

A surge of something protectively terrified seared through Finn and he scooted closer, pulling Poe into his chest tightly.

He got a soft hum from Poe as he threaded his fingers through his hair.

“Kriff, Poe,” he choked out before he could hold it back. “I was so scared, I thought-”

“You were always gonna find me, Finn,” came a muffled mumble from Finn’s chest.

He just let his head rest on Poe’s.

Their cabin door slid open and he glanced over his shoulder, not bothering to let go of Poe.

It was just Penn.

“Need any help moving this one?” he asked, indicating to Poe.

“Uh, yeah. I think so,” Finn replied, voice still slightly strained from the conversation.

Together they carefully stood Poe up and slowly walked him off the ship, heading for the _Tantive_.

BB-8 rolled in front of them as if clearing their path, even though it was already clear. R2-D2 rumbled down the _Tantive_ ’s ramp as they clambered up, and whistled a cheerful greeting, followed by D-O.

Poe stayed relatively silent and when Finn glanced at him, his eyes were often closed, just blindly relying on Penn and Finn to guide him. His stint aboard the Fellfire had left him weak. Finn could feel his arms trembling with the effort of holding himself up on Finn’s shoulder.

They went straight for the ship’s medbay and hoisted Poe up onto the nearest bed. Unsurprisingly, Kaydel and Rose were already there, switching on the machinery in the room.

Though it seemed that was all they knew how to do, once the medical machines came on, they stepped back and glanced at each other.

Finn looked at them desperately. “No one here knows how to use this stuff? Penn?”

But the Mandalorian shook his head too.

“The medical droid still needs to be fixed,” Rose mumbled, looking guilty.

It wasn’t until Jannah walked in, followed by Avara and Skipper, that they got the machines sorted, thanks to the trooper. Apparently, he had worked in the _Fellfire_ ’s sickbay before.

Despite this, Finn sent a message to the doctor that had served with them under Leia, Doctor Kalonia, requesting her to come back to Ajan Kloss to keep an eye on Poe. It wasn’t that Poe wouldn’t heal without her, it was plainly the fact that Kalonia, like Leia, had had the ability to keep Poe in check.

She had lightly grumbled to Finn in her replying message, but even in the hologram, he could see the warm glint in her eyes as she told him she would come when she found a way to get there. And Finn had the great idea of telling her he’d tell Rey to pick her up as they were both coming.

Ending the holocomm with Rey, in high spirits, he slipped back to the medbay feeling much more content.

By the next day, it seemed that medbay had become their regular spot to relax much to the frustration of the newly repaired med-droid, thanks to Penn and Rose.

And Avara remained her quiet, reserved self. She would join them, quite often, but she would also disappear off by herself for periods of time.

Weirdly, D-O seemed to follow her around a lot. Every time she walked into medbay, Poe would perk up and stare at her for a few seconds, as if waiting to see some recognition on her face before deflating and looking downcast.

“In time, Poe,” Finn whispered to him after one such occurrence. “She’s not going to suddenly turn into who she used to be.”

Poe had just nodded silently before loudly declaring that Jannah and Penn should be the only ones cooking the meals from now on with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. Finn had internally groaned.

Jannah had had the reputation of being able to make delicious food ever since after Exegol, but now Penn had ended up in the same situation.

When asked about it, he just bashfully replied with “I spent a lot of time in the communal kitchens when I was young. Stealing snacks and such.”

And finally, Rey arrived two days later.

Finn had been sleeping in medbay when R2 came hurtling in noisily at midnight to tell them the _Falcon_ had just landed outside.

Poe, determined to go out and meet Rey, shuffled out with Finn.

But instead of seeing a smiling, expectant Rey heading towards them, they found Penn, in full armour, challenging Rey as they stood near the _Falcon_.

Rey caught sight of them and gestured to Penn wildly. “Tell this idiot I’m a friend!”

Poe burst into a peal of laughter that ended with him wincing as his back clearly started to hurt. Finn set him down on a crate and walked closer.

“Penn, she’s ok. She’s our best friend.”

Only then did Penn seem to back off. He pulled his helmet off, looking annoyed.

Poe just continued to laugh in the background as Finn squeezed Rey into a hug.

“How was the trip?”

“The usual,” she said offhandedly, but she was beaming at him. Then she leaned over to look past him at Poe. “How is he?”

Finn followed her gaze, watching as Penn sat down next to Poe.

“Oh, he’s way better.”

“And what’s she like?” Rey asked curiously, clearly asking about Avara.

“She’s ok. Distant, though I can’t blame her. Oh, I will warn you, she doesn’t seem fond of the Force.”

Rey frowned.

“Something to do with Ren and mind-reading I think.”

Her face clouded at the mention of Kylo Ren, but she nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Finn! It’s good to see you,” came a call from the _Falcon_.

Doctor Kalonia was ambling down the ramp with bags in her hands, smiling.

“Hey, Doctor!” He darted to her quickly, grabbing her bags. “How have you been?”

“Oh, same old me. I feel like I’ve been on holiday for a year!”

The Doctor had served General Organa for decades, ultimately following her to the Resistance. She had then finally left service after Exegol as many others had.

Finn grinned as he watched her look around fondly at their surroundings.

“It hasn’t changed, has it?”

“Everything has been exactly the same since everyone left.”

She took a long, deep breath and nodded looking satisfied. “History happened here,” she said. “I hope it never changes.”

Finn shared a soft smile with her.

“Oi! Doc, what are _you_ doing here?”

Poe had spotted Kalonia and had a mixture of betrayal and delight on his face. The betrayal, no doubt for Finn.

“You called her, didn’t you?” he asked balefully. “I’m about to be babysat even more, aren’t I?”

Finn just grinned again as Rey rolled her eyes from Poe’s side.

“You watch your tongue young man,” Kalonia replied sternly.

Kaydel, Rose and Jannah appeared then, with the droids. BB-8 shrieked as he sped to Rey. She bent down to affectionately brush a hand over his antenna before hugging the others.

As they all headed back to the _Tantive_ , Penn leaned towards Finn and muttered.

“Is that a lightsaber on her belt?”

“Yes. You can practice with her, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind,” Finn whispered back, growing amused at the Mandalorian’s miffed look.

“ _Jetii_ ,” Penn grumbled under his breath.

◈◈◈

“Ok, so I called you two here just to give you the briefing.”

Kalonia and Rey were sitting in front of him. They were the only ones in the room besides him. Breakfast had just finished in the medbay.

“Rey, you know more of what’s going on. Doc, I’ll explain everything to you now. Do you remember, maybe about three years ago on D’Qar, Poe coming back from a long mission?”

Kalonia frowned then nodded. “He had just come back from Ord Mantell,” she said, remembering.

“Exactly. You would have treated him.”

“Yes. He... he wasn’t well. If I remember correctly, his mission partner hadn’t made it.”

“He lost his partner, yes,” Finn began. “But she didn’t die. Sergeant Jardon, the defected First Order officer I introduced to you earlier? She is Poe’s old partner.”

Kalonia’s eyes widened. “She left the Resistance for the First Order?”

“No. Not willingly, at least. We don’t know how, but her memories were wiped or suppressed. Her name was Avara Djarin, a Mandalorian. That’s why Penn is here.”

Rey nodded then, understanding.

Kalonia frowned again. “I haven’t dealt with a case like this before. Memory loss... it can be caused _naturally_ by intense trauma, but this is different because the erasure or suppression of the memories was done on purpose, like you said.”

Finn nodded. “Yeah, that’s what we think. After Poe and Avara were separated on Ord Mantell, we have no idea what happened to her. But Poe is sure torture was involved.”

Kalonia shook her head to herself, looking extremely troubled.

“We also know that the person that did _this_ to Poe,” he continued, referring to Poe’s recent injuries, “is the same person he and Avara encountered _on_ Ord Mantell itself.”

Rey’s eyebrows flicked up. “Wait, what? So you’re saying that Avara has been working in the First Order under her original torturer this whole time?”

“Yeah.”

Rey glanced away, a similarly bothered expression on her face. “That’s sick,” she muttered. “And Avara has no idea because-”

“Her memories. Yeah. Avara also seems to think that Fera Mignin, who is the torturer, might follow us. Or try to cause more trouble. Poe told me Avara was responsible for her brother’s death.”

“So Mignin hates Avara.”

“And Poe, it seems. Yeah,” Finn sighed.

“So what do we do?” Kalonia asked after a moment of heavy silence.

“I think we should try thinking of ways to retrieve Avara’s memories. The sooner we can do that, the better, right?” Rey asked.

Kalonia hummed thoughtfully. “One thing I would be concerned about... you said she was tortured. If we bring back her memories, we don’t only bring back her old life, but we also bring back whatever trauma and abuse she suffered too.”

Finn pursed his lips. “I guess, in the end, it’ll be her choice.”

Kalonia nodded. “I don’t believe the usual methods for trauma-based memory loss will work here, as you believe it was deliberately caused. We need to know _how_ her memories were disrupted first.”

Finn nodded.

“You told me she’s afraid of the Force,” Rey began suddenly. “Could it be that? Be- a Force-user altered her memories?”

“I thought of that, which is why I wanted you here,” Finn replied.

He heard what she had almost said.

“Is there a way we could capture this Mignin person?” Kalonia asked. “She would surely know everything that happened to Avara.”

“The Republic has been notified of the star destroyer’s whereabouts,” Finn said. “If they find it and attack, they will bring in as many of the crew alive as they can.”

“You should tell them that Mignin should be a priority to capture.”

“I think that’s risky,” Finn said quietly at Rey’s suggestion. “They will ask why and when we tell them about Avara, they will take her into their custody too. They won’t care about memories or anything. She’ll be tried and executed as a First Order official.”

“I suppose. If her mind _was_ disrupted by the Force, I would be able to tell. But I don’t think she’ll trust me to dig into her mind either.”

“No, I don’t think so. We’ll figure that out when we get there.”

The door opened then, making them all jump a bit. But it was just BB-8.

He beeped inquisitively, rolling around them.

“We’re just talking about Avara.”

The droid stopped and whistled mournfully.

“Oh, you knew her too Beebs?” Rey asked.

Beebs chirped affirmatively and promptly displayed a hologram.

It showed Poe, younger Poe, sitting across a table from Avara. She was in armour similar to Penn’s and seemed to be cleaning a rifle. Her hair was longer too.

The hologram wasn’t moving like the last time Beebs had shown them Avara. This was just a still image.

It held their gazes for a long moment before they turned to look at each other seriously.

“I’m going to hazard a guess, and say that Poe fell for her,” Kalonia said, glancing at Finn.

“How did you know?”

Kalonia sighed. “Our Poe has always been someone with a lot of love to give. Hasn’t he?”

Both Rey and Finn smiled.

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando'a:  
> Jetii - Jedi (simple lol)
> 
> That second last line, Oscar Isaac actually said it.  
> “Poe’s got a lot of love to give” is the actual quote :)
> 
> Also just an extra FYI: I am not a Kylo/Ben Solo apologist, so take that as you will.


	27. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙑𝙄𝙄

***

Poe hardly saw Avara around. He was pretty much confined to medbay, and she only ever came in for meals when everyone else was there.

The one exception was the night after Rey and Doc arrived. He was all alone, about to sleep. The lights were dim to match the darkness outside, and Finn, who had been sleeping with Poe in medbay, wasn’t yet there for the night.

Movement flickered in the corner of his eyes and he lifted his head to look to the doorway. Avara was hesitating at the door. He shifted more to face her, and she crept in.

“I wasn’t sure if you were awake.”

“I’m awake.” He gestured to one of the chairs near his bed. His heart started to pound.

“What’s wrong?”

Her face was cast into shadow, but his eyes were adjusted well enough to recognise the look on her face.

“If you’re going to apologise, there’s no point,” he said quickly, as she opened her mouth. “I don’t blame you for taking me to the _Fellfire_. It was your duty,” he said with a light shrug. “Plus, you helped get me out of there anyway. You risked your life to keep me safe.”

She just looked away, anger flickering over her face for some reason.

“You don’t owe me anything,” he added firmly.

She met his gaze, piercing him with her own. “Why did you take me from the _Fellfire_?”

He looked away.

“There’s something you’re not telling me. I’d like to know what it is,” she said quietly. “I’m not stupid. I see how you look at me. You and Penn both.”

It rose to his lips, almost bubbling out.

_your name is Avara Djarin you’re a Mandalorian but the First Order took you and erased your memories so you can’t remember anything you have a father and a brother that you love you used to be my partner please please remember me I beg you_

But all he said was, “I can’t tell you.”

She looked away. “I was used to the First Order not telling me things. I thought, maybe when I came here, I’d get some truth.”

He paused. “Truth about what?”

She fixed him with that sharp look again, leaning forward in her chair slightly. “Why I can’t remember anything before two years ago. And I know- _I know_ you know something.”

It seemed to take a lot of her effort to say it. She sat back and looked away. Her fists were trembling, clenched in her lap.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It’s complicated.”

Avara nodded, still not looking at him. “Yeah,” she said sourly.

She stood up, thumped something onto the bed-side table, and left.

Poe stared at the object she had put down. It was his knife. The one she had taken when she escaped the _Ember_.

He rolled onto his side and curled up as much as his back allowed, squeezing his eyes shut and asking for sleep before Finn came in for the night.

***

Halfway through the next day, Kalonia finally cleared Poe to leave the medbay. He was now allowed to go wherever he wanted.

His back still throbbed, but he just had to be careful not to pull the skin, and show up to get his usual bacta applied every day. And the scabs that had formed on the cut that ran over his lips were starting to flake off.

He had just slid off his bed and was stretching his legs when Finn walked in, an amused gleam in his eyes.

“Rey and Penn are this close to having a full-on duel,” he said, holding his fingers apart a few millimetres

Poe grinned. “What did he do?”

“He ate the last jogan after she said she wanted it.”

“Oh,” Poe groaned, “no one comes between Rey and her food!”

Finn sniggered before going mockingly serious. “I’m the one who’s responsible for keeping the base intact while these two are here though.”

Poe chuckled. “Tough. Where is everyone?”

“Cave-mouth I think. You can finally leave medbay, so let’s go find them.”

He wished he hadn’t gone to find the others.

As Finn said, they were all at the mouth of the large cavern that sheltered the Resistance base. And they were all watching Avara and Penn. Because they were sparring.

Penn had removed all his armour, Poe could see the blue Beskar piled on the edge of the training clearing. It was weird to see him not wearing it.

Both Penn and Avara had short, arm-length metal pipes in their hands.

Both of them, flushed skin, narrowed eyes. But while Penn had a look of hard concentration on his face, Avara was radiating anger. And Poe knew why.

“Sarge finally seems to have met her match.”

Poe jumped as Skipper suddenly spoke from next to him. “Huh?”

“Hardly anyone could beat her in close range fighting on the _Fellfire_ ,” the trooper explained.

“She’s really good,” Finn mumbled. “They both are.”

But when Poe glanced at him, he was frowning.

Penn was backing away with wide eyes, on the defensive as he blocked her strikes, the metal pipes ringing as they struck each other. Avara was attacking with brutal fury, and Penn was clearly getting overwhelmed. But she wasn’t slowing. She didn’t even stop when his pipe was thrown from his hand.

Her pipe slammed into the side of Penn’s face, dropping him to his knees, and her hand raised again to deliver another blow.

Finn stiffened next to Poe, jerking forward as if to intervene.

But Avara froze, going still for a second, hand wavering, before lowering her pipe.

She turned away and dropped her pipe, breathing hard as Penn slowly got up, cupping his face.

Everyone was staring in shock. She had gone too far.

“Poe,” Finn whispered, “why is she so angry?”

Poe just shook his head, remaining silent as guilt churned in his stomach.

They all watched as she stalked away without meeting anyone’s eyes, walking out of the cave.

***

Penn found him hours later.

“You talked with her, didn’t you? That’s why she was upset. You didn’t tell her anything, did you?”

“No. That’s why.”

The Mandalorian nodded, looking bothered. His face had a purple, pipe-shaped bruise. The skin had split on his cheekbone, right under his tattoo. He had put thin med-tape on it.

“I was talking with Din this morning. He wants her back on Mandalore.”

Poe jerked his head up, eyes wide. “What? No.”

“It’s her home, Poe. And he’s her father.”

“Penn, _she_ doesn’t know that! We can’t take her there and be like ‘This is actually where you grew up! Oh, and by the way you have a father who you don’t remember.’ Do you know how much that’ll mess her up?” Poe hissed.

“Well, she has to come home at some point! She can’t stay here forever.”

“After we get her memories back,” Poe replied, dismissively looking away.

“Oh yeah, and how are you doing that?” Penn sneered. “I don’t see you having any ideas on how to get her memories back!”

“Either keep your voices down or shut the kriffing door,” snapped a voice from the doorway.

They glanced over to see Kaydel.

Poe just slumped back in his chair and rubbed his eyes frustratedly as his back twinged painfully.

***

Dinner was a tense ordeal. Avara, Penn and Poe were all mutinously silent, and everyone else was shooting worried looks at the three of them while trying to carry conversations that none of them seemed particularly interested in.

Poe was the first to leave the table, not finishing his food. He could feel everyone’s eyes burn into his back as he walked off, BB-8 following him.

Not Avara though. Or Penn. He knew they wouldn’t bother watching him leave.

“Beebs,” he said softly, once they were in the quiet hallway that led to the _Tantive_ ’s barracks. “I need you to keep an eye on her, yeah? Don’t let her out of your sight. Get Artoo or Dee-Oh to help you if you need.”

The droid gave him an anxious whistle.

“I don’t care, just do it.”

BB-8 obediently turned to head back to the mess, leaving Poe alone.

He just made his way to the reactor room and settled down against the warm wall.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My exams are done!! I finished yesterday. I literally have nothing that I have to do now and the feeling is crazy. I'm loving it.  
> Yesterday's mando ep was terrifying, I had to skip that whole scene. But the opening scene was 👌.
> 
> I hope you guys are all well. Hopefully you're not stressing out about the election as much as I am (I'm fucking Australian lol). But things are looking good at least.


	28. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙑𝙄𝙄𝙄

***

The next day, Avara didn’t show for breakfast.

Poe tried to calm himself, making excuses for her. She probably just needed her space. She wasn’t exactly happy with Poe at that point in time, it wasn’t unusual if she wanted to avoid him.

But it stung. He _wanted_ to tell her, but he couldn’t.

Penn and Rey still were constantly at each other’s throats. Poe liked to think it was because Penn was trying to live up to that old Jedi-Mando rivalry. According to Artoo, historically the Jedi and the Mandalorians had never gotten along.

Sometime after breakfast, Poe watched Penn, Jannah, Skipper and Finn do some sparring together. It was mostly Penn showing the other three his style of fighting.

Rey joined them later but instead just sat with Poe to watch.

“Think it’s a bad idea to join in with the Mando here?” he muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

Rey scowled making him chuckle.

“You think you could beat him, lightsaber to lightsaber? Tell me now if you can and I’ll make my bets accordingly.”

She smirked. “Do I get a cut?”

“Depends.”

She grinned. “I know I’d be able to beat him.”

“Well, you have got an unfair advantage with the Force. And he knows that.”

“Yeah but how much would he know about the Force?”

“You’d be surprised. Avara’s brother is Force-sensitive.”

Rey jerked her head to him, eyes gleaming excitedly. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah. He’s like... seventy years old, I think? He’s adopted,” he added quickly, to the confusion on Rey’s face. “Adopted, and of a species that ages really slowly. Like Chewie. He’s still pretty much a baby.”

She nodded understandingly. “Oh. That’s interesting. I’d love to meet him.”

“Someday, maybe. If this whole _Avara_ thing goes well enough,” he muttered.

“Finn told me she’s afraid of the Force.”

Poe glanced at Rey, raising his eyebrows. “What? When? She wasn’t afraid before. Obviously, because of her brother. So that means it’s new. Something from the Order.”

Rey pursed her lips. “Finn thinks it has to do with... with Ben.”

Poe couldn’t stop the anger from seeping onto his face before he looked away. He could feel the tension generate in the air between them.

This was a touchy subject for Rey. He had held it back before when it was still fresh. But now he had to speak. It had to come out.

“Listen, I know you believe he was good in the end,” he growled, knowing that Rey was about speak. “I don’t know _what_ happened with you two on Exegol, I don’t know why you started calling him Ben Solo instead of Kylo Ren, but before he _turned good_ , he hurt a lot of people. He hurt Finn, he hurt me. He killed his own _father_ , for kriff’s sake. And now it looks like he hurt Avara too.”

It was spilling out of Poe like a water dam that had cracked and burst. He had been wanting to say this for a _long_ time.

“I _know_ you say he turned good,” he continued heatedly, looking Rey in the eye. “But that doesn’t excuse all the bad things he did. All the people he hurt. You may see him as Ben Solo. You may have cared for him. But to me, he will _always_ be Kylo Ren.”

Rey looked like she had been slapped. But she said nothing. She just nodded mutely, staring at the soft dirt below their feet.

And Poe turned to look at Finn, frowning suddenly.

He was already staring at Poe and Rey questioningly. He must have noticed Rey’s face. Or it was the kriffing emotions as usual.

Poe stood up walked over to where Penn was showing the others the various ways he gripped his knife.

“She told you she knew Ren?”

Something shifted on Finn’s face and he nodded, looking wary.

The others stopped what they were doing and shifted their focus, hearing Poe’s stiff tone.

“How did she know him?”

Poe already knew the answer. He could see it on Finn’s face.

“I guess you’re talking about _Kylo_ Ren?” Skipper interrupted softly, glancing between Finn and Poe hesitantly.

Poe nodded.

“Well, Sergeant had told me she was on the _Finalizer_ before the _Fellfire_. The _Finalizer_ was Kylo Ren’s flagship...” he trailed off at the look on Poe’s face.

“She was on the _Finalizer_ ,” Poe echoed, nodding almost to himself, still staring at Finn who was looking like he desperately wanted to say something, but didn’t know what.

Poe turned and walked off in the loud silence, his stomach twisting painfully.

In the corner of his eye, he could see that Rey was no longer sitting where he had left her.

Had Finn known Jardon this whole time? Finn had known that Poe had been on the same ship Avara had been on two years ago, however brief. And Finn hadn’t told him... why? Because he thought Poe was too fragile to handle it?

By the time Poe stepped into the trees beyond, fury was clouding him. He could feel it's heat in his face.

He slammed the heel of his palm into the solid trunk of a tree, the jarring shock of the action satisfying him. He did it again, harder, and this time a jolt stung his back. He twitched, wincing at the pain, and just leaned forward, resting his forehead against the rough bark, and closing his eyes.

How could Finn not tell him? Finn was always truthful, always forthcoming. Especially with him.

And Avara... she had been so _close_ , and he hadn’t known. Too late. Too _kriffing_ late. On the same _ship_. If only he had seen her that day when he’d been captured. It seemed too cruel to be real.

Poe clenched his fists and inhaled deeply, before releasing it slowly and opening his eyes. He stepped back from the tree, distractedly staring at the bark to see if he had somehow damaged it.

There was a swish and a thunk, and Poe jumped backwards, eyes wide as he stared at the knife that was buried into the tree's side, it's handle quivering slightly. 

He turned his head just in time to see Avara throw another, aiming for the same tree.

He flinched instinctively, stepping back again as the second blade found its mark a several inches below the first.

She was just a few meters away. He hadn’t heard her nearby. But then she’d always been quiet.

She threw a third knife, and this time he didn’t flinch as it stuck in between the first and second blade. It was a knife from the kitchen. The bright red plastoid handle that Finn had dubbed the fruit-knife. She’d have to put it back.

“What was the tantrum about?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, and the impressed comment he’d had prepared to make about her knife-throwing vanished instantly.

“Aren’t you supposed to be avoiding me?” he replied harshly, annoyed that she’d seen him lose his temper.

“I was here first. I wasn’t going to slink away just cause _you_ came along.”

She yanked the three knives out of the tree and turned on her heel, walking further into the jungle.

He stared after her for a second. “Where are you going?”

“I’m avoiding you, aren’t I?”

He clenched his jaw, hoping she could feel his glare on her back.

“You told Finn you knew Ren.”

Avara froze, then whirled around. “I didn’t _know_ him. I met him. Once.”

“What did he do?”

She gave him a sharp look. “You know what he did,” she said after a second.

“But why? You were one of _them_.”

She just shrugged a shoulder and continued on her path away from him.

“You’re slinking away!” he yelled to her back.

She ignored this.

He just watched as her figure melted away between the trees.

Her response had been nonchalant, unconcerned, but he knew the mention of Ren had put her on edge.

***

Poe had swooped past the kitchens before lunch to grab food early. He didn’t want to sit at the table and eat with the others, not after his conversation with Rey, and certainly not after Finn.

He found Penn and Jannah there, of course.

Grabbing all the food he wanted, he left quickly, but not before realising that Jannah’s eyes were sparkling, and Penn’s cheeks were lightly tinged pink.

He gave the Mandalorian a wink as he left the stuffy room, receiving a vicious glare and in return.

Feeling vaguely lighter after the run into the kitchen, he made his way up to the reactor and sat down to eat in the dimly lit room.

There was a chime and blue and red lights flickered on as Artoo powered himself up in the corner.

“Oh, hey Artoo.”

The droid beeped warmly and rolled closer to Poe with a whistle.

“That’s good,” Poe said, smiling slightly. “Thanks.”

Artoo chirped inquisitively.

“I don’t know. She’s just... not around much. She’s avoiding me, and I just wanted to keep tabs on her. Is that wrong?” he asked the old droid suddenly, looking up at the droid’s lens.

Artoo hummed and Poe deflated.

“I know it is, I’m just worried. Maybe I’ll tell Beebs to stop following her,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead. “If she found out, she’d be even more pissed.”

He started on his lukewarm food as Artoo decided to go into another one of his stories for Poe’s benefit.

This one consisted of a time when the starfighter Artoo had been in, crashed. The pilot had been rescued but Artoo had been found by a scavenger and sold to the other side, the Separatists, for information on the Republic.

Poe listened, intrigued, as the pilot the droid had been flying with returned to rescue Artoo and took down a Separatist outpost.

“This master of yours, he actually went _back_ to rescue you? Not many people would do that for a droid,” Poe said wistfully. “He sounds nice. Who was he?”

Artoo whistled and the mouthful of food that Poe had been lifting to his mouth paused.

“ _Skywalker_? But, would that be Leia’s... _father_?”

The droid hummed dryly.

“So this was before he became the Sith, huh?” He raised his eyebrows for a second. “Shit,” he muttered, almost to himself. “How did it all go so wrong?”

Artoo didn’t reply.

***

Poe spent the rest of the day just moping around and staying out of everyone’s path. He didn’t see Avara, but he hoped that she had eaten lunch with the others instead of being alone.

He did the same with dinner. He holed up in the reactor again and ate. He was just picking up his two plates, the one from lunch and the new one from dinner when the door opened.

“Poe? What’s going on?”

“Hi Rose.”

“What’s wrong?”

Poe glared at the ceiling for a second. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Finn told me you found out that Avara was on the _Finalizer_.”

Poe narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me _you_ knew too.”

“I told him to tell you,” she said defensively. “But that’s not what matters right now.”

He scoffed. “Yes. The person I trust the most didn’t tell me something he knew I’d find important. And that doesn’t matter,” he said bitterly.

“He didn’t want you to feel any more guilt than what you were feeling already,” Rose said gently.

“It wasn’t his decision to make,” Poe said flatly. “He doesn’t get to be the gatekeeper on what I know and don’t know. Especially when it relates to me.”

She nodded. “I know. He just wants to talk to you.”

“Well, I just want to sleep right now. I’ll talk tomorrow.”

It was spiteful, he knew, making Finn wait like that. But it satisfied him to do it anyway.

Rose pursed her lips, but she just nodded and stepped out of the room before pausing to speak again.

“Oh, Kalonia told me to tell you that she wants to check your back in the morning.”

Poe jerked his chin. “Right, thanks.”

***

He ended up back in the medbay for the night, rather than his shared room with Finn, dozing off quickly enough despite the mild guilt at being so petty.

It was the familiar beeping that woke him up.

“What? What is it?” he croaked sleepily, turning his head to squint at BB-8’s flashing lens.

The small droid beeped urgently, his body shuddering in his desperation to alert Poe of his matter.

He sat more upright, his blanket falling off his chest, suddenly fully awake. “She’s what? _Leaving_?”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, shit is about to go down!
> 
> [the events Artoo describes for Poe are in episodes 6&7 of season 1 of The Clone Wars]


	29. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙄𝙓

***

Poe rushed after BB-8 after hurriedly pulling his boots on. The droid was leading him to the ships on the landing strip.

It was drizzling heavily, the droplets ice cold. It had always confused him; the rain on Ajan Kloss was always freezing despite the warm climate. It soaked through his thin shirt and by the time they stopped at the edge of the clearing to the ships, he was shivering.

Sure enough, the _Ember_ ’s lights were on, and the ramp was open. There was no sign of Avara though, she was probably already in the ship. Which meant he didn’t have much time.

He considered his options as he swiped a fat trickle of water away from his eye.

“Beebs, you need to stay here. You need to tell Finn and the others what’s happened.”

The droid trilled anxiously, his noise almost lost in the pattering of the rain.

“Yeah, I’m going. Wait half an hour before you wake Finn up, ok? Quick, give me a tracker.”

There was a deep whir from Beebs, machinery moving inside his body before a panel opened and offered a small metal disk, roughly half the size of Poe’s palm. The _Ember_ ’s engines were powering up with a low hum.

He took it quickly and patted the droid. “I’ll see you soon, ok?” he said, softening his tone. “Don’t worry.”

Slipping the tracker into a pocket, he darted for the ship’s ramp, boots sloshing through the puddles.

The second he stepped onto the ramp, he slowed down, keeping his steps light. If she heard him, she would throw him off the ship and leave without him.

Just in case this did happen, he slotted BB-8’s tracker under the gallery table before silently retreating to his old cabin.

He stripped off his wet clothes and hastily wrapped himself in a thick blanket, still shivering. But instead of staying in his cabin, he stole off to the engineering room to listen to the hum of the engines.

The ship lurched and rose. If he listened carefully, he would hear when the ship entered hyperspace. So he sat on the floor, leaning against the wall, waiting for the tell-tale sounds.

And sure enough, he heard the whine of the ion drive powering down, while the main hyperdrive started to vibrate gently, its lights flickering rapidly.

The ship jolted, and they were in hyperspace. She was stuck with him now.

It was then he noticed the trail of wet muddy patches on the floor. A trail that led to him.

He jumped to his feet and darted into the room that Penn used. If Avara was going to find him, let her find him fully dressed at least. Penn had left some clothes still there, as Poe had expected. He quickly grabbed pants that were frustratingly too long for him before reaching for a shirt.

And the door slammed open.

There was a beat of silence in which they just stared at each other, him frozen with an arm outstretched as he reached for the black shirt.

“What the _hell_ , Dameron?”

It took him a second to figure out his reply.

“Next time, I’ll make sure _not_ to leave a trail of mud through the ship?”

Her jaw clenched and Poe sighed, suddenly regretting his decision to be a smart-ass.

“Gallery,” she growled. “ _Now_.”

He pursed his lips and moved for the door.

“Put a shirt on first,” she snapped.

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

He scoffed, almost laughing as he turned around to grab the shirt. He followed her to the kitchen as he pulled it on stiffly.

“Why were you trying to sneak off in the middle of the night? You can’t just take a ship without telling anyone.”

“I told someone.”

He narrowed his eyes after a second. “Yeah, _Skipper_ doesn’t count. Where are we going?” he asked, sitting down on the bench as she paced the room.

“You mean, where am _I_ going?”

“I’m coming with you now, whether you like it or not.”

“You’re messing everything up,” she said in a low voice. “You shouldn’t have followed me.”

“What’s going on?” he repeated, suddenly wary of her change in tone. “Where are we going?”

“Ord Mantell.”

His insides froze. “What?”

She frowned. She could probably see the look on his face. “You’ve been there before?”

Blood was pounding in his ears. “You’re going to meet Fera.”

She shifted back, suddenly looking defensive.

“Why? Why are you meeting her?”

Avara was still staring at him with a confused frown. “Ok,” she said decisively. “ _You’re_ going to stay on the ship.”

He blinked. “No. No, I’m staying with you.” It tumbled from his lips, almost as if automatic.

Her eyes narrowed. “No, you’re staying on the _ship_.”

“No. No kriffing way,” he muttered, responding to her hard voice with his own. “ _Why_ are you meeting with her?” he cried as she turned away with a noise that sounded like a groan.

“That’s none of your business.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Listen,” she hissed, spinning around leaning over the gallery table, “ _you_ had your chance to tell me what you know about me. And you didn’t.”

He recoiled. “You’re going because you want to know about your past?” he asked.

Avara looked away and went back to pacing. “I need to know.”

“You couldn’t have asked her this before? When you were _both_ on the Fellfire, maybe? Why are you suddenly so curious _now_?”

She didn’t respond.

“You won’t be able to trust whatever she tells you,” he said quietly. “You know that, right? She’ll lie.”

Avara glanced at him. “She’ll tell me _something_. That’s better than what you did.”

He buried his face into a hand for a second. “She’s expecting you alone?”

“Naturally,” she replied scornfully.

“What, have you been communicating with her this whole time?”

She said nothing.

He felt sick. “You can’t meet with her,” he whispered. “She’ll take you.”

He almost added ‘again’ onto the end of his sentence.

“Like I said, _you_ won’t have to see her. You’re staying on the ship.”

Poe stared at her. She thought he was scared.

He was, but not in the way she thought.

“And like _I_ said,” he began slowly, “I’m staying with you.”

“Do you even have a blaster?”

He opened his mouth to reply, then clamped it shut, feeling disgruntled. He did _not_ have a blaster.

She shook her head at him with a look that sorely reminded him of Leia before heading for the cockpit ladder.

With nothing else to do, he just followed her up a couple minutes later. Slipping into the chair next to hers, he glanced over out of the corner of his eye to see she was glaring at him.

“Of all the places on the ship, you have to sit there?”

“Hey, the cockpit is _my_ place.”

She didn’t bother replying, just looking away with some exasperated expression.

“How long until we reach?” he asked quietly.

“About nine hours.”

He nodded, watching the lights of hyperspace. It was hypnotising and familiar. Soothing.

“Where’s the meeting? The city?”

“I’ve got coordinates, but I don’t think it’s in the city.”

“The meeting is beyond city limits?”

“I think so.”

He nodded, his throat tightening. He was going back to Ord Mantell. With Avara. It was wrong, it was so wrong.

It wasn’t evident when exactly, but his eyelids eventually slipped shut, and he fell into an uneasy sleep.

***

Poe twitched as he woke, confused as to where he was for a second.

Ship. Avara. Ord Mantell.

They were still in hyperspace.

He automatically looked to his side to find Avara still sitting next to him.

Her eyes were closed, head resting against the back of the chair, legs stretched out in front of her. He couldn’t tell if she was sleeping.

“Why are you staring at me?”

He jerked his head away. She was not sleeping.

“I wasn’t,” he muttered, shooting her an annoyed look. “You’re _lucky_. If _I_ could knock you out and hijack the ship, I _would_ ,” he grunted.

A corner of her mouth twitched up. With a pang, he realised it was the closest thing to a smile Jardon had ever given him so far.

It was disarming.

“How long have I been sleeping?” he asked as he rolled his neck out.

“Six hours, give or take.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, even though her eyes were still unconcernedly closed.

“And you’ve been sitting here the whole time?”

“I can’t leave you alone in the cockpit. You just said you’d hijack the ship if you could.”

“Fair.”

They fell into a surprisingly comfortable silence for the next few minutes.

“You’ve been to Ord Mantell before.”

He studied a switch on the dashboard in front of him. “Yeah. It’s where I met Fera and her brother.”

“Her brother?”

“He’s dead.”

She opened her eyes and turned slightly to look at him. “ _You_ killed him?”

“My partner. She did it because she already knew she was going to die,” he said bitterly. “Fera was going to kill me in retaliation, but then...” His voice broke off and he swallowed thickly. His chest muscles were stiffening in an effort to stop himself from shivering.

“She killed your partner? That’s what she said on the _Fellfire_.”

He didn’t respond immediately. “From what Fera told me on the star destroyer, my partner took months to die. It wasn’t fast.”

She didn’t respond, but he could see she was still studying him.

He watched how the switch on the dashboard repeatedly flickered from blue to orange. He didn’t know why he was telling her.

“So what did _they_ tell you happened, with the memories stuff?” he asked quickly, trying to change the subject. “Why did you lose your memories?”

“Some attack,” she said shortly. “Something went wrong, I don’t know. I have no idea.”

“You don’t know? You were in the Order before the attack?”

She nodded, but he knew better.

“But you don’t remember a single thing from before? Not even your homeworld?”

“Nothing. But my homeworld is Coruscant,” she added. “I’ve seen it on my file.”

When he looked at her, she was staring straight ahead, her face impassive and tinged blue from the hyperspace lights.

“And you think _I_ know something?” he asked slowly.

“You _do_ know something. Why won’t you tell me?”

There was an edge to her voice, but he couldn’t blame her.

“Eventually, I don’t think I’ll have to tell you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Poe shook his head slightly to himself, trying to formulate his point. “I just- I don’t think you’re going to find out through _me_.”

“What, you expecting I’m going to _magically_ remember everything all by myself?”

“I don’t know how, but I have faith it’ll work out,” he said, looking at her, suddenly feeling that he was sounding a lot like Finn.

She didn’t say anything, but there was a mildly skeptical glint in her eyes.

“Just... don’t listen to Fera. She _will_ lie.”

Her eyes flicked to meet his. “Then you tell me what’s true.”

He gave her a curt nod before looking away. He didn’t know how much of that he’d be able to do.

***

She let him land the _Ember_ in the docking bay.

The Ord Mantell City still looked the same. Faded blue roofs and beige buildings that increased in height the closer to the palace you went. From what he remembered, last time they had landed it had been in a docking bay on the west side of the city.

This time they were south, but much closer to the center which was marked by the palace buildings.

“So what’s the plan?” he asked, dread creeping up his spine.

“Figure out the path to the city gates and meet Mignin at the coordinates she sent.”

“You have thought about how this could be a trap?”

“Of course.”

“What if she takes us both back to the _Fellfire_? You’ll be executed as a traitor.”

“I have a feeling if she wants me dead, she’s not going to go with a simple execution.”

Poe clenched his jaw. “That’s _worse_.”

“Maybe.”

He rubbed his temples before standing up.

Rummaging quickly through the various belongings left behind on the ship, he found two ratty hooded cloaks and tossed one to her as they walked to the ramp. He also found some credits.

“Here,” she said as the hydraulics whined. She was holding out a blaster.

He took it after a second and tucked it into the rolled-up waistband of Penn’s pants. “You’ve got one for yourself, right?”

She rolled her eyes. “If I only had one blaster, I wouldn’t be giving it to you.”

“Thanks, that’s nice of you,” he replied sarcastically, drawing his hood up.

“The coordinates are west from our position,” she said glancing up at the sky from under her hood.

He followed her gaze, noting the position of the bluish sun in the sky.

“Which means that way,” he muttered, pointing towards their left.

Their placement relative to the palace, the towering building at the center of the city, showed him north.

She nodded.

They walked side by side when they could, but the dirt streets were crowded.

He felt tense, walking these dusty paths again. He kept his eyes open, looking for anything that seemed familiar.

And with a jolt, he noticed a small doorway with a familiar sign. It wasn’t in a language he knew, but he _had_ seen that sign before.

“Gimme a minute,” he muttered to her before walking closer. He stopped outside a shuttered window and peered in.

It was a small cantina. There was a male Twi’lek minding the counter, but Poe waited. And sure enough, a young female Twi’lek with light blue skin walked into the room, holding a few bottles and cups that she distributed along the table.

“What is it?”

Avara was standing at his shoulder. She seemed to be stretching up on the tips of her toes to look through the window too.

“Nothing,” he said softly. “Just been here before.”

“Ok. Let’s go then.”

He nodded, taking a last look at the tiny cantina. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty excited for these next few chapters. There's one that is more than 8k words at the moment (I'm not even done with it). For me, that's a real long chapter ;)
> 
> AND THAT EPISODE  
> FUCK ME
> 
> AS A CLONE WARS FAN I LOST MY GODDAMN MIND


	30. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐗𝐈

◈◈◈

“What? Slow down, slow down! What’s happened?”

BB-8 had just woken Finn up.

The tiny viewports of the quarters offered no light; it was the middle of the night.

For a split second, he’d wondered where Poe was as he wasn’t next to Finn on the bed. Then he remembered their fight. Poe had chosen to sleep in medbay.

Before the droid could continue, the door opened and Rey walked in, followed by Jannah, both of them looking like they’d been rudely jerked out of peaceful slumber.

“What’s going on?”

They must have heard the racket.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” he replied irritably. “Beebs just woke me up.”

The droid beeped and whistled hurriedly, getting the message across.

Finn froze and looked at Rey and Jannah. Something horrified was creeping into his chest, making it tight.

Jannah recovered first. “How long ago did they leave?” she asked sharply.

The droid chirped.

“Where are they going?”

He chirped again.

“Beebs, wake the others up, _everyone_ , and meet in the briefing room,” he managed to say.

Penn was the first to get there. Somehow, he was already in his armour. Did he sleep in his armour?

“What’s the problem? Where’s Poe?”

Finn just leaned his head into his hands. Jannah replied instead.

“Just wait for the others, then we’ll explain.”

One after the other, the rest of them came in, along with Artoo who had somehow caught wind of the meeting.

As they all gathered around Finn noticed Skipper was looking mildly guilty, and he rounded on him.

“Did you know?”

“She told me she was going,” Skipper mumbled.

“ _What_?” yelped Penn, looking between them. “Avara’s gone?”

“And it looks like Poe followed her,” Rey said. “He has a tracker with him though. We can follow, but we can’t be sure of where they’re going until they exit hyperspace.”

“Who’s Avara?” Skipper asked, looking at Penn with a frown.

“Don’t worry about that,” Kaydel said quickly. “If we see their trajectory, we might be able to predict where they’re going.”

“Beebs, show us.”

The small droid tilted back and his holoprojector switched on. It showed the galaxy with Ajan Kloss in the Outer Rim and a pulsing red dot that was the tracker.

“Show us all the major star systems ahead of the trajectory from here to the tracker.”

BB-8 zoomed in, a list popping up with the names of the planets.

They all saw it at the same time.

“Well, that’s not good,” Rose muttered, putting into words what they were all thinking.

“What is it?” Skipper asked, glancing at them.

“The Bright Jewel system. Ord Mantell is located there,” Kalonia said in the beat of silence that followed.

“What are we waiting for?” Penn snapped. “Let’s go!”

“Wait,” Finn said suddenly, before turning back to Skipper. “Why is Jardon going there?”

“She was contacted by Captain Mignin two days ago,” he said quietly. “She thinks Mignin knows something about before she lost her memories.”

“ _Mignin_?” Rose and Penn both gasped, looking at Finn.

Kalonia seemed to go pale as she sat down in a chair, and Finn let his eyes flutter shut.

_Shit_.

“And you didn’t think to _tell_ us?” Kaydel hissed.

“Why would it have been your business?” Skipper snapped back. “This is between her and Mignin. I promised I wouldn’t say anything until she was gone.”

“Thing is, Poe is there too now,” Finn said, keeping his anger in control. It was hard with all the high emotions running around him. “It is no longer just between Mignin and Jardon.”

Skipper nodded, looking away for a second. “It was her intention to go alone and to let you follow if you felt the need. I have the coordinates she got from Mignin.”

“Ok, _now_ can we go?” Penn snapped.

◈◈◈

They took the _Falcon_. Kalonia, Rose and Kaydel stayed behind.

By BB-8’s measurements, they would reach approximately forty-five minutes after Poe and Avara.

Finn knew it was too late. They all did.

Penn had taken it upon himself to be Rey’s co-pilot and the petty squabbling that echoed from the cockpit seemed to ease the tension on the ship. But Finn was still stiff with worry.

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major stuff happening next chapter as you might've hoped or expected! This was a short one so I'll put the next one up sooner.
> 
> PS: I'm currently at a beach house a few hours away from my usual hovel!! I'm with like 16 friends in one house and we're all crazy :) Posted this from my phone hotspot, you guys are lucky there's a good data connection here.


	31. 𝙋𝙤𝙚 𝙓𝙓

***

Poe felt heavier after seeing the old cantina. Seeing the Twi’lek. What was her name? It came to him after a second.

 _Jevi_.

The old mission, it felt like it had happened a lifetime ago. But it had only been three years. So much had changed.

The crowds of people on the streets were disappearing, the further west they walked. It started getting colder as the sun lowered and he found his muscles going rigid so he wouldn’t start shivering.

He stayed by Avara’s side, his eyes automatically flicking across the path, looking for anything that might be of importance. He could feel his legs getting tired. He still hadn’t got back to his usual fitness after being on the _Fellfire_.

And finally, they came upon a large dark brown gate in the city walls. A few city guards stood around the doorway. There was a sign there, but again, Poe couldn’t read the language.

“We have to pay a toll to exit the city,” she muttered. “You have credits?”

“A few. Should be enough.”

“I’m going to bet Mignin will be alerted of anyone who uses the gate today.”

They paused, glancing at each other as their walk slowed to a stop.

“Fake names?”

She looked amused at his suggestion. Another slight smile.

He clung to the sight of it.

“I don’t know if that’ll work but it’ll have to do. If they ask.”

“I’ll use Finn Connix, you use Jannah Paige.”

“Sure.”

They sauntered up to one of the guards who took their fee and unlocked a small door in the gate to let them through.

He hadn’t bothered with names. He hadn’t even thought to glance at their faces.

“That’s sad,” Poe whispered as the gate closed behind them. “I was looking forward to being Finn Connix.”

Avara scoffed as she looked around. He followed her gaze.

The landscape was rocky with a light smattering of hills and spindly trees. The sun was in front of them, casting a pale light on the scene.

“The coordinates indicate it’s over there,” she said, pointing to a clump of straggly trees on the right, that was just big enough to be considered a small forest. “Tail me from a distance,” she said, looking at him. “If she doesn’t know you’re here, it’ll be better for both of us.”

Poe pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Ok. Don’t try to shake me,” he warned.

She just rolled her eyes slightly before heading off. He watched her, feeling apprehensive.

“Be careful!”

The only indication that she had heard him was a small flick of her wrist.

He waited for a couple of minutes until he was just starting to lose sight of her, before continuing in her footsteps.

But when he reached the edge of the trees, he paused. She had vanished from sight. Cursing under his breath, he looked around wildly, searching for some sign of her path as he cautiously ventured in.

Something moved in his vision and he twitched, his keen eyes picking out what had shifted, blaster raising.

It was just her cloak. She had tossed it over a branch, and it was waving in the light breeze. So he walked in its direction, keeping his ears open, holding his blaster under his cloak.

The ground underfoot was littered with dead leaves and twigs. It was hard to take a step without making a frustrating crunching noise. But he managed, slowing down.

And finally, Poe heard voices. He crouched down, heart pounding.

They were standing in a small clearing, facing each other. Talking. He couldn’t hear what was being said so he crept forward, exceedingly slowly, until he could listen, staying behind a bush. There was a breeze rustling the trees, masking whatever sounds he might have made.

He could see Fera. She was wearing some bulky looking coat.

He could shoot her right there. It would all be over in a second. It would be so easy.

“...wouldn’t tell you anything. It’s in his best interests to keep you in the dark.”

“Somehow, I don’t think that’s the case,” Avara’s cold voice replied.

“Everyone you knew died in that attack. Everyone you loved, wiped away.”

Poe shifted, leaning to the side to see Avara. He couldn’t see her face, she was turned away from him slightly, but she was tense. Her hand was resting on her holster.

“Are you actually going to tell me anything or was this just a trap so you could bring me in?”

Fera’s eyebrows raised appraisingly. “You still haven’t figured out who was responsible,” she said slowly.

Her tone made Poe’s hand tighten on his blaster.

“It was the Resistance, Jardon.”

Poe froze.

“That’s a lie.”

“It was Poe Dameron’s fault.”

“You’re lying.”

His breath halted in his chest.

“Ask him when you see him next. He’s the reason you can’t remember anything. He’s guilty. I know you’ve seen it on his face.”

Avara didn’t reply.

“Oh. Oh _dear_ ,” Fera drawled mockingly, her voice growing louder. “He’s here, isn’t he?”

He pushed himself to his feet and stood up, fingers still curled tightly around his blaster, and they both glanced at him as he noisily pushed past a branch and stepped into the clearing.

Fera looked like she was hiding a smile while Avara’s face had drained of colour.

“Tell her you’re not guilty, Poe. Go on.”

He stared at her before looking to Avara.

He opened his mouth but said nothing. He couldn’t lie.

His old partner was waiting, waiting for him to say that it wasn’t his fault, but he couldn’t do that.

Poe just shook his head as shame bubbled up in him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Avara flinched. She was staring at him, almost transfixed. Her blaster was in her hand.

“I didn’t know- I didn’t know that you were alive.” He looked away. His feet were rooted to the ground.

“It was your fault?”

He couldn’t look at her.

“Answer me!”

He looked at Fera instead. She had a sort of wild glint in her eyes.

Fury surged, and he jerked his blaster up, aiming at her, on the verge of squeezing the trigger. But he paused at Avara’s shout.

“Don’t move!”

He let his eyes flick to Avara. She was pointing her blaster at him now. Her hand was trembling, but her eyes were hard.

There was a crashing, crunching noise, and someone burst into the clearing.

“Stop! You- I won’t let you shoot him!” Finn yelled. He had blood trickling down the side of his face.

Panic twisted in Poe as Finn shifted closer, aiming his blaster at Avara.

“Finn, no! _Don’t_!”

“No!” Fera yelled, pulling her own gun, and pointing it at Finn. “Be quiet!”

Poe sucked in a sharp, panicked breath at the sight.

“ _Listen_ to me,” Finn hissed, ignoring Fera’s blaster and making Avara glance at him for a split second. “Poe would _never_ hurt you. He never did, ok?”

“Stop talking,” Fera snarled.

Poe’s finger was starting to curl around his trigger, his hand shaking at the thought of Fera taking Finn from him as well.

He wouldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t- he _couldn’t_ -

“You were his partner! He loved you!”

Everything seemed to go silent, everything seemed to freeze. The wind seemed to halt too.

And they all moved.

Poe fired.

Two other shots joined his and flung Fera backwards. Avara and Finn.

But the First Order captain had fired too.

Poe gasped. He started towards Finn who was looking down, checking his chest, patting himself. But there was nothing there. And so they both turned to Avara who was holding a hand over her ribcage.

They reached her at the same time, just as her knees hit the ground.

Poe grabbed her desperately, holding her upright as his hand covered hers over her wound.

It was like Avara hadn’t registered it yet. Her face was passive, almost curious. She seemed to be concentrating on something Poe couldn’t see. Then she looked at up him with a small frown.

“I’m a bit confused,” she murmured.

Poe stared back, gazing at the green specks in the brown. “I won’t be able to explain if you die,” he said, his voice weirdly steady, despite the heightening fear. “Don’t die on me, Princess.”

He was shaking. She just held his gaze.

“Help me lift her,” Finn gasped, and Poe helped him heave Avara up into his arms.

Of course Fera would.

Avara had killed her brother. Of course she’d return the favour.

They had just got to their feet when they noticed two people running at them. Poe lifted his blaster on instinct before recognising the blue armour and Jannah.

Penn gave a small distraught cry at the sight of Avara in Finn’s arms.

“She’s been shot.” Finn’s voice sounded unsteady.

“Get her out of here,” Jannah said sharply.

Penn just scooped Avara out of Finn’s arms and ran.

Avara’s hand pulled out of Poe’s grasp and for a second, he leaned towards her, reaching for it again. But all he could do was watch her head droop back, over Penn’s arm.

“Where’s Rey?” Finn asked Jannah.

His hand was gripping Poe’s, almost tight enough to bruise.

“Here!” came a yell. There was a similar crashing noise and Poe assumed she had run through a bush, like Finn. “What’s happened?”

“Ship,” Finn just grunted, before pulling Poe into motion, towards Penn’s disappearing figure.

But he dug his heels in, tearing his gaze away from Penn. Something was wrong.

“Fera.”

Finn frowned. “We shot her, Poe. Three of us. She’s dead.”

But Poe turned around and walked to the crumpled body on the far side of the clearing. And he bent down and pulled at the stupid coat Fera was wearing, opening the front.

He just saw a flash, a glint of silver, before the body twisted under him, dragging him down into the ground and pinning him there.

Someone screamed and there was a sound of blasters, and the weight disappeared off of him with a whooshing noise.

Poe was yanked to his feet by Jannah as he saw Rey with her yellow lightsaber and Finn holding Fera at blaster point.

The First Order captain was looking furious as she struggled to her feet, clutching her arm and shuffling away. Rey had thrown her into a tree.

“You’re coming with us,” Finn snarled.

Poe had never seen him this furious before. Rage was burning in his dark eyes.

“Move, _now_ , or I’ll shoot your other arm. Go on! _Move_!”

Reluctantly, she started to stumble in the direction Finn was indicating.

Poe just watched her blankly, hardly taking in the vicious look she sent his way.

Rey and Jannah took over from Finn, herding Fera off into the trees, the yellow lightsaber still humming threateningly.

And Finn, once again holding his hand, started to pull him after them.

Poe felt sluggish. Like he wasn’t really there, that this wasn’t happening to him. He let himself be guided through the trees and up the ramp of the _Falcon_.

And he stopped abruptly, pulling Finn to a halt. He didn’t want to go into the gallery, he didn’t want to see-

Finn wrapped his arms around Poe, holding him tightly, scooping him closer.

And he buried his head into Finn’s neck and sobbed. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh damnnnnn yes I did that.
> 
> [ I'm back home from my trip!   
> Yesterday's episode was pretty neat but I'm most excited for next week's.  
> The next chapter might take a few days to get stuck up on here as it's the really long one and I'm still working on it. But I think it'll be worth the wait ;)
> 
> hope everyone is well!  
> \- Iye ]


	32. 𝙰𝚕𝚝𝚊 𝙸

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ✧ Alta's POV ✧

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, brief mention of self-harm.
> 
> [This chapter is long (11k), and has quite a few choppy time jumps so be ready for that.]

✧✧✧

Captain Mignin had always sickened her. Her callousness with others, officers and troopers alike, had always led Alta to avoid her. Something harshly unpleasant always squirmed in her chest when Mignin was around.

But Mignin always found a way to be near. Her eyes constantly tracking Alta wherever she went.

When Alta was transferred off the _Finalizer_ , she thought she’d be able to get away from the Falleen woman. But Mignin had just followed her to the _Fellfire_. It was as if she had made it her life’s goal to plague Alta.

And the frustrating thing was that she didn’t even know why. Why Mignin was so fixated on her. It was obvious it had something to do from before the accident. Or attack, or whatever it was.

She had woken up in the infirmary of the Finalizer more than two years ago with no recollection of anything.

They’d explained, or more accurately, brushed over how there had been an attack and that Alta had suffered life-threatening injuries as a result. But they’d never given her details. When she'd searched for the files of the event, she had found them classified. Redacted. So she just accepted it and moved on.

Constantly under Mignin’s watch.

It didn’t take Alta long to realise Mignin hated her for seemingly no reason. But she was of a higher rank, so Alta couldn’t do anything but bear it and attempt to stay out of the Captain’s way.

But then Dameron ended up in her clutches, a prisoner of the First Order. And Alta had realised Mignin hated him just as much, if not more. And she knew Mignin would kill him. Eventually, at least.

Alta couldn’t let that happen. She hadn’t brought Poe there to be killed, just contained. She didn’t know why she cared. Maybe because he had helped her. Maybe because she had seen the way he had looked at her. With something gentle, something _knowing_ in his eyes.

✧✧✧

The first time, he’d rushed around the corner and she had seen him as just a shocked, helmetless stormtrooper, accompanied by another captain.

Some warning flicked on in her mind. Something deep.

It hit her barely a second later. Alta had _never_ seen this trooper before. Or this captain. But the so-called captain had been ready and had stunned her before she could do anything else.

But the warning in her brain still didn’t switch off. It was... _something_. It frustrated her. As if she knew she had forgotten to do something but couldn’t remember what.

✧✧✧

She had jerked awake with a gasp on a thin mattress in a tiny, shabby room, heart pounding as she remembered that the _Fellfire_ had been infiltrated.

Too late. Her hands were cuffed and there was a foreign white and orange BB unit droid staring at her from by the room’s door. It just stood there, it’s lens whirring as it repeatedly focused on her, before releasing a loud, low beep.

A minute later, _he_ walked in. The helmetless trooper, except he was no longer in the white armour. His face was clear, but his eyes were hesitant. Worried.

He was polite. Considerate, really. The last thing she had expected from a rebel. The First Order had always portrayed them to be pure scum, merely a band of terrorists.

The rebel’s kindness made her curious. That, and the warning, that inkling in her mind that still hadn’t subdued.

Her instincts told her that he was not a danger. Though she couldn’t stop herself from stiffening whenever he walked in.

The cuffs were light and not very tight, but they seemed to grow heavier, constricting as the minutes passed. Some sort of violent desperation was swelling in her, something she’d never felt before. She needed those cuffs off.

A few hours later, after he had brought her water and food, she was proved right.

The first fact about this rebel; he wasn’t a danger.

It had been easy to take his knife and blaster, even with her hands bound. He was a fool for not expecting it.

And then she had seen the pleading look he had sent his other comrades or friends as she held him at knifepoint. He had _let_ her take him hostage. It might have been a better idea for her to just push him away and jump into the pod without him. But the curiosity had lingered, and she dragged him in after her.

He seemed to know something that she didn’t or was at least _pretending_ to know something important. It aggravated her.

Exegol, he said. It didn’t ring a bell.

But she then let him stand up to pilot the pod, not that _she_ couldn’t, she knew the basics of flying. But it was easier to keep the blaster on him.

The second they stepped out onto Yavin IV’s surface, that need rose in her again. The cuffs. They were suffocating.

She tried removing them without the key, even though she knew he had it. But he had interrupted her.

At first, she thought he was going for the blaster she had put down. She scooped the gun up on pure instinct, and for the first time, she saw a fear flash on his face.

But he had only stopped her because he saw the blood. The cuffs had pushed into her skin, but she had barely cared. Anyway, they hadn’t cut too deep.

She was thrown the key to the cuffs and she unlocked them quickly, trying not to show him her overwhelming relief at being free of them.

He was familiar with this planet. They had landed in a thick jungle, with no civilisation in sight. But he took one quick look around and purposefully began walking. He was either bluffing to stall, or he actually did know where he was going. And she couldn’t do anything but follow him, much to her frustration.

For some reason, he told her to remove her jacket. According to him, it was dangerous to be a First Order officer on this planet. But she stubbornly kept it on, unwilling to listen to him. She didn’t want his help as much as she hated that she was relying on him.

Hours later, as they settled down for the night, he berated her for keeping the jacket, telling her that she doesn’t get cold easily. The hairs on the back of her neck had raised.

That _warning_ , it was still flickering, like an alarm she couldn’t find and switch off.

Her snappiness didn’t seem to bother him, and he laughed to himself as he came up with a stupid nickname for her. _Princess_? How was that a proper nickname? But his laugh had relaxed her hand, the one holding his blaster. He wasn’t dangerous anyway. She had it figured out.

He seemed to take great pleasure in ripping up her uniform jacket, going by the way his eyes gleamed viciously as he pulled it to pieces. He wanted to bandage her wrists. Easy to get an infection here, he said. It was an excuse. He _wanted_ to do it anyway.

He grabbed her hand with little warning and again, fear seared in her mind. She jerked away. She almost shot him right there, on some wild instinct.

But he was adamant. He used the cloth and gently wrapped her injured wrists up.

And so there was the second fact Alta determined about the rebel; he cared about her. _Her_ , a First Order sergeant. It didn’t make sense. He cared about what happened to her. Why?

He fell asleep quickly, facing away. She stayed where she was, sitting against a tree, wide awake for a long time.

The jungle was full of noise. Buzzing, shrieking, hooting, clicking. All of it. But he had fallen asleep without concern, so she guessed it was safe despite all the obvious fauna.

And somehow, Alta began to feel sleepy. It was unusual. She usually struggled to sleep. After a brief fight with trying to stay awake, she shifted around to get comfortable and let her eyes shut.

✧✧✧

When they opened, there was a thin glow of sunlight bathing their surroundings. Early morning. The noise was lower now, more peaceful, less of a racket.

The rebel was still across the clearing from her, in the same position he had fallen asleep in, his breathing still deep.

She stood up slowly, stretching widely, keeping one eye on the sleeping man. Her wrists were stiff and sore, she avoided moving them as much as she could before taking a look around.

She had to admit, there was something pleasant about standing amongst the thick purple and brown trunks of the trees and being shaded by the thick leafy canopy above. It was beautiful. Prettier than the insides of a star destroyer, obviously. She took a walk around, constantly making sure she could see the sleeping rebel as she circled the area.

At one point she glanced up and automatically drew the blaster.

There were large creatures sitting in the wide branches above, staring down at her. They made no moves, apart from the orange eyes following her as she slowly backed away, blaster clenched tightly in her hand. They had four limbs each and were covered in blue and white fur, with long multicoloured tails.

Then one of them raised an arm and flung something at her. She twitched backwards as a small twig bounced off her shoulder.

And in unison, all the creatures hooted happily.

She stood there, amused as she lowered the blaster, watching them for a few minutes before heading back to the clearing and settling back down in the same spot to wait.

She ended up watching a fat insect attempt to drag a fallen leaf for a long time before there was a puff of wind and something with large wings landed in the clearing. Some big light brown bird. It strutted over to the rebel, tilting its head around as it curiously judged the sleeping mass. Finally, it released a low humming noise.

That seemed to do the trick.

The rebel shifted, stretching out as he rolled over. He didn’t look surprised at seeing the bird, he just flicked something at it, causing it to fly off before he sat up and focused on her.

He looked sort of weary before he lit up and grinned at her, instantly using the nickname. She tried to ignore it.

They walked for hours, him leading the way. She still hadn’t figured out how he knew where to go. Under the trees, she could barely tell where the sun was. She had lost all sense of direction.

Her throat was dry, and she was starting to get a headache. But she kept focused. If he did try to take the blaster from her, it would be sometime then. But all he did was pull his shirt off with a huff.

Sweat was trickling down his spine from the back of his neck. He had a scar on the side of his left upper arm. She had seen enough blaster wounds to recognise it.

Soon after, he stopped and tilted his head. She had heard it too.

He spun around with a smirk, indicating a village ahead of them, before leading her to a tiny makeshift building. It had shelves piled with clothes. He obviously thought she still needed to change out of her uniform.

There was a tank of clean water in the shack and she might’ve run to it like he did if she wasn’t trying to keep herself composed. Instead, she kept a watch by the door, holding the blaster tightly. She could hear him chugging water behind her.

Then he gave her a cup which she took hesitantly. She drank it, making herself go slowly as she scanned the shelves for clothes. The water was warm, but she couldn’t care less. It tasted amazing.

None of the kriffing pants fit her. She pulled pair after pair off the shelves, ditching them on the floor when they were too long or loose or both.

He seemed amused at her struggle. It seemed like he pointed at the top shelf on purpose, knowing full well she wouldn’t be able to reach it.

This had distracted them both. Neither of them had been watching the door.

As usual, she was quick to steadily raise the blaster at the man who had walked in, accusation dripping from his tone.

The man recognised the rebel then. And Alta learned a couple more facts.

Firstly; this was the rebel’s home planet. The man recognised him, called him “Kes’ boy.” Kes would be the rebel’s father? Or mother?

And secondly; the rebel was Resistance. A _General_.

That was big. She hadn’t expected that.

But then the man saw her uniform. The pants she still hadn’t changed out of. And his face went dark, and his hand moved for his own blaster.

She had no choice. She shot him.

The Resistance general had tried to intervene. But he couldn’t do anything, he was the only one without a blaster.

And then he had turned on her with some form of disbelief on his face. He really hadn’t expected her to fire.

Why? He hadn’t known her long. Had he thought she would just put the blaster down because he asked? Had he expected differently?

She was a First Order officer on a planet that clearly didn’t welcome people with her loyalties.

She _had_ to kill that man. Or she would be dead.

Right?

She grabbed the first pair of pants she could in silence. The lightness that had glimmered in the rebel’s eyes the whole time they had been together, had extinguished.

The dead body on the floor was like a magnet. Her eyes kept flicking to it.

What had she done.

The rebel wouldn’t look at her. It was the same exhaustion, the same weariness on his face now as she had seen in the morning when he had woken up.

Her footsteps crunched behind his as they slowly walked away. He hadn’t told her where they were going, but she wasn’t keen to ask. She didn’t want to see the shadowed look in his eyes.

He was a rebel. A Resistance general. She was First Order sergeant.

They were enemies. She didn’t care what he thought of her.

Peeking out from behind clumps of thin leaves, they studied an empty clearing. Going by the control panels and fuel connections, it was a ship landing bay. With no ships.

Without a word, the rebel backed away and walked back into the trees. Alta followed. They walked a few minutes before he stopped and abruptly sat down.

It was as if she wasn’t there. He focused on the leaves that he was pulling apart before closing his eyes. He wasn’t sleeping, she could tell. His breathing didn’t deepen.

She did the same. Pretended to nap.

But her curiosity won over her need to remain quiet. And she asked him what Exegol was.

To her surprise, he didn’t ignore her or continue with the silence. He told her how he had witnessed the fall of the First Order over a year ago.

That couldn’t be right. The First Order was still, very much prevalent in the galaxy. But he didn’t seem to be lying.

And he knew that she knew he wasn’t lying.

Hoping to get another apparent truth from him, she asked him why she had been taken from the _Fellfire_.

His composure wavered and he didn’t answer. He just got up then, and walked around, once again avoiding her eye. He seemed unable to sit still. Maybe he was moving around to avoid getting asked more questions.

She watched him climb a tree from a distance, hauling himself up tree boughs until he disappeared high into the greenery, before leaping down the branches like he’d been doing it his whole life. Which was likely. It was his home planet.

So she stayed where she was, sitting against a tree, sure that he’d tell her to move when it was time.

Sure enough, he collected her. Shuttles had landed.

They watched the clearing again, as they had before. There were two ships. One looked commercial though it was small, and the other seemed to be a large goods freighter. It took up half the landing space.

The two of them agreed on the smaller shuttle and she moved towards it. But the rebel grabbed her arm and wrenched her backwards.

Again, that wild need to not be touched rose, and with it her fist. But he let go before she could punch him.

He was scared they would meet someone else, that she would kill someone else. He wanted his blaster back.

For a second it looked like he was going to try and take it when she didn’t hand it over. She wasn’t sure what she would have done if he had tried.

But he just turned away, clenching his jaw.

They made it onto the shuttle which was empty. So she shut the ramp as he darted to the cockpit before standing over him as he prepped the ship for take-off. He snarkily told her to sit down. Instead, she left the cockpit to look around.

A small galley, refresher. Four cabins for crew.

She got back to the cockpit quicker than the rebel would have expected as he was quietly talking on the ship’s comm.

This was where she learned another fact; his name was Poe.

She moved quickly, pulling the blaster from the folded waistband of her pants. For a split second, she hesitated. He hadn't heard her. But she did her duty and swung the metal into his head. The action sent a dull twist of pain into her wrists.

The first hit didn’t knock him out. The person he had been talking to on the comm started yelling so she switched it off. He collapsed out of the chair as he tried to stand up. He rolled over, turning to look at her, trying to focus on her.

Again, the disbelief. Once again, she had done something he hadn’t expected. Why was he so expectant?

She swung the blaster again, aiming for his jaw. This one knocked him unconscious. But not before he had said something.

Avara, he said.

What did that mean? It sounded like a name, but it was more likely to be a word in another language.

Alta quickly took control of the ship, swerving off course, away from the ship the rebel had clearly been heading for, and plugged her own coordinates in before engaging the hyperdrive.

And then she turned and looked at the man on the floor behind her. He was on his back, head tilted to the side. There was a mark on his chin from where she had hit him.

Poe. A Resistance general from Yavin IV.

She wouldn’t have guessed he was a general. Though he did have that tiredness in his eyes whenever he didn’t smile. The look of burdening responsibility.

She got up and took hold of his wrists to drag him out of the cockpit. He was heavy. It took a few long minutes to haul him into a cabin and lock the door behind her.

If he had put up a fight, or if he had expected her to take the ship, she might’ve felt less guilty.

But there she was, feeling guilty. Feeling guilty for doing her duty and bringing in a Resistance prisoner, an _enemy_. It was ridiculous.

✧✧✧

For some reason, the _Fellfire_ was still at Bracca. She had almost expected it to have moved as its location had clearly been discovered. But when she exited hyperspace, the star destroyer was still there.

She was cleared to land in a hangar and two troopers immediately boarded to collect Poe. He was awake, if not a bit groggy, and shot her a dirty look as he was pulled out of the room and cuffed. He looked betrayed.

They weren’t even on the same side. She just pinched the bridge of her nose when he was out of sight.

“Jardon, you’ve been summoned to the General’s office.”

She gave a curt nod to the lieutenant and set off for Malin’s office.

Her stomach growled as she passed by the troopers’ mess and she slowed down to look in, just in case. Sure enough, she spotted some of her platoon.

A few of them noticed her, their eyebrows raising in greeting. They couldn’t do more as the rules between officers and troopers kept them from interacting freely. But she gave them a nod and continued on her way.

“General Malin.”

“Sergeant, it is good to have you back.”

She just tilted her head courteously.

“Returning to us unhurt, with a prisoner no less, is commendable,” Malin said, seating himself at his table. “Who is he?”

She stepped forward stiffly but didn’t take a seat. He had not offered.

“From what I gathered, he is a Resistance general. First name, Poe.”

Malin leaned forward. “Poe? Poe Dameron?”

“You know of him?”

“He is rumoured to be the best pilot the Resistance has,” Malin muttered, tapping his desk, and making a file expand into the air between them.

Poe Dameron, it read. A commander. There was a picture, a headshot of him looking almost smug despite the bruise on his cheek.

She nodded. “That’s him.”

“So he was promoted,” Malin muttered, almost to himself. “Did he divulge any information on the Resistance or anything else of importance?”

For a split second, she wanted to mention what Dameron had told her. Exegol.

But she held it back.

“He was talkative, but nothing of importance, sir.”

“Go to Records and update his file with any new information you have. I will wait for it here.”

“Yes, sir.”

As she walked towards the bow of the star destroyer to go to Records, she took an alternate route, walking near the troopers’ barracks as she had done with the mess. She spotted two of her platoon hovering in her path. They had been waiting for her.

“Troopers, with me,” she said quietly as she walked past them.

They fell in behind her, with a basic “yes, sir,” and waited until they were in an empty hallway.

“Hey Skip, Bird.”

“Thank kriff you’re back,” Bird muttered under her breath, making Alta glance over her shoulder with a smile.

“Yeah, honestly. We had to report to Kolt while you were away. _Kolt_ ,” Skipper added snappily.

“At least _you_ were in sickbay for some of it,” Bird replied to the other trooper.

“Why sickbay?” Alta asked.

Bird snorted. “He got clumped in the head by one of the infiltrators that got _you_. The idiot.”

“Shut up. Where are we going, Sarge?”

“Records. General wants me to update the file of a Resistance officer.”

“So you really brought one back then?” Bird said, her voice lilting interestedly.

The three of them fell silent as another officer passed by, heading in the opposite direction, waiting for him to leave earshot.

“I suppose I did.”

“So what’ll happen now?”

“Nothing. Back to usual,” Alta replied.

“What were they like?” Bird asked curiously. “The Resistance.”

“Truth be told,” Alta began slowly, “they were almost polite. I only really interacted with the one. The others I just saw very briefly.”

“ _Polite_?” Skipper asked incredulously.

“Pretty much. They didn’t act like we were enemies.”

“Well, keep your voice down,” Bird muttered as they walked into records.

The room was empty, so Alta picked a random datastation and sat down, pulling Dameron’s file up. The troopers stood behind her, watching.

“He’s the one you brought back?”

“Yep.”

There was an almost expectant pause.

“Don’t say it,” Skipper growled to Bird as Alta grinned.

“What?” Bird said defensively. “He _is_ cute.”

Skipper sighed heavily as Alta began skimming over the information already there.

Dameron had apparently been brought in before. Twice. Escaped both times. The details of these escapes were redacted. He was slippery.

Originally a pilot for the New Republic, he later defected to General Leia Organa’s faction of the Resistance.

He had engaged with the First Order several times in the past, primarily as an X-wing pilot with his squadron, taking down countless TIEs in the process.

“He’s got an impressive record,” Skipper mumbled, clearly reading over Alta’s shoulder.

“Don’t let anyone else hear you say that,” Bird warned.

“Relax, we’re the only ones here.”

Ignoring bickering that continued behind her, she began inputting the new information. There wasn’t much she could add.

**_Homeworld:_** _Yavin IV._

**_Rank:_** _General, date of promotion unknown._

There wasn’t much else she could add. She sent the updated file to Malin’s office.

And then, suddenly feeling reckless, she searched the databank.

Keyword: _Exegol_.

There was nothing.

“What’s Exegol?”

Alta stood up and faced the two troopers. “Don’t say that aloud here,” she said in a low voice. “Keep it to yourselves.”

The troopers glanced at each other but nodded.

“I need you both to station yourselves at the General’s office. Tell the two troopers there that I have sent you to relieve them.”

“Yes, Sarge. What are you going to do?”

“Sickbay, then I’ll go eat. I’m hungry. And then I’ll meet up with the others. May as well do some training.”

Bird’s helmet shifted in a certain way that Alta knew was an eye roll.

✧✧✧

She had just about sat down in the officers’ mess when her code cylinder buzzed.

Malin wanted her. In the detention block. Was it too much to ask to eat her meal in peace? She was starving.

Clenching her fork for a long frustrated second, making her freshly bandaged wrist sting, she finally stood up sharply and headed for the cells, leaving her food behind.

She waited outside the door of the cell Malin was in, feeling angry. She had expected to be finished with Dameron. She didn’t want to see him again.

But the door slid open anyway, and she stepped in, taking care not to look the rebel in the eye. _His_ gaze, on the other hand, was burning into her. He was sitting against the far wall, legs outstretched as if relaxing and his cuffed hands in his lap.

Out of the corner of her eye, one of the troopers in the room shifted their feet. A discrete signal. It was both Skipper and Bird.

Everything seemed to be going normally, or as normally things could be, until she mentioned Captain Mignin.

Dameron had visibly flinched in the edge of her vision. Then he seemed to change, his voice going particularly hard as he revealed how he’d previously escaped from the First Order. With the help of traitors.

No wonder the details of these escapes had been redacted.

And as he spoke, Alta finally saw the arrogance of the hot-headed pilot she had just read about in his file.

Malin and her left the room soon after, leaving Dameron looking like he was going to be sick, her two troopers following.

She swiftly made her way back to the mess, trying to suppress her uneasiness.

Mignin was cruel. Alta knew this. And now it seemed that Dameron already knew the Captain. If there was one thing that Alta knew for sure, it was that Mignin wasn’t going to treat him well.

✧✧✧

She was facing off with Bird with electro-staffs as more of the platoon watched.

Bird was good, one of Alta’s best fighters, but she got distracted way too easily.

This time was no different.

Alta feinted, moving as if to draw her staff high before swooping it low and overbalancing the trooper as she moved to block a high strike.

There were low jeers from the surrounding troopers and Alta grinned as Bird scowled heavily through her training helmet.

“You gonna give it to me easy, Bird?”

Before the trooper could reply, a warning hiss travelled around the room and silence fell as Mignin walked in.

Alta stood up straighter to acknowledge the Captain, switching her crackling staff off and holding it to her side.

“What are you doing?”

“Training, _sir_ ,” Alta replied simply, trying to hold off the irritation.

“It looked like you were all having fun,” Mignin said slowly, raking her gaze over the rest of the platoon.

The troopers shuffled nervously, and Alta stiffened.

If Mignin couldn’t find a way to get Alta herself into trouble, she’d often disrupt her platoon with some discipline or the other.

“Do you need me for anything?” Alta asked lightly, but with a clear edge to her voice.

Mignin regarded her for a second. “Yes. Come with me.”

She turned and walked for the door without looking to see if Alta was following.

Swearing under her breath, Alta pulled off her training helmet and stalked off after Mignin, throwing a disgruntled look at her platoon.

It became obvious where they were going a few minutes later.

“Why are we going to Detention?”

“To see that prisoner you brought in.”

Mignin’s eyes were glinting. She looked pleased.

A long, pale hilt was clipped on the Captain’s belt. It was engraved with swirling designs.

An old weapon. Malin’s. Alta pursed her lips. This was bad.

Dameron’s eyes seemed to fix onto Mignin as Alta followed her in. He was seething.

Mignin laughed at the sight of him.

Alta would have left right then and there if it had been possible. But Mignin was adamant. For some reason, she wanted Alta there.

Some trepidation was simmering in her, something from Dameron’s daunted expression mixed with Mignin’s obvious glee.

Alta didn’t miss the spark of fear on his face when Mignin handed her the whip. He stared up at her almost earnestly, waiting.

And she realised, that again, for some reason she didn’t know, she had the ability to hurt Dameron much more than Mignin did.

So she turned and left the cell, hearing a sliver of a laugh from Dameron as the door closed behind her. She hesitated outside, shifting as if to walk back in. Mignin would be furious. And she’d take it out on Dameron.

Mignin was a captain. Alta was just a sergeant. There was nothing she could do.

She walked away, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck prickle uncomfortably.

Hours later, she sent Skipper to the cell with a cup of water.

She didn’t know why.

✧✧✧

Almost a day had passed since she had seen him last.

The situation had been on her mind the whole time. She had been zoning out in briefings, and during training a cadet had managed to get the upper hand over her in a spar as the rest of the platoon watched on in shock.

“Sarge, you need to stop letting this Rebel thing get to your head,” Bird said in a low voice as Alta dismissed the platoon.

She ran an aggravated hand over her hair as Skipper joined them.

“I can’t. I just- there’s something I’m _missing_.”

“It’s not your problem,” Bird said stiffly.

“But don’t you see? It _is_. Both Dameron and Mignin see me as involved, and I don’t know why.”

“You mean other than the fact you brought him in?” Skipper asked.

“Yes. I have no idea why his rebels took me in the first place, and I have no idea why I can’t _remember anything_ ,” she found herself snarling.

Both Bird and Skipper looked taken aback.

“It didn’t used to bother you before,” Skipper said slowly as they exchanged glances.

“Well, now it’s bothering me,” Alta snapped. “And again, I don’t kriffing know _why_.”

“You can’t-”

“ _Garn_ ,” Skipper hissed, warning them of the commander that had just walked in.

“Go,” Alta mumbled to the two troopers who disappeared.

“Jardon.”

“Commander. What can I do for you?”

“Those two troopers weren’t bothering you, were they?” he said with an air of dislike as he glanced at the retreating troopers.

“No, sir.”

“Captain Mignin seems to think you are concerning yourself with the prisoner more than you should,” he said bluntly.

“Sir, Captain Mignin was the one who asked me to stand by as she interrogated the prisoner. I had no wish to be there.”

“Ah, she seems to believe you have provided the rebel with unauthorised nourishment.”

Alta couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows. She looked away, pretending to look ashamed.

“Sir,” she began in a low voice, “the rebel offered me water while I was his captive. I do not want to owe a rebel anything, so I repaid the... the _favour_ ,” she said, projecting a distasteful look onto her face.

He studied her for a second before tilting his head.

She let out a small, relieved breath.

“Hmm. Understandable. But unneeded and irregular. I do not want to hear about another occurrence. The First Order does not offer comforts to prisoners.”

“Yes, sir. Of course.”

He gave her a curt nod and turned away.

She had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at his back before contemplating.

It wasn’t Mignin’s style to take a complaint to a higher up.

Feeling unusually reckless, she made her way back to the detention block.

Dameron looked up when she walked in. It was obvious relief that he didn’t bother to hide on his face.

But what drew her gaze was a tray of food lying a couple of meters from him. She frowned at it.

Mignin.

He called her Princess again and then smiled at the miffed look she gave him.

She looked him over as he asked her what was wrong. He continued, even without a reply from her, telling her Mignin wasn’t going to stop. Almost trying to _reassure_ her.

He wasn’t wrong. Mignin would just keep going, keep tormenting him. And, as he implied, Alta couldn’t do anything.

The back of his shirt was soaked with dark blood and there didn’t seem to be any colour in his face.

She left the cell at his suggestion, both of them knowing Mignin would cause even more trouble if she knew Alta had visited again.

She headed to her quarters feeling even more troubled, leaving a message for Skipper on the way. If there was a way to pull Mignin’s attention away from Dameron, she would. But the captain enjoyed what she did. And it was unlikely she would stop doing what she enjoyed.

✧✧✧

There was a low beep from the door panel, and she turned her head to look at it. A red light was blinking. Someone was outside, wanting to speak to her.

It was a few hours into her off shift, a time she would normally be trying to sleep. Today, it was more pointless than usual to try.

She opened the door and a trooper darted in, shoving past her shoulder.

“Excuse-”

The trooper jerked their helmet off to reveal Skipper.

“What are you _doing_?” she hissed as she slammed the close button. “Did anyone see you? You’re not allowed to be here.” She blinked, taking him in. “What happened?” she added more calmly, seeing the disturbed look on his face.

“No one saw me. I took him more water as you said but, Sarge, he can’t even sit up.”

She looked away, shaking her head even as guilt struck her hard. “Skip, I-”

“Just come and _see_ him.”

Alta gave him a sharp look. “Do you know how much trouble you could get in?”

“Yes, I know Bird would be losing her mind,” he said dryly. “Come and see him.”

She pursed her lips and reached for her jacket and boots.

It was bad. There seemed to be more blood than before if that was even possible. He just opened his eyes to see who was walking in. When he saw it was her, the eyes closed again.

She crouched over him slowly, almost reaching out to nudge his shoulder, before pulling her hand away. She spoke instead.

“Hey.”

The eyebrow that she could see twitched, so she continued.

“You want water?”

He shifted slightly, angling his face towards her in response. Skipper passed her the cup and she carefully poured what she could into Dameron’s mouth.

The horror deep in her stomach was growing with every passing second. This was not what she brought him here to face. She had expected he’d be put in a cell and pretty much be ignored for the most part. Just his luck that he had history with Mignin.

She exchanged a glance with Skipper who was standing over her shoulder.

“I shouldn’t have brought you here,” she mumbled, saying it softly as to keep it away from Skip’s ears.

His eyes fluttered open then, making an effort to focus on her.

“Not your fault,” he whispered.

Alta frowned. That wasn’t right.

“It’s my fault. All of it. My fault.”

She stared at him for a long second, unable to decipher his cryptic meaning before standing and turning to Skipper.

“I know,” he said before she could say anything. “We gotta figure out how,” he muttered, nodding.

She led the way out of the cell. For what was the first time in a while, she felt certain about what she had to do.

✧✧✧

She posted Bird and another member of her platoon, Kix, on sanitation duties outside the captains’ quarters just in case Mignin came out. And she made her way to the hangar she had landed in with Dameron. The ship they had come in.

She slipped in and sat in the pilot’s chair, starting up the holocomm.

It took longer than she thought. She couldn’t switch the ship comms on without making a racket in the hangar by giving power to the engines. So she knelt down and wrenched open a wall panel, and carefully sorted through her wires, ripping off the ones marked for the engines before turning the ignition key. The dashboard lit up with a small hum, but the engines remained silent. Perfect.

She accessed the comms mainframe and picked out the latest transmission details. The one Dameron had been on before she had unfortunately knocked him out. And she hit connect. But nothing happened other than a high-pitched beep.

She frowned and turned back to the panel that was hanging open, adjusting the power reroute. And finally, a brief crackle of static. She glanced over her shoulder before closing the panel and moving back to the dashboard.

The blue hologram showed five people, the one she focused on being a young man who stepped forward. She recognised him and his voice. He had pointed a blaster at her as she had dragged Dameron into the escape pod and had also been the one talking with Dameron when she had knocked him unconscious.

“You need to come get him,” she said, keeping her voice flat.

“ _How do we know this isn’t a trap_ ,” growled another man, shifting closer. His face was hidden by a helmet.

She kept her gaze locked on the first man.

“You don’t. Just my word. I want Dameron off this ship.”

“ _Are you the one who’s hurting him?_ ”

She tampered her surprise. How had he known?

“No.”

“ _Why don’t you just bring him? You want him off your ship, right?_ ”

A young woman this time. She was gritting her teeth as she held Alta’s gaze.

“I’m not interested in being labelled a traitor by the First Order,” she said dryly.

She’d be hunted down and executed. And she wasn’t particularly keen on that situation.

“ _Your word?_ ”

“It’s not a trap,” she repeated.

The first man nodded slowly. “ _Ok._ ”

And the hologram flickered off.

She stepped back, stunned, staring at where the man’s blue form had just been. She had expected to have to convince them more. But he had just taken her word. In blind trust.

It was lucky for them this _wasn’t_ a trap. They must be shitty rebels if they were willing to take the word of a First Order sergeant just like that.

Alta powered the ship down and slipped out, unseen.

It hadn’t been hard to mention the notion of an alarms system reboot to Commander Tiles as they spoke a few hours later.

She was getting sloppy. She had to be, to get Dameron off the _Fellfire_ as fast as she could.

As she set her plan into motion, it became more and more likely that she would be found out. And not only her, but Skipper, Bird and now even Kix too. If it had just been her, she might have taken the risk. But now she knew they’d have to leave with the rebels when they came for Dameron.

Bird was stationed to the watch in Hangar 2. From there, if she was sneaky, which she was, she’d be able to temporarily switch off the ray shield without the supervising officer noticing.

Skipper was stationed to the detention block. He’d help the rebels to Dameron.

And Kix was to stay by her. Together, they would be towards the bow of the ship, staying out of the way.

If things went perfectly to plan, they would stay on the star destroyer while Bird and Skipper left with the rebels.

✧✧✧

It didn’t go to plan.

She was in a junior officers meeting, seated with dozens of others. An ironclad alibi.

Garn received an incoming message which interrupted his lecture. He turned to the rest of the people in the room and conveyed the information that the Fellfire had yet again been infiltrated, and that reports said both the detention block and the reactor were being attempted.

And Mignin turned around and studied Alta before getting to her feet. The alarms switched on, wailing their warning, late as Alta had planned.

“They’re trying to rescue my prisoner,” Mignin said to Garn in a silky voice that carried over the blares from the siren, before swooping out the door.

Mutters erupted in the room.

And Alta scooted for the door too.

The two troopers who had been manning the entrance had vanished. Mignin must have taken them with her.

Kix had been one of them.

She broke into a run, ignoring her hat flying off her head.

The entry to detention was empty. So she banked left and hurtled down a hallway. She almost missed them.

The rebels running in the same direction as her in a parallel corridor. She turned, running, and slid to a halt, just in time to step in front of a trooper squadron with a yell.

She was officially a traitor.

“ _Wait_! You can’t go after them!”

The leader wavered. “Sergeant?”

“You need to-”

She broke off, staring at the captain who was walking nearer, pushing through troopers.

Well, stalling was pointless if Mignin was there.

Alta unholstered her gun but the squadron leader knocked it out of her hands. So she ducked and ripped the baton of the trooper’s side and slammed it into the side of his leg.

All she did was unbalance him. But he was thrown onto his back, into other troopers with more force than she had applied. And Alta jerked her head up. She hadn’t done that.

A man in blue, the one with the helmet in the hologram had joined her, with some black blade.

They fought side by side, almost instinctively perfect in their duality.

He was ruthless. But they were being pushed back. The corridor was too narrow to fight close quarters. Skipper and the other rebel were behind her, but they could do nothing but aim their blasters over her shoulders.

The one armoured in blue lunged at a trooper.

She grabbed his arm. “Wait, _not_ him!”

He had almost run Kix through.

In her distraction, a trooper slammed into her. Alta crashed into the floor, gasping for breath.

Kriffing death trooper. Where had he come from?

The black trooper was also holding a baton which he raised, in preparation to strike her.

The blue rebel slashed him across the chest and sent the trooper flailing backwards before pulling Alta to her feet.

They scrabbled backwards, inching away from the increasing number of stormtroopers. Skipper, Kix and from somewhere, even Bird was there, behind her.

Her sharp ears managed to pick up a mechanical whine coming from her side.

“Down!” yelled the blue rebel as he tossed something small and red into the horde of troopers.

She hit the ground just in time.

When she got up, the hallway was filled with smoke, and her ears were throbbing sensitively.

“Go!”

She followed the rebels, the blue one behind her. Dameron was slouched against a wall further down. He looked surprisingly alert compared to the state he had been in before. That was good. She met his eyes briefly.

Their group was vulnerable. Too many of them all clumped together. Bird walked at Alta’s side.

“Why are you here? I thought you were at the hangar?”

“I heard there was fighting here.”

Alta sighed.

“So you’re coming with us then,” Bird said softly.

“It’s that, or stay here and be executed,” she muttered.

“Hey, Sergeant!”

She glanced over her shoulder,

“How much longer?” the blue rebel asked.

“Almost there,” she said, frowning at him curiously.

She had seen armour like that before. Similar design. Mignin’s.

But now wasn’t the time to worry about that.

Dameron was right. Mignin would be waiting for them in the hangar. So she turned around to address the rebel who was helping Dameron.

“Take him further, down that hall, then turn right and-”

“And take the hangar’s side entry. Got it.”

He gave her a curt nod and began to tow Dameron with him. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dameron try to look back at her. But she ignored him, facing the others instead.

There were three troopers, the blue rebel, and herself. Not many, but maybe they could manage.

To her surprise, the rebel was watching her as expectantly as her troopers were. Waiting for a plan.

She didn’t really have one. Walk in, talk to Mignin to stall, and then fight. Odds weren’t good.

“Hey, Bluebell, you got more of those explosives?” Bird asked as they edged towards the hangar door.

“ _Bluebell_?”

Alta smiled to herself.

“Oh, just go with it,” Bird snapped to the affronted rebel as Kix let out a small nervous laugh.

“Two more charges.”

Bird glanced at Alta. “Fuel?”

“No, too dangerous. Just take cover amongst the barrels.” She pressed the button to the door, firmly standing in front, not bothering to take cover. She knew Mignin would love to chat.

Bluebell stood at her side, his black blade ready. It was humming unusually as it moved, with a high-pitched noise that could almost be described as _shimmery_.

Sure enough, Mignin was there. With two squadrons of troopers fanned out against them. But they didn’t open fire.

The alarms stopped flashing.

“How did you know it was me?”

The First Order captain smiled at her. “I know you better than you know yourself, Jardon.”

Next to Alta, a low growl emitted from Bluebell’s helmet. But he didn’t move.

Mignin just held Alta’s gaze.

“I’d ask you to move and let us get to the ship, but I have a feeling you don’t care about the lives of your troopers.”

Mignin didn’t waver, but a couple of the troopers next to her shifted nervously.

A high beeping emitted from Bluebell, making everyone pause. And then he jerked, lobbing the small charges at the squad of troopers. The squad scattered a split second before they exploded.

Alta lunged for the storage. She ducked behind fuel canisters with Kix, Bird and Skipper.

Mignin’s troopers were struggling to get a good shot. Amongst the fuel, Alta and her troopers were safe.

“The ray shield!” Kix cried out softly. “The ship won’t be able to leave if it’s on.”

Alta hesitated, staring at the small turbolift that led up to the hangar’s watch.

“Cover me,” she muttered, preparing to dart out.

Kix grabbed her arm. “No, _I_ can go. I’ll do it.”

“Kix-”

But he bolted and Alta stood up to cover him, picking off the troopers trying to stop him. He made it to the lift, and she watched as it rose. She could see his white helmet staring down at her.

Something told her she wouldn’t see him again.

Yells jerked her attention back to the fight. Three rebels had emerged from the side entrance. The man who had been with Dameron, and two other women. Dameron himself was out of sight.

Mignin’s troopers were backing away, trying to keep both the newly arrived rebels and Alta in sight.

There was a low whooshing sound and she glanced over to see Bluebell shoot a breath of flames from his wrist.

“Come on!”

She stepped out slowly, Bird and Skipper flanking her, continuing to take aim at the troopers in between them and the ship.

Too much was happening. A faint smoke was hanging in the air from all the blasters. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw two figures reaching the ship ramp. Dameron and yet another rebel. Bluebell was still fighting with Mignin.

She watched them for just a moment too long.

Bird shrieked as a red bolt whizzed past Alta, missing her by barely an inch, and struck Bird’s side. She crumpled and Alta dropped her blaster to drag the fallen trooper back behind cover.

“Hey, hey,” Alta said loudly, pulling Bird’s helmet off.

She stared into the panicked blue eyes. “Just stay here, ok? Just wait. You’re ok.”

Her heart was pounding. Everything had gone wrong.

“Skipper!”

He was watching from behind a barrel that was several meters away, his frame frozen in shock.

“Don’t move,” Alta said firmly, looking back down at Bird. “I’ll be back for you.”

The trooper said nothing, but the brilliant blue eyes followed Alta as she stood back up and forced herself to turn away to continue clearing their path to the ship.

Dread was tightening her chest as she took out trooper after trooper. Skipper was following her lead.

One of the rebels yelled at her, gesturing to the ship. But her sights were set on Mignin. Still locked in a fight with Bluebell. Anger surged through her and she broke into a run behind the rebel, heading for the captain.

She slid to a stop as a red bolt from a stormtrooper hit Bluebell’s helmet, and for some reason, she couldn’t do anything but freeze as the events unfolded before her.

Dameron staggered forward, jumping for the blade that had fallen from Bluebell’s grasp.

Mignin reached back, her golden whip thrashing aggressively. Her eyes were fixed on Dameron.

Alta stared at him, waiting for him to light the blade and block Mignin’s strike. But he didn’t. He threw the blade at Alta.

At _Alta_.

She caught it naturally, the hilt fitting against her palm as if it was made for her. The weight of the saber swung her wrist in a smooth circle, almost acting of it’s own accord and sliced cleanly through Mignin’s whip.

It cut Dameron’s chilling scream short. The whip had curled around his arm, sparking yellow arcs of electricity through his twitching body.

At the same time, the rebel next to her slashed his baton into Mignin’s side, sending her crumpling to the floor, semi-conscious.

She might have run Mignin through with her blade right there if Skipper hadn’t yelled from the side-entry of the hangar. More forces were coming.

Alta directed Bluebell to take Dameron to the ship. She turned away.

“Skipper, get on the ship!” she yelled.

“Where are you going?” the rebel called as she darted off, heading for Bird’s still form.

“I’ll be there!”

She fell to her knees as Bird’s eyes flickered open.

“Hey, come on, let’s go. Get up.”

Bird whimpered as Alta began to pull her upright.

“It’s ok, come on. I’ve got you-”

Something grabbed Alta’s arm and she instinctively ripped it away and glared at the person standing over her. Bluebell.

“We need to go!”

She shook her head. “No, I need-”

Bluebell gripped her arm again. “She’s gone. We can’t do anything for her.”

His words were almost lost in the yelling and shooting from incoming stormtroopers.

“No, we need to get her to the ship-”

But Bluebell dragged her to her feet.

“No!” she shrieked. “Let go!”

She twisted around, trying to reach Bird, trying to catch her eye, trying to apologise. But the blue eyes were staring sightlessly at the ceiling.

Alta’s knees buckled as something crushing tightened around her chest. The only thing that kept her up and moving was Bluebell’s arm wrapped around her back.

They stumbled as the ship lurched up, and she yanked her arm away and pushed him into a wall. His armour clanged.

“Don’t ever touch me again,” she breathed.

He just slipped out of her grip, leaving her to blankly stare at the dull grey wall she was facing.

✧✧✧

Alta cleaned Dameron’s wounds along with one of the rebels. Seeing all the cuts and bruises that littered his skin made her stiffen, but at least she was helping. And at least it distracted her. It was soothingly monotonous, using a bacta-wipe and carefully drawing it over Dameron’s raw skin, wiping off the blood.

At least he was safe now.

She learned the blue rebel’s name was Penn. And there was Finn and Jannah who both used to be stormtroopers. And the other two were Rose and Kaydel.

They were all polite, friendly even. But something made her pull away.

It became more obvious when the ship arrived on their base.

It was another beautiful green planet, like Yavin IV. At first, she had thought it _was_ Yavin, but the trees and plants were different.

They ate all their meals together. Always in the medbay, because Dameron was there. 

It was sometime then when she noticed they all looked at her as if they were expecting something more, or something different. Dameron and Penn especially. It put her on edge. So she stayed to herself.

But it was good to see Skipper relax. He laughed more with these rebels than he had before. He was also enjoying the new food. Even she was. Their food on the Fellfire had just been plain ration portions. But here it was full, and flavourful.

A few meals in, Penn put a bowl of some stew in front of her without a word. Alta had hesitated until she noticed he was also eating it.

It did something to her. The burn it created in her mouth and throat, it was familiar. The spices. She was missing _something_. She had missed this?

She ate it in silence, not showing anything on her face.

He did it again, the next day. And again, she couldn’t resist. She polished the stew off in what felt like a record time.

As Penn left the medbay, he gave her a small smile.

✧✧✧

Seeing the lightsaber on Rey’s belt was enough to keep Alta away from her. Another Force-user.

She remembered Kylo Ren. Not properly. But whenever she had walked past him on the _Finalizer_ , something cut off her breathing. His eyes always seemed to sear into her, even from behind the mask he would wear.

It told her that they had met before. Something leftover from the memories she no longer had.

✧✧✧

She didn’t see Dameron much. He was understandably confined to medbay, and she preferred to be outside with the trees.

She remembered how she had seen him climb on Yavin IV, so she pushed herself to do it too. It left her breathless, muscles burning as she repeatedly reached the tops of the trees, but she welcomed the feeling. Skipper would join her sometimes.

At night, she would enjoy the cool rain. She would climb the tree with the biggest branches, and sit at the top, tilting her face to the dark sky. She would use Dameron’s knife and carve pictures into the trees with smooth bark. She liked drawing stars. Making up her own constellations, or copying the ones she could sometimes see through the clouds.

The smallest droid, a soft-spoken little thing, took to following her around. It liked to talk to her in it’s limited, stammering Basic. She didn’t mind the company.

One night, she walked into medbay to see Poe. He was awake still, and Finn wasn’t there.

She wanted to say sorry. Because she was the reason he had the scars on his skin. She had neatly delivered him right to the First Order, right to Mignin.

But he saw it coming much too quickly.

He was firm when he told her that she wasn’t in his debt. She didn’t see it that way. But she took advantage of his brief vulnerability and asked him why she had been taken from the Fellfire. Again.

This time, she pressed him for an answer. And when he didn’t give her one, she couldn’t stop the anger. And the hurt.

Hurt, because she had thought he would give her some truth. She wasn’t used to feeling hurt. She put his knife down next to him, and left the room feeling frustratingly close to tears.

✧✧✧

Alta had frozen in her room. A familiar buzz. It had woken her up.

Her code cylinder was picking up a signal. A message.

She stole away to the comms room that she had found on the ship they all stayed in. It was called the _Tantive_ , if she had heard it right. The corridor lights were dimmed, reflecting the time of day outside.

There, she was able to wire her code cylinder into the mainframe.

And Mignin’s voice crackled through. A pre-recorded message that told Alta that Mignin would give her her past. Her memories.

She fled the comms room, heart pounding for some reason, her code cylinder clenched tightly in her hand.

She wouldn’t. She couldn’t let herself be tempted.

But her anger at Dameron only grew throughout the day. Her anger at them all, because she knew they _all_ knew what Dameron knew. It came out in her spar with Penn. But it relieved nothing.

And the next night, she sent back an affirmative message.

✧✧✧

She spent the entire day in the forest, only briefly seeing Penn in the kitchen as she snuck in to grab knives and food. He watched her amusedly, and she was surprised to see the friendly glimmer in his eyes, despite the dark bruise on his face from yesterday’s spar.

The day was spent with climbing trees, throwing knives and eating food. Sometimes all three at the same time.

Alta remained undisturbed until Dameron appeared in the corner of her vision, sometime in the afternoon.

His jaw was clenched, eyebrows drawn in, putting a deep wrinkle in between them. And he struck a tree with the heel of his hand once, then again, grunting with the effort.

Something sarcastic in her brain picked out how he could improve his form. And the same sarcastic inkling, fuelled by her ongoing anger, pushed her to throw her knife at the same tree that he was now leaning against.

It startled him, and then again when she threw the second. But the third hit the trunk without drawing a flinch from him.

It was too easy to work him up.

But then he brought up Kylo Ren, almost in retaliation, and she wasn’t able to stop herself from going rigid.

She left him there, walking further into the trees for shelter.

✧✧✧

It was that night that Alta was due to leave. Ord Mantell, according to the message. She told Skipper before dinner. He wasn’t happy, but maybe he still saw her as an authority because he agreed to keep quiet about it.

✧✧✧

She had _known_ Dameron was slippery. It shouldn’t have been a surprise to find him stowed away in one of the cabins of the ship she took, but it was, and it annoyed her to no end.

She said Ord Mantell. And the colour had drained from his face.

Understandably, of course. Mignin had been torturing him less than a week ago.

But he was determined to stay with her anyway. As if he was loyal. And he _was_ loyal, to the Resistance, to his friends. That had always been evident. But to _her_ as well? Loyal?

And for the first time, as they sat in the cockpit together, his presence could only be described as comforting. He fell asleep next to her, with much more ease than she would have been able to. His head lolled sideways, mouth parting slightly as his face relaxed.

She shifted around in her own chair, stretching her legs out as the sound of his steady breathing filled the room.

✧✧✧

Hours later, there was a sharp inhale of breath next to her, alerting her to the fact he had woken up.

And then his breathing paused, as if he were trying to stay quiet, though she heard no sounds of movement. So he was watching her.

His voice went low as he told her what had happened to him the last time he had been on Ord Mantell. She watched him as he spoke, but he was avoiding looking at her.

He spoke about Mignin and his partner with such a pained bitterness. No wonder he hated her.

And then he turned the subject to Alta. Why her memories were gone.

She told him the truth. She had no idea what had happened. And when she told him her homeworld was Coruscant, it felt like a lie. As if she was cheating. Because she only knew that because of her personal file. And he seemed to see it. His head turned to her in the corner of her eye.

That was when she knew her homeworld wasn’t actually Coruscant. It felt like a punch to the gut.

So she asked him again. Why wouldn’t he tell her?

And he said something unexpected. He said that he wouldn’t have to tell her. That she would find out.

It was too vague of an answer.

But in the end, Dameron promised to tell her truth from lies when they met Mignin.

✧✧✧

He promised. He had _promised_.

But he wasn’t saying that Mignin was wrong, he wasn’t saying that Mignin was lying.

Had _he_ done this to her? He wouldn’t-

_“It’s my fault. All of it. My fault.”_

His whisper to her on the _Fellfire_.

She didn’t know what to do, what to believe. But he was looking so broken, so angry, pointing his blaster at Mignin.

Alta couldn’t let him shoot her. Mignin was giving her answers, answers that were apparently true going by the look on Dameron’s face.

A sob was building in her chest but all she did was aim at him.

She was going to get her answers, her past. He wouldn’t stop her.

And Finn appeared out of nowhere and a few seconds later, things seemed to make sense.

A bit.

Except there was now a blaster hole in her chest, so it was a bit hard to ask the follow-up questions she wanted to.

Finn and Poe were on either side of her, holding her up, their hands over hers.

She wasn’t really worried, though she could see Poe was terrified.

But he promised again. If she lived through this, he would explain. And she wanted her answers. So, she’d live through it.

His warm hand slipped off of hers as Penn backed away with her in his arms. She let her cheek rest against the cool metal and closed her eyes.

✧✧✧

Flashes. They were hers, she knew, but she didn’t remember them. They weren’t really familiar.

_Weaving through people all taller than her, unseen, feet bare against the muddy ground. There was dirt caked under her fingernails and her hair fell over her eyes, but she was used to it. This was normal. It was her normal._

_She was curled up in a small dark space. The walls and floor were vibrating against her, shaking, but she wasn’t really scared. Maybe just a bit worried. She was on a ship. She had never been on a ship before._

_Tall ceilings, a long room with a padded floor. The sunlight was pleasant against her dark clothes. She was lined up with other children, most of them her size. All of them in the same position; feet apart, fists raised. There were two adults there, walking the length of the room. Teachers._

_A man kneeling in front of her. He was removing a silver helmet. His hair was dark brown with streaks of white, a slightly shaggy mess on his head and a bit of facial hair around his jaw. The warm eyes were proud as he gazed at her._

_They were high up, looking over a vast city. She was perched in the arms of the same silver as they overlooked the grey buildings. It was a dreary view, but there were spots of bright colours; flags, banners, murals. This was hers. This man and this city._

_Grimy streets again, running this time. A man in dark blue armour was leading her, the metal reflecting the light of the various colourful street signs they passed. Someone was running next to her. Her heart was thumping, but it was thrill, not fear. She was learning to hunt like her father._

_Once again in a line of children. But now they were facing a crowd. There was something heavy around her chest, on her shoulders. Responsibility. And pride. The man in silver was lowering something over her head. The crowd was cheering with approval._

_Coarse pale sand under her. There was a boy with blond hair with grey eyes sitting next to her. He was grinning. And there was a girl too. Same grey eyes as the boy. The girl’s light brown hair was in a long braid over a shoulder. The sky above them was darkening as they ate stolen cake._

_Standing alongside the same grey-eyed boy as they held wooden training sticks; they were copying the motions of a man with dark blue hair. He was holding a green lightsaber. He was training them. Significance rested in their Forms._

_Grey eyes again, beautiful eyes, staring into hers, pinched slightly at the corners. The girl was smiling. They were holding hands. People around them were celebrating, calling their names._

_Standing alongside the silver man and a woman with tattoos circling her upper arm. They lazily tossed knives at a thick wooden board as they chatted._

_She was running with the lightness of no armour, no protection. Warning, she needed to warn- she needed to... There were bodies. One of them in blue armour with long brown hair... no. Red flashed across her vision and she fell to her knees, still trying._

_Hard silver metal was holding her. Something was crushing her, cutting off her breathing. But Silver wasn’t squeezing her. Numb. Everything was numb. Large green eyes were screwing up in front of her, leaking with silent tears. A child._

_Still cold, still numb. She was sitting on the edge of a bed, a knife in her hands. She was just fiddling absentmindedly, her mind blank. She looked down. The knifepoint was slowly pushing into her thumb, deeper and deeper. Droplets of blood. Someone knocked it out of her grip._

_Fury. The grey-eyed boy with blue armour was facing her. He was holding a metal staff. She gave him everything she could with the one she was holding._

_Watching a darkening sky. Sand was flicking across her face, pushed by the wind. She was alone this time._

_Falling through buildings, tumbling, closer and closer to the ground. She lurched as a roar filled her ears, her jetpack slowing her fall. But she hit the ground too hard, much too fast, and pain rocketed up her leg making her scream. People surrounded her._

_Lying on a bed, staring at a ceiling painted with stars. There was a small green child nestled in the crook of her arm. He was cooing at her._

_Muddy streets. The same as before, as the very start. She was alone again, but she had purpose now. Eyes glanced at her as she walked by. She was looking for a job._

_She was standing at the edge of a lake. Lush green forests surrounded the ancient-looking castle that stood behind her. It was beautiful. Soft green fluff covered the stone of the building. What was it called? Moss._

_A mess hall. It was crowded, filled with people of many species, though humans were most prevalent. She was sitting with a group at a table. They were all in orange flight-suits. Pilots. One of them drew her eye. She knew him. Dameron._

_A small room. The torch on the side of her helmet lit the place up. It was a cell. The pilot, Dameron, squinted in the glare of her torch. His wrists were cuffed. Worry kneaded her stomach as she realised her own were also bound behind her._

_Nothing. Only pain, only fear. Everything was dark, suffocating. Strips of her skin were stinging, burning. She could smell it. She was completely alone, and that wasn’t going to change. She would die here._

She was dying.

✧✧✧

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My longest chapter so far. I hope it was interesting enough. I definitely learned a lot about Avara/Alta while writing this so hope you guys did too. This one chapter has been in the works for a few weeks now.
> 
> A few FYIs:  
> \- The creatures that Alta sees in the trees in Yavin IV are called Woolamanders.  
> \- Kix is the name of a clonetrooper in the Clone Wars 😔 I miss him.  
> \- The First Order canonically doesn't have death troopers, but I frikin love them in Rebels so I say the First Order has them too.  
> \- It is Ezra Bridger in the flashes.
> 
> If you have questions about this chapter, I'd be really happy to answer them :)


	33. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐗𝐈𝐈

◈◈◈

Finn was torn.

He could hear the commotion behind him. Voices from the galley were loud, frantic. Penn, Jannah and Skipper. Rey was running for the cockpit. BB-8 was wailing.

But Poe was clinging to him, holding the fabric of his shirt as he trembled. Finn ran a hand up and down his back, feeling the ridges of his curled spine.

“Poe-”

At the sound of his name, he jerked back, almost knocking Finn’s chin.

“You- we should- she needs-”

Poe couldn’t seem to formulate his thoughts. His eyes were wide, and Finn could feel his pulsing terror.

The ship jolted, making them stumble.

“Avara-”

“Poe, look at me,” Finn said firmly, gripping Poe’s face. “Focus on me.”

“Ok,” he whispered.

“Do you want to go to a cabin? Or do you want to see Avara?”

Poe’s eyes flicked back and forth as if he couldn’t which of Finn’s eyes to look at.

“Avara.”

Finn nodded slowly. “Let’s go. Stay with me, ok?”

They inched towards the galley, Poe’s fingers wrapped around Finn’s hand.

Avara had been laid out on the floor in front of the round table. Skipper and Penn were crouching next to her as Jannah hovered above, perched on the balls of her feet.

“Is there anything we can do?” Finn asked cautiously.

Penn didn’t look up. “Rey. Get Rey.”

“She’s in the cockpit.”

“Well, get her! I can’t-”

Finn tightened his hold on Poe. “You need to take over in the cockpit, Poe. You _have_ to. Go.”

Poe’s gaze shifted from Avara to Finn. He was still shaking. But he nodded and backed away.

Finn kneeled down next to Penn.

There was no colour in Avara’s face. Blood had started to pool out onto the floor from her torso.

“What-” Finn began, before being interrupted by Rey's arrival.

“I’m here!”

Penn looked up at her. “You can heal her. I’ve seen it happen before. You can help her, right?”

She hesitated.

“Please!” he cried.

“Rey,” Finn breathed, catching her eye.

Please just try.

She clenched her jaw and knelt, placing a hand over Avara’s wound.

They all seemed to hold her breath. Skipper was looking confused, glancing between them, but he didn’t ask.

Rey looked up. “She’s dying,” she said, staring at Finn desperately. “I can’t- not without killing myself.”

Penn twitched, as if about to say something. But then his visor just turned back to Avara and drooped. The Mandalorian had removed his gloves and one of his bloodstained hands was gripping Avara’s.

“I- I think I can do something,” Rey muttered.

Penn lifted his head slowly.

“I can heal her a bit, maybe just enough to keep her alive. Until we get back to Ajan Kloss.”

“Can you?” Penn whispered.

“I think so.”

Finn scooted closer to Rey as she stretched her hand out to Avara again. And she closed her eyes, eyebrows shifting in as she concentrated.

The hairs on the back of Finn’s neck stood up. He could feel the energy rippling around Rey, the way she was guiding it into Avara.

And then she pulled away and almost lost her balance, careening sideways. She had gone completely white.

Finn gasped, reaching over Avara to grab Rey’s arm and steady her.

“Go sleep,” he ordered.

“It helped,” Penn said, voice cracking with relief. “It worked.”

He was right. Rey seemed to have knitted back a part of Avara’s wound. The hole in her chest was no longer gaping open as widely as it had been moments ago.

The Jedi gave Finn a small, reassuring smile as she made her way to a cabin with Jannah at her side. He closed his eyes as he released a slow breath, trying to calm himself.

Penn let himself slump back against the bench behind him as he pulled his helmet off. His eyes glistened as he studied Avara, before glancing up at Jannah and then Finn. His hand shook as he raised it to wipe his pale face.

The ship gave a small rumble, followed by Poe flying into the room and skidding to a halt. He must have seen Penn’s red eyes and Finn’s exhausted face because the blood promptly drained from his face.

Finn pulled himself up quickly. “Poe, she’s ok, she’s fine. She’s not- she’s fine.”

Poe blinked at him, before glancing between Penn and Skipper. “She’s ok?”

“She will be,” Finn said softly. “You can sit with her if you want.”

So Poe gingerly shuffled over to Penn before sinking down onto the floor and pressing his shoulder into a blue pauldron, gaze fixed on Avara.

That was when Finn remembered Mignin.

Mignin, who was on the ship. Captured.

He walked into Jannah in the cabin hallway. Skipper was on his heels.

“Where is she?”

Jannah jerked her head behind her. “Storage room. She’s cuffed. Technically, she needs medical attention, but I don’t think anyone on this ship wants to be the one to bandage her arm.”

Finn pursed his lips. “You’d be right,” he growled.

“Is this Mignin?” Skipper asked quietly.

Jannah nodded. “Penn doesn’t know she’s here. He’ll raise hell if he finds out.”

“He’ll listen to reason. Hopefully,” Finn added. “We need Mignin if we want to know what happened to Avara and her memories.”

Jannah nodded before placing a hand on his shoulder. “Go rest, Finn. we’ll keep an eye out around here.”

He hesitated before noticing the stern glint in her eyes. “Ok. Wake me up in a couple hours.”

Rey was in the room he walked into, but there was a bunk across the cabin from her.

Falling asleep wasn’t hard.

◈◈◈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, sorry bout that.
> 
> Ok, Friday's episode was a lot of fun to watch :D Made me happy.
> 
> [I know I'm going to slow down with writing this as my job is starting back up. You guys will still get chapters, just maybe not every 2-4 days. This is just a heads up.]

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come and say hi at @triggerhappyflyboyy on tumblr!


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